It was clear many years ago that drugs have won the drug war. But what about the anti-drug commercials, those great cultural icons of our youth? Turns out that the smart money just gave up on that shit.

After it was announced last week that Zohydro—the painkiller ten times stronger than Vicodin—would become available in California markets this month, the makers of OxyContin have planned to submit their "abuse-resistant" painkiller to the FDA for approval.

Last week, a North Carolina drug company told the parents of a dying seven-year-old that they couldn't sell him a potentially life-saving treatment because doing so would slow their efforts to get the drug to market.

A new opiate called Zohydro, developed by Zogenix and approved by the FDA, will enter California markets this month, despite the protests of a number of doctors and experts. Zohydro is ten times more potent than Vicodin.

Mitchell Wright, a nine-year veteran of the Seattle police force who spent three of those working with the DEA, had big dreams. He wasn't satisfied with taking drugs off the streets — in fact, it was the opposite. He was going to become a drug kingpin, and strippers were going to help him.

This week in Florida Walmart: one in Tampa sold a steak tainted with LSD to a family four, all of whom ended up in the hospital after becoming ill and suffering hallucinations, according to the Tampa Police Dept.

In a recent government study, it was found that most people who abuse prescription painkillers don't actually purchase them through drug dealers—instead, they get them for free from friends and family.

After Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán, major drug lord of the Sinaloa cartel, was apprehended yesterday in Mazatlán, details of his property and possessions are slowly being revealed as Mexican authorities begin investigations. With 43 vehicles, 16 houses, and 4 ranches, El Chapo did more than just live large.

Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán Loera, the kingpin of the Sinaloa drug cartel in Mexico, was captured by a Mexican-led operation today, ending a 13-year chase for the notorious drug boss.

Richard Cohen is a doddering old man who sits in the Washington Post newsroom atop an overturned paint can, shouting about how the women and the blacks have gotten out of hand. Not to mention that young fella, the Justin, the Bieber. Listen here, son.

Maine's Governor Paul R. LePage delivered a State of the State address last night mostly to rail on welfare, but also to address a major problem in Vacationland: the fact that nearly 1,000 babies (about seven percent of all children born in 2013) were born with drugs in their systems last year.

A member of a Jewish drug crew that refused to sling dope on the Sabbath was sentenced to five years in prison on Tuesday.

The latest poll numbers, from NBC and the Wall Street Journal, are in: 55% of Americans say "they favor allowing regulated businesses to sell marijuana." What's the holdup?

Now parents haveone more (probably fake) young-people trend to worry about: kids these days areapparently crushing up Smarties and snorting them. Surprisingly, there is nohigh from crushing up colored sugar and sticking it up your nose, but thathasn’t stopped middle schoolers across the country from doing it. Allegedly.

Sources close to Justin Bieber are insisting that he doesn't do cocaine and never has "in his life," but tell TMZ the 19-year-old pop star is still hooked on a drug of an entirely different nature: Life. No, kidding: He's apparently addicted to sizzurp.

Colorado's legal marijuana sales surpassed $5 million this week, and most of that figure is almost certainly stacked in cash around Denver, because America's banks aren't accepting any of that dirty drug money.

The primary benefits of legalizing weed are the end of the horribly racist and unjustifiable imprisonment of thousands of nonviolent Americans, and awkward columns from old white columnists. A good secondary benefit, though: it costs the police money.

"Still, there's a general sense that the drugs of choice for writers now are more often little blue pills than big brown bottles," writes Adam Gopnik, adding "(You can take the pill, and then send the kids to school.)" So those little blue pills would be, uh... Viagra? Valium? Please don't let it be Viagra.

George Cushingberry Jr. is probably flying high today, and not just because of the Bubba Kush he brought home from the strip club. The recently elected Detroit City Council president pro tem got off with just a ticket after taking the cops for a ride with pot and open liquor in his car.

Last month, a 19-year-old college student reportedly stabbed his mother before slicing off his own penis while high on a synthetic drug called mephedrone, better known to the kids as "Meow Meow." Police found the teenager with his penis, or what was left of it, dangling out a window, spraying blood everywhere.