After teasing America's sapphic set with power lesbian proximity and a hint-filled SNL sketch, Ellen Page doused their rubyfruit dreams by canceling her upcoming lesbian werewolf flick. Now, word comes of a same-sex replacement!

Oscar's Stepchildren: Reclaiming the selective credentials that helped nudge Crash to a Best Picture win only three years ago, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is cracking down on new membership effective immediately. Among the first to feel the pinch: Last year's nominees Ellen Page, Casey Affleck and Amy Ryan, all snubbed in 2008 by an actor's branch that even Academy execs say might have gone too far in restricting invitations. But, reports the NY Times, Henry Winkler retains his influence, so, you know, as you were, Hollywood. [NYT]

Imagine acting in a film opposite Ellen Page; every day on set must be a bundle of Diablo Cody-scripted larfs, right? According to Marcia Gay Harden, not so much! Harden and her daughter play members of Page's family in Drew Barrymore's upcoming directorial debut Whip It!, and both told MTV that the Juno actress simply would not submit to their months-long campaign of laugh harassment:

">Hollywood PrivacyWatch Two-For-One! 10/26/08 — A friend and I stopped by Hugo's in West Hollywood for a late lunch. As we were walking through the patio toward our table, we passed a very familiar looking blond woman. We got to our table, and I excused myself to go to the ladies' [room]. My friend said "On your way back, could you check to see if that blond woman is SHARON STONE?"Sure enough, it was Sharon having a leisurely lunch with a friend. Sharon looked fresh faced and relaxed. She's very pretty in person. My friend and I ate our lunch, asked for the check, and sat for a bit longer to chat. I looked up and who should I see walking around the corner but ELLEN PAGE looking hipster-y in a black and white checkered scarf, t-shirt and skinny jeans. She was with a waif-ish dude who was wearing Risky Business sunglasses. They were moving fast toward the parking lot behind Hugo's. Ellen looked a little tired. Maybe she was heading home for a nap? Two great sightings in one meal, and all we had to do was sit there! Sharon was still lunching when we left. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

As Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist approaches this weekend, everyone's clamoring to see if Michael Cera has what it takes to push past Ellen Page's preggo belly and Jonah Hill's girth to finally take center stage in a film. But things are looking tenuous for Cera and his "blank Pez-dispenser face," as he seems primed to reprise the dopey-but-endearing role in the new romcom. So will George Michael ever be a star?When Superbad was released, everyone was stoked on Cera and his skinny, off-beat quiet wit. He was ranked No. 1 on Entertainment Weekly's 30 Under 30 actors list. He had garnered comedic street cred from his stint on Arrested Development. And shucks, how could you forget those dimples? He was one of those cool, John Cusask-esque unlikely sex symbols! And yet now, film critic Jeffrey Wells says Cera is a mere "two or three steps from being over." His logic?

Click to viewBoomp3.com Popular pint-sized canuck Ellen Page took a slightly uncomfortable seat on an apple box on the set of Whip It. Page wished that the box had a padded cushion hidden inside, but Page made the most of her situation. It was an altogether different story for her co-star Landon Pigg, though. Pigg said, “Well, I’m just sitting on air. I took a couple of mime classes back in France.” Page was impressed by Pigg’s incredible feat of flexibility and dexterity, but she felt it was an even bigger feat of strength and skill to sit on a box for a prolonged period. [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Oh Ellen Page. Why must you make it so easy to spark lesbionic rumors after every public appearance, from outfits showcasing your boyish frame, hiring a Power Lesbian publicist to defend your Non-Power Lesbian status, and showing Jay Leno and the country just how masculine your workout moves are? Not to mention that business of stroking your phantom goatee during the macho exercises in question? Adding more flame to the female-loving fire, Page is currently filming Whip It! in Michigan alongside Drew Barrymore in the newly single actress’ directorial debut. And after hearing the trajectory of Page’s star character Bliss, including every budding Chic Lesbian’s preference of roller derby races over that superficial tradition of beauty pageants (note: we are just imagining what Ellen’s Us-recruited body language expert would "think"), we can't exactly believe with certainty that Page isn't a member of Closeted Hollywood. Not to mention these photos of the Diablo-spawned prodigy on set looking her makeup-free, greasy-haired, baggy sweatpants-wearing finest:

· In a defection sure to cause at least one WMA partner to disembowel their assistant, then themselves, with the nearest People's Choice Award, Ellen Page has left the agency for Endeavor's Ariesque embrace. All-purpose power-lesbian Kelly Bush will continue to oversee management and publicity duties. [Variety]
· Apparently there's a shortage of prestige material so far for the 2008 Oscar race, but that could change just as soon as the Academy drastically alters the rules to give Camp Rock full eligibility in all categories. [Variety]

After a long intro confirming both her stoner-film creds and her susceptibility to Mary-Kate Olsen's fashion influence, a new profile of actress Olivia Thirlby eventually got to the real news: Jack and Diane, Thirlby's long-gestating teen-lesbian-werewolf reunion with her Juno pal Ellen Page, will not be coming soon to a theater near you. We know, we know — a true shocker, but as Thirlby alludes, it's the kind of tough call that a young, sexually ambiguous Oscar-nominee just has to make:

Welcome to Ellen Page Dump-and-Run Week, when even today's news that America's ambiguously-persuasioned sweetheart is attached to star in yet another adaptation of Jane Eyre is slightly overshadowed by the two "new" Page releases you may not have known to look for. Like An American Crime? You know this one? No? Page stars as Sylvia Likens, the Indianapolis teen who was beaten, tortured and murdered by her caretaker (played by Catherine Keener) in one of the most notorious homicides in American history. We saw it at the Sundance Film Festival in 2007, when someone reportedly passed out at the premiere — probably the producer who realized his high-caliber drama (starring two Oscar nominees!) was headed straight to Showtime oblivion this Saturday at 10 p.m. We feel him, but that's not the half of it.

It took her long enough, but the eldest spawn of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore is finally putting her pedigree to good use. Rumer Willis reminded the world of her burgeoning acting career at last week's premiere of From Within, the horror flick she's starring in, and was spotted posing for her first ad campaign for Wal-Mart's newest surfer fashion brand OP (formerly Ocean Pacific). And while the extensions she wore for the premiere coupled with the bikini body she displayed alongside Pete Wentz for the photo shoot do admittedly evoke memories of a younger version of her iconic mom, are Rumer's recent career choices really going to jumpstart a Demi-like fame trajectory? Or will she soon be on MTV's third season of Rock The Cradle?

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, we'll surely be forced to endure another Pellicano trial! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you heard David Spade drop a bevy of F-bombs in front of toddlers at Koi.

As we put this week to bed, it's time to reflect, project, deflect and genuflect on the week that was...
· Big week for Gorgeous George Clooney. His passion project, Leatherheads,
disappointed at the box office (twice!), he was on the receiving end of a threatening phone call and his sand-loving girlfriend turned his bachelor pad into Yankee Candle outlet. Ah, who are we kidding? He can still pull digits with the best of 'em.
· Ellen Page butched it up on Leno and may (or may not!) have dissed Hanoi Jane.
· Certainly, Tom Cruise has had better weeks. MGM tried to spin Valkyrie's second release date pushback as a B.O. ploy, but we knew better.
· Artie Lange and Charlton Heston both had shitty weeks, too. Artie resigned from the Howard Stern Show and Charlton, well, he died.
· The hackiest hack that ever hacked, Uwe Boll, found himself on the wrong end of an online petition that might just end his career (fingers crossed!). Howevs, he was able to leverage the power of the internet to fight back ... twice!
· It was Musical Chairs week at Hollywood's biggest talent agencies. Bob DeNiro bolted from CAA (spurring a hilarious poison pen post from the Death Star), Nick Stevens led one of "the biggest agent migrations in years" when he bolted from UTA to Endeavor and a finch with a mean streak wreaked havoc at CAA shortly after Ashton Kutcher became the agency's newest client.
· Teri Hatcher and Clint Black learned that they're both better off sticking with their day jobs.
· After publicly (and somewhat shadily) announcing that he and his wife were victims of an alleged extortion attempt by his nanny, Rob Lowe displayed the keen ability to turn an adjective into a noun when he coined the term "false terribles."

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, global warming will surely accelerate at an even faster rate! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you watched Janice Dickinson eat two buckets of popcorn during the course of just one movie.

Oh Ellen Page. First you send your "power lesbian" publicist into a tizzy defending your heterosexual honor, then you make a fool out of poor Jay Leno in his own house of belly laughs. Have you really moved on to shun the potty-mouthed legend that is Jane Fonda? One stripper-scripted indie hit on your resume does not entitle you to divadom quite yet. In a scathing NY Daily News blind item today, a "rising young actress" is reported to have brushed off Fonda's desire to meet her at a party with a curse-laden remark, and as our detective skills suggest after the jump, all signs point to Page as the catty star in question.

Despite her "power lesbian" publicist vehemently lashing out against all those pesky lesbian rumors, Ellen Page still has her work cut out for her when it comes to convincing us she doesn't (even on occasion) prefer girls. The Smart People star appeared on Leno last night to obediently promote the film, and even though Page got slightly more gussied up than usual in a tight-ish dress and heels, her inability to cross those legs comfortably coupled with an imitation of what someone looks like "lifting weights in the sunshine" did little to disspell our suspicions.

At a screening of the upcoming film, Smart People, Sarah Jessica Parker played Henry Higgins as she displayed her latest creation, a fierce and more girly Ellen Page. Page described the experience like being on an episode of "What Not To Wear," but with a heavy emphasis on shoes. Parker hopes that this fresh look put an end to all of those rumors surrounding Page the past few months.

Having flirted with dangerous levels of underexposure since winning her Best Screenplay Oscar a little over a month ago, Diablo Cody is back with a double-barreled blast of creative miracles. First up, The Hollywood Reporter notes that Cody's long-rumored comedy series The United States of Tara — starring Toni Collette as the title character afflicted with multiple personalities — is nearing a full-season order from Showtime. We can handle this without much difficulty — and by "handle" we mean "believe," because the second project has the calendar-conscious skeptic in us praying for an April Fool's Day revelation:

The upcoming film The Tracey Fragments stars Ellen Page (the Juno actress who invented youth), is about a bleakly disaffected youngster, looks to take place somewhere in the great Northern wilds, features a score by Broken Social Scene (they also did Half Nelson!), and employs a "highly inventive and dynamic Mondrian-like" split-screen technique. Add all that up and you get what could be the trendiest, most mind-suckingly irritating movie ever to exist. It's called The Tracey Fragments for Pete's sake. Also, "Mondrian-like"? Split screen may work (sort of) on shows like 24 but a whole movie of it is like watching a two hour preview. Does anyone remember Mike Figgis' 2000 split screen experiment Timecode? Exactly. It's hard to tell what the, you know, plot of the movie is from the trailer, but I'm guessing it has to do with the interconnectedness of all things, the places our choices take us, and people coming to terms with things. (Disclosure: I never saw Juno. So fuck off.) Trailer after the jump, featuring the late J.T. from Degrassi.

· Alison Lohman has taken the lead in Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell, a role recently vacated by increasingly picky Friend of K.D. Ellen Page. [Variety]
· Hollywood EmploymentWatch: Unlike shitcanning-happy The CW, TNT is beefing up its original programming, with a goal of launching "all-original Monday-Wednesday primetime lineup by 2010." [Variety]
· The Weinstein Co. optioned Rita Marley's autobiography No Woman No Cry: My Life With Bob Marley for a screen treatment set for a 2009 release. Cate Blanchett is in talks to play both halves of this moving, musical love story, as well as a young Ziggy. (We now acknowledge that the hacky "Cate Blanchett can play anything" jokes were pretty much put to rest at the Oscars, and move on.) [Variety]
· The Genies, aka The Oscars of the North™, give Sarah Polley's Away From Her and David Cronenberg's Eastern Promises seven trophies each, worth far more on the open awards market now that the U.S. economy is in the shitter. [THR]
· CBS picked up a "cast-contingent order" of Single White Millionaire, a sitcom pilot from Family Guy writer Ricky Blitt about "an unassuming millionaire in his thirties who is ready to settle down." No word on who they're eyeing for the lead, but may we offer up Fat K-Fed? Think about it for a second: It's kind of perfect. [THR]