While cleaning out his bookshelves last night, my boyfriend stumbled across his Ann Arbor Community High School yearbook. He opened to page 35. "Do you recognize anyone?" he asked. I didn't, even though he was on page 35 (he looks very different now!). He pointed to the high school's most famous graduate, a non-descript looking teen named Andrew Wilkes-Krier, who would go on to become the very descript professional partier and "multi-instrumentalist" Andrew WK. Another wallflower blossomed.

Most people's birthdays are mostly shitty, most of the time. Not Taylor Swift's, though!

Two college students who were recently interrupted mid-coitus were reportedly cool with it when they realized the drunk party-crashers were also famous television stars.

Here is a satisfying ramble about celebrities Foster Kamer has met.

In order to honor the tireless, thankless work of actors (all they get is fame and fortune—what about the masturbatory awards shows?!?), here is the mother of Oscar thank you speeches. Oscar Fever—it's spreading. Get the ointment!

Ms. Harding is one of the saddest scandal celebrities of the miserable Clinton era, which is saying something, and despite the fact that her name has been a punchline for fifteen years, she still is all "I didn't come here to make friends you don't know me" about a passing jokey reference to the time she had a rival skater kneecapped.

From Banterist, an image of what celebrity magazines could and should, perhaps, look like. Banterist says that the target would be people in their late 30's, but I think it could work for pretty much anyone who managed to let the celebrity machine rumble past them. (I mean, can someone please tell me who Stacey Kebler is?) My favorite is "Someone From Gossip Girl Squats." (Click through for larger)

Ohh poor beleaguered celebrities. When caught drug-handed or with pants down, they often have to make very public excuses for their un-role modely behavior. The latest came from former child star Tatum O'Neal, who was arrested for trying to buy crack in New York on Sunday night. She says she was sober, but had been chasing the dragon around the streets of New Amsterdam because she was distraught over the death of her dog. She claims she didn't know she was buying crack, and yet was in possession of a crack pipe. Oh, Tatum. A little darling no more. Also, lie better. There are other wonderfully silly celebrity excuses (including another one involving a dog!) waiting for you after the jump. Tell us which one you think is the worst.