Brooklyn—the brand—is more popular than ever. It’s the hottest thing in Paris fashion! What can Brooklyn—the city—get from this, besides exasperating trend stories? Perhaps something useful.

A French mathematician has developed a formula to explain the "hipster paradox," the process by which "hipster" nonconformists tend to end up looking the same. Nobody understands what this math guy is saying because everyone calls hipsters fauxhemians now. A wasted mind.

Shane Smith, the burly head of the VICE empire, is now worth several hundred million dollars, thanks to his company's peerless ability to sell counterculture cool to mainstream corporations. Don't mention that to Shane, though. It's a sensitive topic.

Another Thursday, another New York Times Style section faux-trend story about Williamsburg. It's all a bit tedious, isn't it? Since these stories are written primarily to generate blog posts by people like us, we feel entitled to demand a few changes in how this neighborhood is covered, moving forward.

Robert Anasi moved to Williamsburg in 1994 and spent more than a decade watching the neighborhood transform from an isolated and novel bohemia into the fully gentrified cultural monster that it is today. His new book, The Last Bohemia: Scenes from the Life of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, is a first person chronicle of the neighborhood's character (and characters), and of its changes.

A couple of weeks ago, hot shot New Yorker wonderboy Jonah Lehrer was forced to resign after he was revealed to have fabricated Bob Dylan quotes in his book Imagine. Remember that? Yeah. It was in all the newspapers and websites and radio stations and whatnot. The only place the news did not reach: deepest, coolest, fauxhemian Brooklyn. (And Manhattan. "Brooklyn" is just a brand name.)

Meet Jamie Granato. Lately he's been spending his days in a trailer parked on the side of a road in Greenpoint, peeing into a bottle and dumping it onto the street. His day jobs include running a record label and selling Christmas trees. Animal New York reports,

The New York Times Style Section—where "Cool" lives!—has a 1,000 word story today about an unremarkable church in Brooklyn. What's that about? Oh—it's a "hipster" church. Allow the NYT to prove it!

The New York Post—the fascist barrel-scraping newspaper with its finger placed closest to the vibrant pulse of young, "hip" Brooklynites—has unearthed a new, hip trend, which is occurring among hipsters—in Brooklyn, of course. The hip, fashionmongering young people are diving into dumpsters to extract food, completely without care for the inherent wackiness of such a stunt, their eyes focused on only on nutrition—and hipness. Who ever heard of such a thing?

The first rule of hipness is that hip people talk about "hipness" a lot. When you're around someone who uses the word "hip" a lot, well, you know that hipness is in the air, because nothing is hipper than bandying about the word "hip" as it relates to "hipness," in both writing and casual conversation.

County fairs, with animals and cheap rides and fried dough? Meh. But what if you added... irony? That would make something worth having, in Denver! I mean, just to pick a paragraph of this story at random:

Hipsters love bikes. They also love wine. But because stuffing a bottle of red in your messenger bag before pedaling down to the park for a picnic is totally déclassé, it hasn't been possible to marry the two. Until now, that is. Etsy user oopsmark is now offering a "Bicycle Wine Rack," which is described thusly:

It wasn't that long ago that Washington, DC was just a normal American city, featuring a small cocoon of privileged white wonks surrounded by a seething and forcefully ignored black population. Standard stuff. But then the city was gobsmacked with a "young, hip vibe" that is in the process of turning the drab and nerdy confines of our nation's capital into a wacky blend of hip archetypes, each of which is good for at least one new Washington Post feature story. I mean, anarchist dog-walkers? It doesn't get any hipper!

This "hipster trap"—baited with Pabst Blue Ribbon, American Spirits, a bike chain and neon-pink Wayfarers—was photographed by Reddit user gigaface, who encountered the fauxhemian hunter in New York City. Before you object to the choices of bait, remember that having any opinion at all about hipsters or their taste preferences automatically renders you a hipster. (The trap itself, according to gigaface, is made of cardboard.) Full-sized photo below. [Reddit]

A sociological inquiry into hipster consumerism reveals: academia is way behind the blogs.

Need a Halloween costume, but don't want to dress any differently than your usual woefully stereotypical fauxhemian garb? American Apparel has you covered.

One panel discussion. Eight panelists. One million Gawker posts between them.

Jacob Isom—the rattail-coiffed hero who swiped a Koran from right-wing fanatics and ran—has a dream. "I want to be in High Times," he told me by telephone. Then he showed me a t-shirt screenprinted with his face.

To prove something that you already know, two sociologists wrote a paper called "Demythologizing Consumption Practices: How Consumers Protect Their Field-Dependent Identity Investments from Devaluing Marketplace Myths." Conclusion: everyone hates "hipsters" even though they shop at Urban Outfitters, too.

LOL, oldie newspaper The New York Times is finally like "Derrr, we said 'hipster' 250 times last year, is that too much? Should we change?" Yea too bad we already solved that problem like one million years ago, LOL. [Pic]