doom

Doom Draws Nearer

Hamilton Nolan · 08/26/14 02:17PM

A new day has dawned, and with it, a new draft of a new United Nations report on climate change has leaked unto the world. Like the turning pages of a calendar as one draws closer to death, the report brings tidings that grow worse, and worse, and worse.

Today in "New and Awful Things About Being Poor"

Hamilton Nolan · 08/05/14 09:23AM

In addition to all of the fun "food stamps" and free nights in jail, here is another thing to look forward to as a reward for being poor: having your limbs amputated.

There Are Terrifying, Fish-Eating Spiders Everywhere

Aleksander Chan · 06/18/14 09:42PM

According to a new study published today in the scientific journal PLOS ONE, fish-eating spiders "lurk near rivers, ponds, and swamps on every continent except Antarctica." The countdown for spiders to eventually eat us has begun.

Crumbling Cliff to Send Giant Lake House to Watery Grave

Aleksander Chan · 06/11/14 05:42PM

A 7,000-square-foot house overlooking Texas' Lake Whitney had to be abandoned by its owners after its foundation began to crumble off, taking a chunk of the house with it as it fell 75 feet and into the water. The couple that owns the house was forced to move out two weeks ago, after it had been condemned.

Hamilton Nolan · 05/29/14 12:34PM

"Liberia is doomed" due to poor economic policy, said Liberia's finance minister this week. Uh... thanks for your service, but we've decided to go in a different direction with the "Finance Minister" position.

Killer Asteroid Coming Relatively Soon

Hamilton Nolan · 04/23/14 09:14AM

It is not a question of if a killer asteroid will strike our planet, devastating at the very least a city, and at most the entire race. It is just a question of how soon. The current consensus: it won't be too long now.

Las Vegas' Future Is Dry and Fucked

Hamilton Nolan · 04/21/14 11:36AM

Once upon a time, a lot of gangsters got together and built some casinos in the middle of a desert. For inexplicable reasons, these casinos were allowed to flourish into a major metropolitan area: Las Vegas. Now, that city is staring down a dry, waterless future.

Natural Gas For Cars Does Not Help the Environment

Hamilton Nolan · 02/14/14 10:31AM

You care about the environment, eh? You want to stop global warming? You support switching cars and trucks and buses to "clean burning natural gas?" Wrong! Our best-laid plans only hasten our demise.