Tucker Max repeatedly calls interviewer "sweetie." Is he 87 years old? Only possible explanation.

In Sweden—Sweden!—criminals pull off daring cash depot heists with the aid of helicopters. What are America's baddest gangsters up to? Donut shop scams and fake raffles. Are our criminals going soft, and dumb? Yes.

Mark Penn has not published a self-serving WSJ column since 9/16. We miss you, Mark!

Oh look, the black cartoonist Keith Knight dared to draw a black guy in a noose in this recent K Chronicles strip, and now "Students at a western Pennsylvanian school are outraged." Shut up, Slippery Rock University.

Remember how after Rupert Murdoch bought the Wall Street Journal, he decided the paper should be covering sports more? That was awesome. Today: Is cheerleading stupid, or what?

People have viewed more than 500,000 times Yazdani's 2007 daredevil stunt, in which he spray paints an LA freeway overpass from a narrow ledge. The viewers included sheriff's transit investigators, who nailed Yazdani for 32 felony vandalism counts out of hundreds in which they came to suspect him, according to the LA Times. He originally got off with time served, probation and graffiti removal duty, but he violated his probation this summer with more tagging, so now he's been sentenced to three years and eight months in prison, thanks to his YouTube-enabled criminal record.

Harvard Medical School tried to tell its own students they couldn't speak to the (scary) media without the school's official permission. Shut up, college—literally! Haha. No we did not go to Harvard, why? Luckily!

Cablevision, which foolishly bought Newsday for $650 million and promptly began running it into the ground (more so), is now setting money alight by rejecting newspaper ads from Cablevision competitor Verizon. Cablevision is unskilled at newspaper management. [NYT]

Months after Barack Obama's election, America is still as deeply embroiled in the Snuggie Wars as ever. As Snuggies and Slankets fend off guerilla attacks from Sealpelts and Lippi Selk bags, the Wearable Towel is making its dumb, ruthless move.

In an effort to promote different sorts of jokes about its uselessness, Radio Shack is rebranding as "The Shack." Don't tell that to the guy being paid to promote the new name.

Here's a gangster type throwing up the ol' "BBDO" sign, because the ad agency's recruiting for its Dusseldorf office! Ride or die—to Dusseldorf! This would work great in L.A., I bet. [Copyranter at AnimalNY]

Is there a way for the old "Teacher Arrested For Sleeping With Student" to combine with the old "Man Solicits Underage Sex on the Internet" to produce a new, stupider crime? On Long Island there is.

Monte Carlo was built as a haven for wealthy, cultured Europeans. But the Monte Carlo resort in Vegas must attract the dregs of illiterate American new money. It does so with ads phonetically spelling out what awaits them. Botch, Teat.

After more than a week of SWINE FLU PANIC, the very media outlets that help fuel the PANIC are starting to agree with our original assessment: this whole thing is kind of a farce.

Have you always wished you had an iPhone app that made it look like you were sniffing coke off your phone? Now you have one. Happy Friday, you broke bastard. [The iSnort]

World Water Week ad requires you to waste water to read it. Conceptual failure #2.

Good one: cutouts of "tree huggers," wrapped around actual trees, urging you to "VOTE EARTH" by switching off your lights for an hour. These cutouts are made of cardboard.

America faces many problems today, but none is as pressing as the epidemic of our children smokin' Smarties. Yes, the media are scaremongering. But are they scaremongering enough?

The New York Times has issued a formal set of standards for their in-house blogs, marking the first time blogs have ever had standards (No "snark"). The latest in a rich history of technomazing ideas!