dumb-things
"Fuck Her Right in the Pussy" Kid Gets Suspended, Becomes School Hero
Jay Hathaway · 08/29/14 09:12AMThe New York Times Reports: Hot Shirtless Dudes [SLIDESHOW]
Hamilton Nolan · 08/01/13 09:25AM1,139-Word Essay Composed about the Experience of Receiving a Lena Dunham Tweet
Hamilton Nolan · 02/25/13 10:55AMLutheran Pastor Apologizes for Sharing Stage With 'False Religions' After Newtown Massacre
Hamilton Nolan · 02/08/13 09:50AMAfter the massacre at Sandy Hook elementary school last year, even the most devout religious people had cause to momentarily question their faith. Why would a loving god allow something so awful to happen? So, afterwards, Newtown, Connecticut held an interfaith service at which many different religions were represented. Now, the Lutheran guy is apologizing for attending.
Caity Weaver · 11/06/12 05:54PM
Why the Hell Does a College Care Who Its Employees Sleep With?
Hamilton Nolan · 05/14/12 10:20AMShorter University is a little Baptist college in Georgia. Which is bad enough. But Shorter University is also a little Baptist college in Georgia run by hard-line Christian fundamentalists who are extremely concerned with the sex lives of all Shorter University employees, right down to the librarian.
Ayo Chet Haze Isn't Down With Weak Kids Who Kill Themselves
Hamilton Nolan · 05/09/12 10:49AMSo then, let's all, in unison, read this thing written on the Twitter yesterday (and then deleted) by Chet Haze, the best rapping son of an Academy Award winner Northwestern University has seen since Peter Fonda drunkenly performed "My Adidas" on the quad in 1986. This could be Chet Haze's most controversial piece of Twitter wisdom since "What's your sex playlist called? Mines called 'we fuckin' LOL I'm serious tho."
PR Dummies: Survey Says, 'Nobody Gives a Shit'
Hamilton Nolan · 04/13/12 11:57AMNewspaper Fires Reporter for Showing Mild Sense of Enthusiasm
Hamilton Nolan · 04/12/12 09:12AMKhristopher J. Brooks is a young reporter who was excited to be hired by the Delaware News-Journal last week. In a playful little gesture, he wrote up a fake "press release" on his own personal Tumblr announcing, "On Wednesday April 4, 2012, the News Journal Media Group acquired veteran education reporter Khristopher J. Brooks." He included some quotes about his career and background on the paper itself. For this, he was immediately fired, because NEWSPAPER WORK MUST NEVER BE FUN.
People Are Taking Out Student Loans to Pay for Kindergarten
Hamilton Nolan · 03/28/12 03:28PMThis qualifies as a bit of a vague, not totally well-established-in-a-statistical-way trend; but the fact that it exists at all for one single person in America is, I believe, newsworthy. Families are taking out tens of thousands of dollars worth of loans in order to pay for private kindergarten for their whelps. That is some fucked up shit.
Who Gives a Shit Whether It's Called the 'iPad 3' or the 'iPad HD?'
Hamilton Nolan · 03/06/12 10:53AM'Maternity Concierges' Are the Latest Ludicrous Luxury for Hollywood Cretins (Who Are Pregnant)
Hamilton Nolan · 03/02/12 12:30PMDogs Need to Shut Up About Cats
Hamilton Nolan · 01/30/12 01:23PMThere Is No Earthly Reason Journalists Should Not Wear Jeans
Hamilton Nolan · 01/13/12 02:40PMThe Year in Dumb, Convoluted, and Non-Terrifying Terror Plots
Hamilton Nolan · 01/10/12 02:00PMOnce again this week, the FBI has foiled an incredibly unconvincing terror plot replete with plans that fail to strike fear in the heart of any American. Sami Osmakac, a 25 year-old in Tampa, Florida, has been arrested for allegedly plotting to destroy bridges and bomb nightclubs in the name of Islam. Anyone who's been to Florida knows that destroying nightclubs in Tampa would be a great public service, to the United States of America.
Chelsea Clinton's Super Boring TV Debut
Hamilton Nolan · 12/13/11 11:20AMYeah, last night was the TV debut of Chelsea Clinton, NBC's newest """""journalist.""""" All you non-famous kids out there who saddled yourselves with a lifetime of debt in order to pay for journalism school, who are now either unemployed or underemployed or stuck at some boring dead end niche publication wondering how your journalism dream turned out so differently than you imagined: maybe Chelsea Clinton will put you in one of her charity news segments on teevee one day. That would be a dream come true for you.
Report: Girls Have Dumb Lockers
Hamilton Nolan · 10/10/11 10:20AMKids These Days Know Nothing About the Civil Rights Movement
Hamilton Nolan · 09/28/11 08:36AMHalf a century ago, heroes like Martin Luther X and Rose Park risked their lives by marching on top of lunch counters so that kids of all races would one day have the right to catch a few "Z's" in class while the teacher showed a filmstrip of the "I Have a Dream" speech. And how do kids these days repay those civil rights heroes? By not knowing a damn thing about them.