Specifically, in the butt with your mom’s headless corpse on this goddamn lawn. Happy Father’s Day, everyone!

On the morning of the Father of the Year Awards Luncheon, I ran out of bread enough to even make cinnamon toast for my children, and I ended up serving them some Chocolate Chex and the last apple in the house. Not that I was going there to win Father of the Year. I was merely going to watch.

I never have had to doubt my parents’ love, not even when I had to explain to them what I meant when I said, “I’m queer.” In my days at home, my parents were the type to be at every event; my mother was given the “Team Spirit” award on my tennis team during my senior year of high school. My first girlfriend had called me “Angel Baby” because of the way my mother’s eyes lit up when she saw me for the first time in weeks or months. I knew being gay would be ok. It wouldn’t threaten my mother’s love.

This Father’s Day, as with every Father’s Day, Facebook is going to become a cascade of carefully chosen, lovingly captioned dad photos. Many will be painted over with the static of age. A “dad bod” joke or two will worm its way in. And several posts will inevitably be dedicated to those dads that have passed, who aren’t here to share the day for any number of reasons, all of them heartbreaking.

In searching for a Father’s Day present for my stepdad, I hit up all the best sites: Amazon.com, google: “father’s day”, HomeDepot.com, and finally Etsy. While my returns on the first three were lackluster—what’s he going to do with another grill spatula with a light wood handle?—I was surprised to learn that Etsy really came through for a gal in need.

My father — an old lion of a man — would bark, "They don't give a fuck about you," any time I called a rapper, athlete or actor a "beast" for their artistic or athletic feats.

The house smelled just like him.

In honor of Father's Day, a day when mothers across America buy cards for their husbands and then search all over the house for their children so that they can sign the card—they literally don't have to do anything but sign the card, look, here I already bought it—TIME magazine assembled a team of famous fathers to write open letters to their daughters. There were old dads and young dads and politician dads and musician dads and good dads and Bruce Jenner. Most of the letters were sweet, if a little dull.

Ronan Farrow hasn't spoken with his father, filmmaker Woody Allen, since the latter left the former's mother, Mia Farrow, for Soon-Yi Previn — Farrow's adopted daughter.

After years spent asking parents to torment their children for kicks, Jimmy Kimmel's latest YouTube Challenge asked kids to prank adults for a change.

Happy Father's Day, dads.

Just in time for Father's Day, CNN.com has published a groundbreaking exposé declaring that not all dads are the blundering, inept morons they are portrayed to be on comedy programs and in television commercials.

In what appears to be a direct response to the failed boycott campaign of anti-gay group One Million Moms, JCPenney yesterday unveiled a new Father's Day ad featuring a same-sex couple playing with their children.

Today is Columbus Day in case you weren't aware. What a stupid holiday! Nothing against Columbus (other than the fact he was a dirty colonist who killed off millions of Native Americans) but taking an entire day to celebrate him is a total waste. And there's a whole list of other holidays and celebrations we should get rid of. Let's look.

The lesser two of the parents holidays (let's be serious) befalls the nation once more today, and given that it's Father's Day, not Mother's Day, that we're talking about here, you probably haven't gotten a gift yet. Which you should do! But be careful. Certain gifts say certain things you might not be aware of.

This week we had so much happen that we need to break it down into categories. Luckily, they're some of Gawker's favorite categories.

We here at Gawker.TV love our dads. But we really love our TV dads, for they taught us everything we'd need to know about life in under an hour. From the Danny Tanners to the Frank Costanzas, we salute you!

Mother's Day's oft-forgotten cousin is upon us on Sunday and it's very likely, giving the creeping nature of the holiday, that you've forgotten to get a gift for dad. But fear not! We're here to help.

Father's Day brings lots of new ties, so make sure you are prepared. This video shows how to tie either gifts you get or gifts you give to your dear old dad.

When you think "Father-Son bonding experiences," you think "spending an evening in the home of Randall Jones, the used-car-salesman-esque founder of Worth magazine, hearing him extol the virtues of each and every one of his '12 Commandments' for becoming the 'Richest Man in Town.'"