What’s the best venue for your self-righteous, nativist ravings? If you answered “my 6-year-old’s school concert, of course,” then congratulations, fuckwit, everyone hates you.

Last night's Hills quadrille was all about cross-pollination. Lauren "LC" Conrad and Stephanie Pratt continued to circle each other, tipping their hats, and going to birthday parties. Well, it was Lauren's birthday party specifically, and she, in resplendent pointy party hat, kindly invited Stephanie and her friend Roxy (throw up all over the place what a dumb name). At the party, Lauren was drunk in the way that my sister gets, all kindness and big declarations. "Seriously, you're a good person," she slurred to Stephanie. Aww. Meanwhile, old Fauna and Merriweather, Audrina and Lo, looked on skeptically. It's always amusing to watch the supporting players on this show start to get cagey about their possible airtime (though, maybe Lo's never really cared all that much). Remember the poor, desperate attempts of Jen Bunny to stay on the show? This series' depiction of daily anxieties and injustices continues.