What's that you say? Half of all marriages don't end in divorce, as has long been asserted? Divorces are, in fact, declining? No, I really did not need you to tell me that. What I could use, aside from some sympathy and a decoder ring for this parenting plan, are a few new things.

Tomorrow you'll gather around the Thanksgiving table with your family—those precious few souls that walk this cold Earth draped in the same flesh and blood that coat your weary bones. Invariably, they will say something that makes you want to murder them or, at the very least, ruin dinner in the process of setting them straight.

Selected Air Force members, men and women, will be able to take three years off from the military to start families, a mirror of a recent pilot program by the Navy. It's a pretty novel idea. Almost as novel as paid parental leave, but not quite.

In a report published in The Cincinnati Enquirer, journalist Lisa Bernard-Kuhn found several families in Ohio, where legalization of medical marijuana is currently pending, who are eagerly fleeing the confines of the Midwestern state for places where they can treat their ill children.

Texas family law judge William Adams has been barred from seeing his youngest daughter after a years-old video of Judge Adams whipping his older daughter Hillary with a belt went viral. Looks like the internet works!

Judge William Adams—who became Internet Enemy No. 1 last night following the publication of a video showing him beating his disabled daughter—has spoken. He wants everyone to know that he apologized. And that the beating was "not as bad as it looks on tape."

Here's a video, recently uploaded to YouTube, showing a man whip his disabled daughter with a belt, apparently for downloading games and music. The man is a Texas court-at-law judge named William Adams. His daughter's name is Hillary. And she's the person who recorded and uploaded the video.

In March 2011, Patrick McGinty, his wife, and their five kids endured a house fire that killed their three beloved dogs. That experience alone would cause many people to fall into a serious depression! But the McGintys are apparently a special kind of family.

In 2009, the Cerdas, a Las Vegas family whose two daughters suffered from immune deficiency disorders, appeared on the reality show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Their old, moldy house was torn down, and new one, designed to protect the young girls, was built in its place. But as it turns out, the Cerda girls may not have been sick at all.

Carlina White, kidnapped as an infant from a New York hospital in 1987, reunited with her mother this week after finding herself on a missing children website. So if you've had suspicions about your parents, now's the time to check.

Family friends say that Ruth Madoff blames Bernie for their son Mark's suicide, and believes this is "the end of the family." Mark Madoff hanged himself with a dog leash in his apartment Saturday morning. No one deserves that. [NYP]

Baking pot brownies is fun, but have you ever cooked up a batch with your parents? That's a little weird, right? Well, it's quite the opposite for one young man and his father: "We spend our bonding time making brownies."

Statistics being what they are, every homophobic politician must have a gay loved one hiding somewhere. Dick Cheney has Mary. Alan Keyes has Maya. And Christine O'Donnell, Tea Party Queen of Delaware, has a lesbian sister in L.A.

According to a new phone study, a majority of Americans now think that same-sex couples with children and married gays without kids count as "a family." Not everyone, though! Not everyone thinks that! So, still got a ways to go.

After being bitten by a barracuda while on a fishing trip, 14-year-old Koral Wira needed 51 stitches. But first she had to pose for a classic family photo with her father and the 42-inch fish. (She's okay now.) [F&S; Fark]

Jan Schill, the daughter of a judicial candidate in Oklahoma, really doesn't want her father to be a judge. So much so that she took out a full-page ad telling people not to vote for him. And started a blog.

Are men capable of dealing with a child's poop? Despite strong warnings from wise men that only women have the inborn baby poop-handling gene, Pampers is now trying to pawn off its dirty product on fathers. They're not doing well.

America's Future First Family, The Palins, are whiling away their time up in Wasilla, Alaska, as usual. Sarah's counting her speaking money; Bristol's counting her speaking money; and Todd—well, Todd's just there to intimidate the reporters.

Growing up, Joe Mozingo assumed his last name was Italian, or maybe French Basque. And then he met a distant relative named Sherrie Mazingo. Sherrie is black, and she had news: Their common ancestor was, too. How cool is that?

The Way We Live Now: As one big family. Extended families living together are back! By necessity, borne of poverty. Still, something we can embrace. Unlike sewage wage freezes and worthless garbage homes and crazy old Senate alien coots.