The droning chorus of warnings about how prospective employers check your Facebook page so don't put up any pictures of you taking shots or holding up a convenience store and would you please unlike MaggieMoo's, it's embarrassing has grown particularly loud over the past few days.
Poor middle-aged six-figure recruitment executive Gary Chaplin was only trying to be helpful and honest when he told a prospective job seeker via email to "fuck off" for being "too stupid to get a job, even in banking." Unfortunately, the 4,000 other people he sent the email to by accident didn't appreciate his candor.
Given Whole Foods' status as "one of America's best places to work (for herpes-union haters)," you might be surprised to hear that a couple years ago the company fired a whistle blower. And not just any old whistle blower, either, but a "poop leak whistle blower": a sewage sniffer-outer, a foe of feces fraud.
If you were advertising a legal secretary position on Craiglist, would you post it in the Jobs section under "Legal/Paralegal," or in the Gigs section under "Adult"? If you're Illinois lawyer Samir Zia Chowhan you'd choose Option Two, because you'd expect your secretary to be "adult"—with you! On the clock and on the desk, never sleep, never rest.
Unemployed? Enjoy apples, fresh air, and exercise? Then here's some good news: There are plenty of jobs to be had in America's apple orchards, at this very moment. Orchards in New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Washington, and Virginia, and probably a few other states can't find enough laborers to help harvest their crops. They're looking for you!
Online reputation managing company Reppler surveyed 300 "professionals" who participate in "the hiring process at their companies" to figure out the relative importance of job applicants' social media presences. Their findings: 9 out of 10 employers report using social media to screen prospective employees. 7 out of 10 report rejecting candidates based on their social media presences—and roughly the same number report accepting candidates based on their social media presences, too.
"Look at that plate of brownies sitting over there by the laser printer. Who would do that? Who would leave a whole plate of delicious, gooey, chocolate fudge brownies by the laser printer, and force me to stare temptation square in the eyes like that? I bet Kathleen from marketing brought those in. I shouldn't have one. Don't do it. But they do look good! Oh fine, maybe a quarter brownie, just to satisfy the craving. Wow. I ate two brownies. Piggie. They weren't even that great. [45 minutes pass.] Why am I laughing? Do I have something on my face? I feel like I have ladybugs all over my face. I never actually noticed this before, but the VP of Sales looks exactly like a Latino stegosaurus. What am I even talking about? Why do my hands suddenly feel as heavy as bowling balls? You're freaking me out! Stop it! Wait — you're me! When did I start staring at myself in the bathroom mirror?! Just walk back to your desk and get through. This. Day."
Osama bin Laden was many things: Terrorist, mass murderer, psychopath, sociopath, chronic masturbator, poon hound. But for all of his faults, bin Laden was a pretty decent employer, in jidahi terms, at least. Much of that stems from his degree in economics and public administration. From NPR, we have more tales of Osama bin Laden as micro-managing terrorist mastermind:
People lose jobs all the time by writing dumb stuff on Twitter. But Newton's Third Law of Internet Dynamics means people also get jobs by writing dumb stuff on Twitter. Well, in this case it's internships: the New York Times recounts how the ad agency Campbell Mithun hired six summer interns via a Twitter competition, "The Lucky 13," wherein they had to come up with 13 tweets making their case.
The revolution in Egypt has done a lot of good for the country and the region as a whole, but there have been some unintended consequences. For instance, what about all of the State Security officers — you know, the ones responsible for terrorizing the general public, running torture centers for decades, and even helping the CIA with its extraordinary rendition program? Suddenly they're out of work! Take former State Security Investigation System agent Hazem Ramzy. He's brandishing his skills on LinkedIn, and is "seeking a managerial position in the safety and security industry." So what are his qualifications? To name just a few:
CNN laid hands on some internal FBI documents rounding up the Bureau's disciplinary actions since 2008. Guess what? Putting your wife in the hospital gets a 45-day suspension, but fudging an expense report or smoking marijuana gets you fired.
You totally think your job sucks, right? Well, you only have it really bad if you're employed in one of these 10 fields, since these are the jobs most likely to have caused a major depression in the last year.
Attractive women are discriminated against in certain professions, according to a recent study that asked participants to sort photographs of job applicants based on their "suitability for the job." But what kind of jobs aren't suitable for a total babe?
