Realizing that the only way to silence Emmy co-presenter Quentin Tarantino when he's coked up to his hairline is to shove a tongue down his throat, CSI star Marg Helgenberger bravely takes one for the team.

Yes, we know that we said that we were going to liveblog the Emmys telecast, but when the show opened with John Travolta recounting what it was like to accept an award on behalf of deceased The Boy in the the Plastic Bubble co-star Diana Hylund in 1977, we realized that no amount of alcohol would allow us to track three hours of profound boredom in real time, hit pause on the TiVo, and went to get a bite to eat. Oscar's crayon-eating little brother would have to wait. We returned, belly full, to distill the show into a collection of Emmy Moments, presented here in chronological order:

With the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina fresh in everyone's minds, the producers of this Sunday's much-hyped Emmys are trying to balance fun with a sense of caring and compassion. After all, they've hired post-9/11 Emmy host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGe—-Hey! Chocolate walls! Chocolate! Fucking! Cocktail! Tables! YAAAAAAAY!

· Variety proclaims that actors, not directors, are creating all the buzz at the Telluride film festival, with Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Catherine Keener in Capote, Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Line, and Heath Ledger and a pair of sexy chaps in gay cowboy flick Brokeback Mountain among the standouts. [Variety]
· THR's Hollywood and Katrina round-up: Jerry Lewis raises a million dollars for hurricane victims, the major networks get ready to unite Friday for another relief concert, and MTV goes it alone. [THR,THR]
· Marvel Entertainment will independently finance and produce big-screen vehicles for the leftover comic book characters in their stable, announcing plans to adapt ten of their titles. That's right, True Believers, you might finally get those Ant Man and Power Pack movies you've been clamoring for! [Variety]
· Deciding that a tentative plan to execute losers on the Emmy telecast wasn't cruel enough, the show will feature an "Emmy Idol" competition in which actors like Kristen Bell and William Shatner sing TV themes and are subjected to a public vote on their off-key warblings. [THR]