Doomed iPad newspaper The Daily offers a fascinating dispatch from the Mid Ohio Alternative Animal and Bird Sale, a seasonal auction that draws thousands to the tiny Amish town of Mount Hope:

This elk, of Gothenburg, Sweden, has a problem. His girlfriend broke up with him and he lost his job in ER (Elk Resources) all in the same day. What's an elk who's fallen hard, and I mean hard, on his luck to do but give in to the demons and drink his suffering away? We've all been there so enough with the quiet judging. Unfortunately however, this elk indulged in tee many appletoonis and wound up trapped in an apple tree singing several verses of "Drunken Sailor." He was discovered by Per Johansson, who upon returning home from work, heard the elk and went to investigate.