Conservatives want an exception to a recent federal rule requiring higher pay for fast-food-workers on military bases, because paying Joey 10 bucks an hour to salt the fries will drive BK out of business, and the troops will miss their Whoppers, and why do you hate the troops?

Burger King today announced that it will serve its burgers for breakfast now, as part of their new corporate philosophy, "Why try harder than absolutely necessary when the American people want nothing more than to eat themselves into oblivion to erase the pain of being locked into this zombie-like existence?"

Protesters lobby for higher wages for fast food workers outside a McDonald's in New York City on Wednesday. Image via Andrew Burton/Getty.

Subway, a store that sells the smell of baking bread, says it will start slicing its meat thinner, so that sandwiches will get the same amount of meat but 50% more slices. The company's cofounder explained,"For some reason, it looks better. It looks like more meat." TWSS.

Today, the labor coalition leading the ongoing movement to raise wages for fast food workers announced that workers in 150 cities around the world will walk out and/ or strike on May 15. That's fine and dandy. But might there be a better way for this movement to operate?

Is KFC's Double Down, a food-like item bookended by two slabs of K-Fried C and zero slices of bread, actually a sandwich? The correct answer is: Who cares? You still shouldn't get a tattoo of it.

Is KFC's recently revived Double Down even actually a sandwich? Like, legally? Reasonable people can disagree. Except in Massachusetts.

Despite decades of devotion to low-quality garbage food, today's Americans think they're "too good" for a "fast food" restaurant. You wouldn't be caught dead in a "Taco Bell?" How about this rebranded fancy Taco Bell, though?

The average U.S. CEO is paid 331 times as much as their average employee. A new Demos report finds that the fast food industry, currently the subject of vast protests, "has the greatest CEO-to-worker pay disparity in our economy, with ratios exceeding 1,000-to-1."

Next to computer software and hairstyles for the bald, no field in the business world offers more competitive innovative thinking than fast food breakfasts. Witness the vast array of culinary creativity currently on display from our nation's leading dining options.

Sonic, a fast food chain that differentiates itself by delivering garbage directly to your parked car, plans to expand into every last empty lot in the United States of America.

Taco Bell's latest marketing strategy is convincing consumers that Egg McMuffins represent the past, whereas "Waffle Tacos" represent the future. I suppose that's plausible.

This week, Arlington, Texas will get the thing it most desperately needs: a new greasy fast food chicken restaurant. But this greasy fast food chicken restaurant marks the launch of a greasy fast food chicken restaurant war.

McDonald's announced on Friday that it's suspending operations at its three restaurants in Crimea due to "manufacturing reasons." In a laudable move, the company guaranteed its Crimean employees jobs at McDonald's locations in Ukraine and offered to pay relocation costs, including three months in rent.

Last month, fast food workers across America filed several class action lawsuits alleging illegal wage theft by their employers. If you think that's a far-fetched problem, take a look at these new poll results.

After walking to work during flooding, a U.K. Subway employee dried her soaked socks and gloves in the store's oven, normally reserved for heating weird-smelling bread.

A coalition of McDonald's workers today announced that they're filing several class action McLawsuits against the company for "forcing them to work off the clock, shaving hours off their time cards and not paying them overtime."

There is nothing that you, the consumer, love more than a paper bag filled with piping hot breakfast items purchased from one of our nation's fast food outlets. It is the only high point in the otherwise dreary days of the majority of Americans. Fortunately, fast food breakfast will now be more inescapable than ever.

McDonald's was once known as a "restaurant" where Americans could purchase, at reasonable prices, hamburgers the size and flavor of air hockey discs. Those days are gone. Fast food is a loser's game. McDonald's now aims to be the new Starbucks.

Dairy Queen, the delicious root cause of the south's obesity crisis, is expanding into Asia, with new ice cream flavors like "green tea with red bean or almond and extra green tea." Dear Asia: the ice cream is fine, but NEVER eat the "food." Oh god.