You know what would be a good way to stop domestic violence? Set up a free website called "Hit The Bitch" where you can use your computer's mouse to simulate beating that mouthy bitch till you're "100% Gangsta." But then!

Burly NY1 desk-sitter Dominic Carter, host of Inside City Hall, has problems. Legal problems. Marriage problems. Job problems. Media problems. Name-dropping problems. Political problems. Quite a few problems. We'll itemize.

Oh, good! Tila Tequila took our advice. After using her virtual power to slam Shawne Merriman, whom she accused of choking her, Tequila's abandoning one of her many internet platforms and letting a professional do the dirty, image-saving work.

Tila Tequila has mastered technological self-promotion. It helped her infect popular culture. Now, in the wake of her domestic violence drama with football player Shawn Merriman, she's back in the saddle to defend her name. But she really shouldn't.

That's choked, not choked on, which is what many a sports and pop culture fan are doing sometime during or after reading about this one. Tabloid Media, we present your new Domestic Abuse News Cycle: Tila Tequila and Shawne Merriman.

Chris Brown has reached a plea deal with prosecutors for beating up Rihanna. It's not what you would call a stiff sentence, considering:

• It looks like it's over for Paris Hilton and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. Please excuse us while we go get a big box of tissues; we really weren't mentally prepared for news this upsetting this morning. [People, Sun]
• A couple of weeks ago, it was Gwynnie Paltrow who was getting blamed for setting A-Rod up with Kate Hudson. Now real estate "superagent" Adam Modlin is taking credit for brokering the transaction. Go figure. [NYDN]
• Maybe Kanye West and Amber Rose didn't break up, after all. Or maybe they did break up, but they're spending a lot of time together anyway? It's a mystery, really. [P6]
• Coco Rocha is not going to be an intern at Vogue this summer. She's just spending a lot of time there so she can "learn more about the business." [WWD]

Kelly Bensimon won't have to serve any time for punching her former boyfriend in the face back in March. This morning she accepted a deal that will put the charges to bed (and allow her to eventually purge her record), provided she complete two days of community service and stay out of trouble. The plea puts the humiliating episode behind her, although a little bit more humilation ended up following her out of the courtroom: As reporters and photographers followed her down Centre Street, one "puzzled passerby" was overheard on her cell phone telling a friend that she'd spotted Countess LuAnn de Lesseps. Poor thing. Nevertheless, Kelly seems to be pleased with the outcome. She says "justice was served," and the ordeal even appears to have provided her with a new cause to focus her attention on:

You know, people expend a great deal of ink and resources on trying to determine what's going on in the private lives of celebrities, but ultimately, we can't ever really know what it's like inside someone else's relationship.