Since Beatrice Inn closed last April it feels like hundreds — thousands — of clubs and lounges have tried to claim succession. Today we have big news on the actual new Beatrice — Paul Sevigny's imminent new place.

Interested in a beach bag that says "Westhampton Beach?" An Southampton-branded umbrella? A wallet with "East Hampton Beach" stamped on it? We can't imagine you would be. Nevertheless, we're also guessing the powers that be on the East End of Long Island won't be happy to hear that they no longer control their own names. This week, a variety of Hamptons-related trademarks were granted by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office in Washington. And it isn't a local who has the right to exploit them in the future. It's a German national who operates a garment factory in Hong Kong who does. A few of the trademarks Mr. Frank Fleischer acquired this week are listed below.

When Steve Madden introduced its horrific Multi-Color Bukled Heel last year, it was pretty clear where inspiration for the shoe had come from: Balenciaga's equally unattractive Closed Front Cage Sandals With Ankle Pads, which were part of its Fall '07 line, cost $4,175 and graced the feet of Beyoncé. "Steve Madden has gone too far this time," wrote one fashion blogger galled by the obvious copy. It seems Balenciaga was thinking the same thing! On Monday, it slapped Steve Madden with a lawsuit. The court documents are below.

On Tuesday, the New York Daily News took the New York Post to task over its new "sex, love and relationship" columnist Ashley Dupre, calling the ex-hooker's advice "useless" and bemoaning the fact Post editors have insisted on giving Dupre a "16th minute of fame." But the Daily News is a friend to publicity-seeking former sex workers, too! Look no further than Kristin Davis, the madam who claims she provided escorts to former Gov. Eliot Spitzer. Over the past 11 months, the News has mentioned Davis in no fewer than 16 articles, many of which link to her website and plug her self-published paperback book. (Just yesterday, she earned a mention when the Daily News' Gatecrasher column interviewed Davis about her plans to run against Spitzer for state comptroller in the event he decides to run himself.) It's almost like the paper has Davis on speed dial, doesn't it?

Amy Sacco's Bungalow 8 went out of business in October. But she just had some great news come her way! Sacco prevailed in a long-running legal battle against Bungalow 8's onetime insurance company.

Former NYC police commissioner Bernie Kerik was released from jail on November 10 after spending nearly three weeks behind bars for violating the conditions of his bail. He's now under house arrest until he's sentenced on February 18 for the eight felony counts he pleaded guilty to last month, including tax fraud and perjury. But the stress of his three-week stint in the clink—which included a 10-day trip to the psych ward—has clearly taken its toll. He's practically unrecognizable in these new photos that Kerik posted to the Web earlier this week. Click on the photo above to see the very spooky transformation for yourself.

Is reclusive money manager and convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein looking to raise a little cash to pay off his mouting legal bills? One of the car collector's most prized vehicles, a 2003 Ferrari 575M Maranello, is now up for sale and can be yours for a very reasonable $159,000. John Connolly, the former NYPD detective turned investigative reporter who tipped us off to the sale, tells us that Epstein recently transferred to the car title to his pilot in an effort to conceal its (less-than-savory) origins. And, sure enough, that appears to be the case.

It turns out the video we posted last week was just one way Scientology plans to take over the world. Here's more sinister leaked footage in which leader David Miscavige lays out his plans for intergalactic domination to fervent followers.

The Facebook privacy snafu really is the gift that keeps on giving (if you're a gossip blog). Here are the elect to Yale's Skull & Bones secretest society partying on their private island (we think) near the Canadian border.

We have got hold of some of the original memos that L. Ron Hubbard passed down in the early days of Scientology — they are still revered today as a foundation for the cult. Today: L. Ron on sex!

If you stop off for some filet mignon at the Michael Jordan Steak House in Grand Central Station or Strip House on East 12th Street, you may have trouble ordering a salad as an appetizer. The Glazier Group, the company that runs both those restaurants (and used to operate Monkey Bar before it fell into the hands of a certain Condé Nast editor) was sued this week by a fruit and vegetable supplier over $209,000 in unpaid bills. Is this a sign of trouble for the mini-chain? Some sort of protest over one too many mushy tomatoes? Who knows, but you can look over the suit yourself below.

Seven months ago, Glamour introduced us to 27 year-old Lera Loeb, a Ukranian girl who found love and a rich American husband through a marriage brokerage service. Now she's working on a book and a television series. What's her secret?

In the world of celebrities, socialites, and reality stars, relationships are more often "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" than "long-term." That's to be expected, of course. Think of all the temptations when countless other beautiful people are around! To size up the potential of a handful of newer and more high-profile couples on the New York City scene, we turned to Patti Wood, the "Babe Ruth of body language experts" who has evaluated unspoken signals for hundreds of media outlets over the years. Join us below as Wood breaks down which twosomes are destined for eternal bliss—and which are bound for a break-up.

NBC News didn't pay the Salahis for their exclusive Today appearance this morning. They didn't have to: According to rival bookers trying to land the Salahis, they already have a contract with Bravo preventing them from talking to anyone else.

Congrats to Rush Limbaugh! We hear he's finally set a date get married for a fourth time—appropriately enough, it is the Fourth of July!

Sources say disgraced Republican financier Tim Durham (pictured, as the mad hatter) hangs out with perpetual parasite Kato Kaelin (in the flight suit), targeted the Amish and keeps a room in his mansion for Ludacris.

Libyan leader Muammar Gadaffi's kids are a hoot: Saif is a painter who keeps pet tigers, while Hannibal enjoys sports cars and turning fire extinguishers into weapons. And, according to sources, they're paying the U.S. a visit on daddy's dime.

Nancy Cartwright is the voice of Bart Simpson. She is also a famous Scientologist. She is also selling her son's bedroom furniture for $500. Need some shelves?

"Douche" is having a moment, clearly. Last weekend, the New York Times devoted a front-page story to point out that the word has been used 76 times during primetime TV this fall (provoking a good deal of mockery online and off in the process). Now the infamous "douche" lawsuit from 2008 has popped back up in New York State Supreme Court.

Last week, MTV announced its newest series, Jersey Shore, which it promises will feature the "hottest, tannest, craziest guidos" in the Jerz. (Think The Hills, but starring people who are tanner and have a whole lot more confidence.) What you can expect to see: all the fist pumping, pecs, and hair gel you can handle, naturally. So how close will it be to reality and how much of it will be the product of imaginative MTV producers? To separate fact from fiction, we reached out to the world's leading expert on guido-dom, Anthony Moussa, a 30-year-old Jersey native who founded the website NLSociety.com (formerly the infamous NJGuido.com), and asked him to explain to us what the lifestyle is really all about. Join us as he discusses man-jewelry, the origin of the fist pump, and how some guidos today are disgracing the culture that so many hold near and dear.