Good news: Uncle Sam's terrorist-watchin' lawmen would like a database that shows the whereabouts of every car with a license plate that's recently been scanned by a government tag reader. Does that freak you out? Here's better news: They want a private contractor to run it.
How dangerously would you drive your car, just to get a baby to make this face? How many laws would you break?
According to a new report released Thursday, The Traffic Injury Research Foundation (TIRF) reports that female DUI arrests have risen 28.8% between 1998 and 2007. In 2011, FBI statistics show that nearly 25% of drunk drivers arrested in the United States were women, whereas in 1980 that number was just 9.8%.
You'd think that if you worked more than 80 hours a week and somebody came to you and said, "Hey buddy, I only want you to work 70 hours a week now," you'd be happy as a clam. Unless you were a long-haul trucker. Never satisfied, these guys.
In a shocking twist where rules apply, the Los Angeles Times reports that charismatic hero Chris Brown has been charged with a hit-and-run and driving without a license following an investigation of a fender-bender last month. Both crimes are misdemeanors punishable by a maximum six-month jail sentence.
Europe, an expensive overseas cooking school populated by pussies, is still busy finding ever more outrageous ways to offend American sensibilities. First, it was the whole WWII thing, which we had to go straighten out ourselves. Then there was Monty Python. (Was he making fun of us? I think he was making fun of us.) And now, these Eurotrash types are too good to buy cars, all of a sudden.
Teenage boys have long been stigmatized as riskier drivers than teenage girls. Twenty years ago, they paid double the insurance premium of their female counterparts. Now the danger (and insurance premium) gap is closing, as young divas emerge from their shells like beautiful Botticellian Venuses, texting and sexting and working that radio while driving like the boys used to do. The result: today young men's insurance premiums are only about 25 percent more than young women's. (Women also make 77 cents to men's dollar.)
Yeah, yeah, who wants to buckle up in a cab? Most of us are content to slide around in the back and hope for the best. But you may want to reexamine that policy: the NY Daily News offers the story of Jane Lee, a woman who had to get 50 stitches after her face smashed into the cab partition during an accident.
Good news! Drunk driving is down 30% over the last five years. Bad news! It's probably because we're all too broke to leave the house. Instead of wasting precious fuel to drive to bars and pay $4 for Bud Light, we're staying home with the lights off, drinking homemade prune wine, and sniffing kerosene. Apparently the way you'll know the economy is moving again is when you get T-Boned by a black-out drunk in a '70s Pontiac.
There are so many reasons to have kids! One of the not-great reasons is the best is probably "so you have someone to drive when you're wasted." Like Billy Joe Madden, who slept off a bender while his 8-year-old son drove his truck. On a highway. From Mississippi to Dallas.
This morning, down in the desert deeps of El Paso, a 5-year-old child was found, at 1 am, behind the wheel of his mother's minivan after driving it into a pole. The boy tried to flee the scene but was caught. His intended destination? Candy.
Football brain! Marijuana narcs! Mosquito booze! Grandparents driving! Children sleeping! Teens drinking! Pediatricians lecturing! Big forks! And killer homemade drinks that kill! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—no-nonsensically!
Horrible news for all of you criminals who already have Two Strikes and would really, really prefer not to get a third: the Supreme Court ruled yesterday that fleeing the police in a car is, by definition, a "violent felony."
