Someday you are going to find that your monster children have learned a completely different and fantastical version of American history than you did. Thanks to Texas!

Today we looked at our screwed up public school system and it sparked a lively debate among you commenters. What's to be done? One commenter in particular unpacked the problem nicely. Nothing was solved exactly, but nothing ever is.

A national panel of experts has recommended that the US should adopt uniform education standards for all public schools nationwide, rather than leaving it to the states to set the standards. Why, are the states doing something wrong?

An underperforming school displayed "courage" by firing all 93 of its education professionals. Unemployed people, take note: There are 93 job openings in Central Falls, Rhode Island right now. [WaPo] [Pic: Zazzle]

Brad Ferro, the NYC high school gym teacher who punched Jersey Shore's lovable pet Snooki in the face, is being fired. If they fire all gym teachers who drunkenly punch women, who will be left to teach dodgeball? [TMZ]

A survey finds that idealistic youngsters who complete two years teaching at a poor school for Teach For America subsequently become burned-out cynics with "lower rates of civic involvement" than their non-TFA peers. Schools: Destroying American idealism since 1639. [NYT]

How academia should be: "'Hideous Gnosis,' a six-hour theory symposium on black-metal music" at a Williamsburg bar last weekend. Talks included "Perpetual Rot: Obsessive Cycles of Deterioration," on "'liminal death-space' in the work of Xasthur." Screw college. [NYT; Related]

Yet another reason to regret that college education: While unemployment nationwide began going down last month, guess which way unemployment among recent college grads moved? That's right: Up! Is there a "grim case study" to illustrate this problem, we wonder?

Our favorite fake answer is tech investor Peter Thiel's theory that the interent is a harmless network of FAX machines. Always running PR for our future robot overlords, that one.

After getting into Tulane, NYU, USC, Michigan State, an Ivy, a safety school, and whatever liberal arts school you threatened your Republican parents with actually attending, there's only one you really need to worry about: Cannabis College. Bongs away.

It's the oldest tale in the book of high school cliches: Kids love Cool English Teacher for treating them like adults; administration hates Cool English Teacher for same reason; and then somewhere in there, there's a carrot in the butt.

In advance of Goldman Sachs' anticipated gargantuan charitable donation calculated to mask the stench of its taxpayer-financed cash bonanza, CityFile rummaged through the past recipients of Goldman's largesse. Guess what they found? Tony, preposterously expensive private prep schools, that's what!

David Letterman has crossed the threshold from tabloid guest star to full time villain. Well, if Quinnipiac University's to be believed.

You will soon be hearing a lot about Barack Obama's "Safe Schools Czar." His name is Kevin Jennings, and you will learn that he wants to promote homosexuality, he hates God, and he does drugs.

There's another big campus death. It doesn't appear to be murder, but it definitely qualifies as unfortunate and unnecessary.

We mentioned this yesterday, but now we've got the video: A woman announced at a Texas Education Agency hearing yesterday that she is a 56-year-old virgin. She thought she was testifying at a hearing about sex education. She wasn't.

offering public testimony today at a hearing before the state's board of education on proposed standards requiring history textbooks to cover Newt Gingrich and Phyllis Schlafly, via Talking Points Memo.

Barack Obama went into this Labor Day weekend amid a firestorm of controversy over his back to school speech. That firestorm was fanned a bit by Van Jones' resignation. So, what can Obama expect as the news cycle begins anew?

You'd think the average grad student at Harvard would know how to use the bathroom by now, wouldn't you? Well, just to be on the safe side, Harvard's Graduate School of Arts and Sciences hands out a "bathroom etiquette guide" to all incoming students moving into university-owned housing, which is conveniently divided into what is considered "appropriate" and "inappropriate" behavior when you're using the toilets, showers and sinks. A sample is below. Prepare to be stunned.

President Obama announced that he will give a speech welcoming America's young students into the new school year. Conservatives, happy to fight about anything this man does, came out swinging against the President's "socialist" intentions. And they're winning!