On CBS’ “Face the Nation” Sunday, extremely optimistic Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders criticized Donald Trump for corrupting voters’ fears and anxieties into xenophobic and racial hatred. Sanders also said that he can win some of those people over.

Shapeless. Halfhearted. Diffident. Slipping. Unconvincing in the harsh light of the national stage. Observers may say these things about Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign. But no one can say these things about Marco Rubio’s hair.

Donald Trump, a man whose ire for the media has been matched only by his ire for minorities, extended a warm and loving olive branch to journalists this week: the promise that he will not, in fact, have them slaughtered.

The only person who’s been able to humanize Megyn Kelly, a woman who once got into an argument on Fox News about whether Santa Claus is white, is Donald Trump, who dislikes her because she is a woman. The two will spar for our entertainment one more time during the January 28th GOP debate.

In one of his rare, lengthy news conferences, on Thursday, Vladimir Putin called Donald Trump “brilliant” and “talented without doubt.” Trump, who always accepts compliments gracefully, welcomed the Russian’s plaudits and defended his new best friend from criticism.

During the third Democratic presidential debate, on Saturday, Hillary Clinton claimed that Donald Trump “is becoming ISIS’s best recruiter. They are going to people, showing videos of Donald Trump insulting Islam and Muslims in order to recruit more radical jihadists.” This is not exactly true.

If you had to guess how many testicles Adolf Hitler had, how many testicles would you guess? Would you guess two testicles? Perhaps more? If so, you’d be wrong. Because according to a recently discovered doctor’s note, Adolf Hitler had a total testicle count of one. One testicle.

Jeb! Bush, lover of all things tech and all things cool, really does not love jerks. In fact, he hates them so much that, as of this writing, he has officially begun the War on Jerks™.

Donald Trump’s most important purely political skill (that is, one not directly related to his abilities as an entertainer and performer) is his ability to intuit what the great angry mass of movement conservatives wish their gutless leaders would say, and then say it. Other Republicans dogwhistle. Trump dispenses with coded language and simply says: We should deport all the illegals. We should ban all Muslim immigration. And now, on Vladimir Putin: “He’s running his country and at least he’s a leader, unlike what we have in this country.”

In a news conference yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin called Donald Trump “a bright and talented person” and “the absolute leader of the presidential race.” Trump loved this, obviously. Today on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, he declared, “When people call you brilliant it’s always good. Especially when the person heads up Russia.” Trump then proceeded to ham-handedly defend his new buddy Putin against accusations that he kills journalists.

Quick question. Which is worse for “democracy” and “discourse”: A prominent public figure, with a large following composed mainly of increasingly enraged (and generally well-armed) members of America’s dominant but shrinking ethnic majority, spending months issuing vocal and repeated calls for the elimination of certain religious and ethnic outgroups from the body politic; or the act of “unfriending” people with annoying or offensive beliefs on a social networking platform? The answer—or, at least, one Washington Post writer’s answer—may surprise you.

Donald Trump uses the internet a lot, sure. But based on his answer from last night’s debate on how he would “shut down” parts of the internet to combat ISIS, he doesn’t actually know what the internet “is” or “anything about how it works.”

Tonight at a Donald Trump rally in Las Vegas, another black person was shoved around while protesting the American hate leader—and this time, a rally attendee called for the black person to be immolated.

Donald Trump, a man whose garbage output is matched only by his diet of garbage, just released a doctor’s note saying what fine shape he’s in, using the sort of language usually associated with a racehorse or fighting dog.

When you’re inundated with the ravings of an orange lunatic who is also a popular candidate to become the leader of your country, it almost seems like anything would be better than him.

Apparently, all it takes for Donald Trump to perform poorly in polls is the mere suggestion that an entire religion should be banned from the country he hopes to run.

If listening to the current Republican presidential frontrunners speak is scaring you to death, here is something to make you feel better: there is now a semi-plausible scenario in which the entire party hilariously self-destructs.

Americans are more afraid of terrorism than at any other time since 9/11’s immediate aftermath, according to a new poll. Meanwhile, Democrats find themselves in the uncomfortable position of having to take seriously the man who declared tonight anyone who found guilty of killing a cop should be executed.

The last time we saw Les Moonves, an actual good reason to hate and distrust the media, he was declining to tip a valet because he only had hundreds. And it looks like he’s still a bastard, championing Donald Trump’s prez run because of all the ad dollars it’ll generate.