The Gloss made a list of "13 Most Embarrassing Things That Can Happen During Sex," ranging from "not being able to perform" to "saying 'I love you.'" Charming, but totally false. This list doesn't use the word "poop" even once.

Web developer Andy Boyle was hanging out in a Burger King when he overheard a married couple having an argument that "Aaron Sorkin couldn't write… any better." So he live-tweeted the whole thing, with extensive multimedia.

Continued proof of Lady Gaga's transcendence: a choir of senior citizens recently performed a spirited rendition of her 2009 hit "Bad Romance" on China's Hunan TV.

Because she is a complete idiot, Kyle Richards decided to have a seance last night. Doesn't she know that whenever there is a psychic around Real Housewives a black hole opens in the sky and destruction rains down on everyone? The same thing happened last night, but the terror was much more subtle.

Russell Pearce, the Arizona state senator who drafted the state's infamous "papers, please" immigration law last year and was rewarded with the title of Senate president, may, impossibly enough, lose his job today, in the first recall election of a sitting lawmaker in the state's history. Is Arizona finally getting its act together? Hmm.

Starting today, Apple Store managers will have to undergo euphemistically-titled "union awareness" training, to learn about attempts by employees to unionize. It's safe to say Apple doesn't want unions getting in the way of their creepily efficient customer service.

Our brothers and sisters on Wall Street stand in solidarity with you, Rest of America: they're going to take a huge pay cut this year. Huge! Probably bigger than your entire measly little salary. From Dealbook:

Bill Clinton popped into MSNBC's Morning Joe this morning, for some reason. Perhaps because all the dentists offering root canals were booked at the time? Oh, yes, he had to promote his new policy book! Anyhoo, he really wants to be president again.

Have you ever suffered some tragedy and screamed out loud, "Why, God? Why?" Finally you'll get a chance to ask him in person, or at least over the internet. And he'll answer! The Almighty himself will be here in the comments of this post, taking your questions.

In Slate today, Adam Gopnik, the "Adam Gopnik's kids" correspondent for The New Yorker, explains the fine distinctions of New Yorkerania: "compare Mencken and Liebling, often mistaken as twin stylists, and you see the difference between heavy-handed Teutonic mockery and the ideal ironic, stinging, New Yorker tone."

Blake and Ryan do nothing but stay home and walk their dogs. Kelly Rowland says Beyonce is having a girl. Jamie Lynn Spears makes her country singer-songwriter debut. And can you guess who Lindsay Lohan's Playboy pictorial is "inspired" by? Tuesday gossip wears a Slanket and eats soup.

The simulated Russian Mars mission, Mars 500 ended, today. The six researchers who were locked in a fake, horrendously wood-paneled spaceship for 520 days are now free. How was it?

This actor had an affair with his famous best friend's teenage daughter. This gay reality star won't come out. This actor is getting more screen time by sleeping with the producer. And this celeb's daughter has a messy room and a messy coke habit. Hollywood kids these days!

Having systematically driven the traditional "small town American" hardware store, drug store, grocery store, clothing store, auto parts store, and general store out of business, Wal-Mart has been sitting around, scratching its imaginary head, wondering "What part of traditional American business can I co-opt next, further reducing the traditional American downtown business district to a desolate wasteland and forcing citizens to conduct any and all monetary transactions beneath the sheltering sky of harsh neon lights inside of our very own big, inescapable box?"

Evangelical fertility gods Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar revealed on the Today show this morning that God has placed yet another baby inside Michelle's womb, and so now they are expecting their 20th child. And they and their other 19 kids are "so excited."

Halfwit tabloid sex perv Andrea Peyser has a major Republican sex fetish. Yes, fine, that's a matter of record. But Andrea is, first and foremost, a professional sexxx journalist, and she takes that duty quite seriously. So it's alarming to learn that—in Andrea's unbiased opinion—Sharon Bialek (pictured), who yesterday accused Herman Cain of sexual assault, is a gold-digging slutty slutwhore bad mom welfare queen (and ugly).

Pity the little boy-child of Peterborough United player Gabriel Zakuani, who will have to go through life as "Trendy." Or at least the part of his life leading up to the day when he legally changes his name to something less humiliating—i.e., almost anything else.

It's been less than 24 hours since Sharon Bialek revealed details about her alleged, unwanted, aggressively sexual Herman Cain experience in 1997, and yet we already have someone new to meet. A warm welcome to Donna Donella, Cain accuser No. 5!

Florida's anthropology-hating android-governor Rick Scott, who is not cool in any way, recently stopped by the Port of Miami to hang out on a cruise ship and pretend to do somebody else's job for a few minutes, again. Rick Scott creates jobs ... for Rick Scott!

This glowing fireball is not the coming of Harold Camping's apocalypse but the aftermath of a collision between a tanker carrying 8,500 gallons of gas and a minivan, which took place on the New Jersey Turnpike last night. Citizen journalist @MelissaJoann was there and filmed what she saw; this image is a still from her crazy-looking video.