Bernie Sanders today endorsed Hillary Clinton, his obligatory words of approval impressively audible through his thin smile.

On Tuesday, Queen of Dollywood Dolly Parton took to social media to respond to reports that she had endorsed Hillary Clinton, clarifying that she supports the presumptive Democratic nominee in the same way she supports all of us, whom she loves dearly.

“Sprite,” the sweet nectar that is sucked from the veins of rappers by advertising industry vampires, has claimed another victim.

At a campaign rally in Indianapolis on Wednesday, famously furious basketball coach Bobby Knight endorsed famously furiouser basketball Donald Trump, saying he will be one of the “best presidents in U.S. history.”

According to The Baltimore Sun, the 19-year-old hand stuff solicitor described Trump as “hardworking.”

For the first time in the modern primary era, the New York presidential primary election, happening today, is actually important in the races for both the Republican and Democratic nominations. For the conscientious citizen, this is lousy news. You can no longer engage in the beloved New York tradition of just writing in Howard Stern, confident that your vote wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

The New York Observer, which was once a good newspaper, is endorsing the owner’s wife’s dad for president.

We all know that former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani is a hard man to please. The guy has even denounced Beyoncé.

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton often faces criticism for being out of touch with the youth. She doesn’t do a very good job making a case for the opposite, either, opting instead to ruin popular dances for everyone. Still, the former secretary of state just got the best endorsement a candidate hoping to inspire millennials could hope for—Bobby Shmurda.

A watchdog group affiliated with Hillary Clinton supporters have filed a complaint with the Justice Department, Politico reports, accusing Donald Trump of engaging in an illegal quid quo pro with Ben Carson.

Before we get down to business, here is a TL;DR version of this post:

On Monday, Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi endorsed Donald Trump for president. In 2013, Bondi’s office declined to investigate Trump University after Trump donated $25,000 to her re-election effort. “I know the system far better than anybody else and I know the system is broken,” Trump said last week.

According the Washington Post, Dr. Ben Carson plans to endorse his good friend Donald Trump, who once compared him to a pedophile. Carson joins New Jersey Governor Chris Christie among the hostages Trump has taken.

Remember—oh, you know. That one. The one who ruined that computer company? And then tried to run for president? Yeah, her. She’s officially endorsing Ted Cruz.

Mitt Romney, a man not really known for making good choices, is set to endorse Sen. Marco Rubio for the Republican presidential candidacy.

Millennial favorites (?) Demi Lovato, Lena Dunham, and Katy Perry have all campaigned for Hillary Clinton this election cycle, and according to a new report from The Free Beacon, at least one of them has gotten paid. The Clinton campaign reported paying Perry’s company, Kitty Purry, Inc., almost $70,000 in December for “event production.”

If there’s one endorsement that will surely tip the scales on the Republican presidential candidacy, it’s surely that of an exorcist who failed at the race himself.

Today the editorial board of Sheldon Adelson’s Las Vegas Review-Journal endorsed Florida Senator and third-place Iowa caucuses loser Marco Rubio for Nevada’s upcoming Republican caucuses. The board writes:

On Saturday, The New York Times’ editorial board endorsed Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton for her party’s nomination, calling her “one of the most broadly and deeply qualified presidential candidates in modern history.” The board wrote: