Woo, the feud between Conrad Black and Michael Wolff—an incarcerated media mogul fraudster and a self-absorbed media gossip—is heating up! Which of these two ridiculous men is more deserving of your scorn? Let's see:

Ahh, Rex Sorgatz and Neal Boulton! We've teased microfame expert Rexie for "forgetting his Internet safeword" while we flogged him a while back, and the endearing pansexual Genre editor Boulton for being a pussy/publicity hound.

Listen, kids: Your dream of growing up to be a famous hockey goon and Vogue intern can all be scuttled by obliquely referring to Elisha Cuthbert as a cum dumpster. Sean Avery has fallen!

This kid, David Karp, the Tumblr founder—he's now a confirmed (notional) multimillionaire! That means it's time for a field guide, in case you need to hit him up for money soon. Which you will.

Julia Allison: entrepreneur, feminist, hero of our time. She's publicly announced her desire to go to business school, and when she went to visit Harvard Business School the other day "quite a few people" had read her blog and came at her with all types of questions! So naturally she sat down and made a video about her intentions—not just for her own education, but also for her fake company, Nonsociety, which she would like to sell in 3-5 years. After the jump, watch Julia expound on her well thought-out scheme to make "fuck you [Nick Denton] money":

Neal Boulton is reportedly orgasmic. The editor of a magazine for gays and a website for bis signed a book deal (with an agent) and claims to be drowning in reality show offers following a profile in Page Six Magazine. Everyone wants to screw and/or sign the sexual libtertine, supposedly, because of his oh-so-exciting and freewheeling life. But all indications are that his most famous antics were manufactured in the press. Take his alleged macking with Rolling Stone Jann Wenner, for example, Boulton's claim to "pansexual" fame.

"At Obama’s Chicago headquarters RIGHT NOW." [Julia Allison, Video]

It's funny and meta to watch Julia Allison get profiled. Since she's already done all the work for us in real time—chronicling her thoughts and moods and outfits on her blog—a profile seems beside the point and out of date by the time it goes to print—we've already seen those outfits and photos, and we already know what events she's been to. Journalists are usually left baffled upon their first introduction to the JA force of nature—when we've been collectively getting her IMs for years! Australia is just now catching on to this Internet fameball/oversharing thing, putting Allison on the cover of a magazine—and including her close personal friend, and also our former editor, Emily Gould. (At this point, Em seems like she wants to erase the Internet and spend a month in a sensory-deprivation chamber.) The profile is very similar to Allison's Wired cover story, except for perhaps the journalist's outright dislike for her subjects.She calls Allison's two sidekicks Mary and Megan "equally terrifying alpha girlfriends." (Touché!) Also: "I meet Gould in the painfully sceney Balthazar cafe in New York’s Soho (her choice)." Dang. However, we finally learn how Julia thinks her baffling Nonsociety startup will earn money!

Everybody wants a piece of Internet fame these days, even prisoners who don't have access to the Internet. Wade Kirkwood is a serial arsonist—it's basically an addiction for him and all the wildfire coverage on cable news is his porn. CNN interviewed him recently to get insight on whoever it is setting fires in California, and now he's written them from prison asking if they could maybe "put his name out on the Internet" because he's "very interested in helping people that suffer from the same problems I deal with". Oh, no, he wants to be a fameball! Trust us, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. That said: here ya go, Wade Kirkwood: you're on the Internet. Congratulations! Click through for an excerpt of his prison letter to CNN.

How did fameballs get famous in 18th-century Britain? They died! Now that we have the Internet, you don't have to wait for your own death to get written up in the papers—you can publish all your career-killing overshares yourself. But back then, "research by the University of Warwick shows [that] death gave birth to the modern cult of celebrity, as the sudden rise in the popularity of obituaries of unusual people in the 1700s provided people with the... equivalent of a celebrity gossip magazine," says Eureka Alert. It was often the eccentrics "from all walks of life" that people loved to read about, such as a man who would "hire himself out to impersonate a doctor and tell fortunes in a fur cap, a large white beard and a worn damask night gown." Hm, what sort of eccentrics would we write about today in those obits? Perhaps a girl from the Midwest who came to the big city, and whose quest for any sort of fame involved buying 180 candy bars, removing the wrappers, and stitching them together to make an eye-catching outfit:

Last week we had a very clear piece of advice for human campaign prop Joe "Wurzelbacher" The Plumber: get to plumbing! All this hype he's getting as a McCain hack isn't worth shit except free advertising for his core business of Roto-Rooting. But Joe has failed to heed our warning, surprisingly. He's broke, and he's not afraid to complain about it on national television shows such as the respected Inside Edition! Thank god those mysterious checks that appear in his mailbox regularly are at least temporarily offsetting the freeloading Obama supporters trying to take food off his family:

Here is Julia Alison eating brownies at her mom and dad's house in Chicago this afternoon. "God, they were good," she says. "Fudgey and moist and dense."

Imagine you're a marketing intern at an online dating company that lets you video-chat with others. Part of your job is to give the lonely ladies out there a little webcam-time and pretend you like them. That's what tipster Corey does: "To be fair, it’s not so much an internship as it is emotional prostitution... It's weird and mildly unethical, but it pays well. I mean, if I have to let some 45 year old cat lady from Wyoming think we’re having an emotional affair so I can occasionally eat at Le Bateau Ivre, then so be it." We understand. But it must have been shocking for him to have the omniscient fameball trio of dating columnist Julia Allison & her Nonsociety friends pop up on his screen while he was emotionally prostituting himself. He must have felt like he truly met his match!

So what are you working on? If you're tax-cheating media-gatecrasher Priyantha Silva—known more for your sweaty drinking exploits than your fictional producing career—it's where things might go wrong. That's probably why he's chatting up aspiring actresses and sending them these upcoming "film projects." "Legend of Black Tom isn't a real [politically correct] title, but I believe some studio would throw it out," snarks the gal who sent them to us. We've also been deluged with memories from others: "He's had it in for me ever since this," said Star's Ben Widdicombe. "I saw him trying to get into the Calvin Klein 40th anniversary party during Fashion Week, and more recently at a Vanity Fair party for St John. He was trying to chat up Lauren Bush before the alert event organizer separated them. He has been in and out of prison and is more dangerous than just a harmless party crasher." Oh, great!From yet another lady:

When your quotidian indiscretions can be photographed, Twittered, and uploaded before you've stumbled out of a cab and up the steps at the end of the night, extra precautions must be taken. Especially you're dating extreme lifestreaming oversharer Julia Allison. Yes, one brave gent has stepped up to the plate. Crazy we didn't hear about it sooner, because she usually shares all her important life decisions with us via her blog—and most men are therefore afraid to date her. "She realized this recently after three promising first dates abruptly called it quits," as her recent NYT profile put it. "In an e-mail message, Ms. Allison acknowledged that her chosen profession may have permanently ruined her social life." But not entirely. Eater's darkly handsome blogger-about-town Ben Leventhal has taken her on.Ohai, Ben! You have been fearing this day for a while, haven't you?

Maybe the fact that the 2.0 world allows everyone to "be their own publicist" and "control their own image" isn't such a good idea, after all. We love, love, love the obligatory blog-posting post-profile/article teeth-gnashing that such luminaries such as heiressblogger Emily Brill, Wired cover girl Julia Allison, and writer Emily Gould put themselves through. People used to crafting every facet of their public face themselves don't tend to like what they look like when someone other than themselves is taking the picture. Details profiled techboys and fameballs Charles Forman and Tumblr founder David Karp as part of a story on the "Playboys of Tech." It's not Forman gnashing his teeth about the resulting article (he ain't dumb)—it's his attention-requiring ex-girlfriend doing it for him."If a blog post is like an essay and a tweet is like a haiku, then a tumblelog is like stream-of-consciousness poetry," the article begins. That's right—and boy, is it a scary idea for literacy. (But it's also such a great embarrassing content-creator for our purposes. So, don't shit where ya eat.)

Let's just admit that we've all placed a personal ad on Craigslist at one time or the other. Only the last thing you want to do in that situation is post your photo in the ad, because what if someone you know saw it and recognized you? OMG that would be so embarrassing... hey, Charles Forman! The Iminlikewithyou web boy (and Julia Allison ex, although we'd bet good money that their relationship was never "consummated") is looking for love... on Craigslist! We'll help him out by posting his ad for a wider audience.He describes himself as a "creative entrepreneur" who lives in "Midtown." He "run[s] an internet company-which is a lot of fun. When I find time on the side, I'm a media artist... I work out a lot so I'm in good physical shape." Hey-o! So, ladies, we'll vouch for Charles. He's funny and can probably afford to buy you dinner. We met him once and he smelled nice. He's been in an Esquire fashion shoot. (Oh, and despite many photos that would hint otherwise, he is not Tumblr founder David Karp's gay lover.) Act now! (Caveat: as a commenter just pointed out—if you break up with him, he might humiliate you in public.)

The doubters were wrong: the Wired cover featuring dating columnist/microcelebrity Julia Allison is one of the best-selling covers for the tech magazine in the last eight years, Portfolio reports. We suppose that congratulations are in order. So congrats or whatever. Julia's Wired cover outsold Rupert Murdoch's and Sarah Silverman's. (That is 103,000 copies.) Except. She won by default! Sex n' high heels sells, obviousy, and a woman on the cover of a geek magazine—or a celebrity or fashion magazine, for that matter—always does better. And Wired doesn't put very many women on its cover. It's the Sarah Palin effect.

Leven Rambin, our favorite teen soap star, tore through New York back when she was still jailbait—she stole her older sister's friend's boyfriend (that would be Time Out dating columnist Julia Allison's webtard ex, Jakob Lodwick), was photographed at every party (the important ones, anyway), and had a baffling assignation with fruitini-swilling, scarf-wearing Men's Vogue writer Hud Morgan (who once got bitch-slapped at the Beatrice.) All before she turned eighteen! Now she's in Los Angeles, doing Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Rambin's (character's) new love interest is quite a step up: he's the savior of humanity, John Connor, "the boy who will one day lead an army of puny humans against sentient bloodthirsty robots."

The much-vaunted Miss Williamsburg pageant we warned you about has come and gone. What to say—the hip neighborhood manages to simultaneously be everything that's wrong and right with Brooklyn's creative slacker class. Since we didn't have the energy to attend (it sounded exhausting), we are happy that the New York Press covered the blessed event. "The girl crowned Miss Williamsburg, C.J. Johnson, boasted the talent of shot-gunning a PBR and taking her panties off through an American Apparel 'onesie'..." Click through to see the crowned King and Queen of Williamsburg, along with pageant drama (includes Xanax and New Jersey!)