What do you do to something you love? Give it hot dogs and beer, right? Wrong, guys, if that something is a dolphin.

Newser picked up on a story Thursday from a suburb just outside of New Orleans, where a young bottlenose dolphin displaced by Hurricane Katrina has turned a local canal into his personal bachelor pad.

Before buying that special dolphin in your life an Orbital CD this holiday season, note this: some animal rights activists say loud boom-boom music can stress out dolphins so much that they will drop dead. At a Swiss amusement park, for example, two dolphins recently died after a techno party took place just yards away from their dolphinarium.

On the eve of Florida's bestiality ban, let's catch up with zoophilic memoirist Malcolm Brenner, whose book Wet Goddess describes a nine-month sexual relationship with a theme park dolphin in Sarasota. After two weeks living in the eye of a bestiality news storm, Brenner lost his job as a photographer and endured harassment. But he's also had sucess: Orders for his book are pouring in faster than he can fill them. He is in touch with an editor at a "large New York publishing house," and has told his story to audiences as far away as India.

Bestiality advocate Malcolm Brenner—author of famed dolphin sex memoir Wet Goddess—is back in the spotlight!

Frozen feathers! Getting shorter! Asteroid redemption! NASA engineers! Weight brain! Giant telescopes! Desperate dolphins! Indian frogs! And hypothetical questions with real world consequences! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—like ka-blow!

A group of scientists from several institutions are collaborating to "co-create" a language with dolphins that humans can interpret with the help of an underwater "translation" machine.

In not-very-shocking news from the Gulf of Mexico, scientists have said that six dolphins that washed up on the shore there had oil on them, and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration officials have traced the oil directly to last year's BP spill. Previously, experts said that "unusual mortality events" were responsible for the deaths of over 400 baby dolphins in the Gulf. Well, we have a culprit for at least a few of them now.

During a punt return yesterday, Jets conditioning coach Sal Alosi tripped Dolphins Cornerback Nolan Carroll as he was running along the sideline. Carroll walked off the field but returned in the fourth quarter. Alosi apologized later at the press conference.

Don't they say dolphins are supposed to be really smart or something? This video features a collision of epic dolphin proportions. This is what the bottlenose dolphin gets for being such a show-off. A majestic fall from grace.

What is going on with Fidel Castro? The former Cuban President has been rather... candid, lately, admitting gay persecution was his fault and condemning anti-Semitism. Most recently? He told a reporter that the Cuban model of economics "doesn't even work."

Over in Ireland, a dog and a dolphin play together as if they were siblings. Why? As it turns out, the dolphin is grieving because its mate passed away and became friends with the dog because it was lonely. Aww!

[Biologists rescued this baby pink dolphin—one of many trapped by low water levels thanks to a drought—from the Pailas river in Santa Cruz, Bolivia. Pic via AP.]

A trained dolphin attempted either an escape or suicide at Okinawa's Churaumi Aquarium: The rogue creature catapulted himself over the edge of the tank and flopped onto the sidewalk before a crowd of screaming onlookers.

The filmmakers behind Oscar-winning documentary The Cove stopped by Oprah today to discuss dolphin advocacy. Forced to trespass around the Japanese cove where the dolphin slaughter took place, the crew tells how they captured the horrifying footage shown here.

Newton Creek is a polluted river that divides Brooklyn and Queens. Today there was a freaking dolphin in there! Whaaaaaa!? Get out of there, dolphin! Don't you know how gross that water is? Jeeze. Smartest marine mammal my ass. [Gothamist]

This dolphin video has something for everybody. Nature lovers will enjoy this because it shows dolphins engaging in rather sophisticated behavior - making bubble rings and swimming through them.

And for those with the sense of humor of an 8-year-old, it has a lot of people repeating the word "blowhole."

While Jennifer was sitting on Dave's couch last night, she treated us to a story about training with dolphins for an upcoming gig on Fantasy Island. What she thought was pee, turned out to be dirty dolphin sauce.

Let's face it, Dolphins are generally known for being adorable and doing flips. Sure, they receive the occasional props for communicating with sonar and their advanced shark fighting abilities, but are they ever recognized for their ingenious hunting techniques?

Remember Apple's classic '1984' ad campaign? Funny how they ended up employing Big Brother's turn-and-burn on the truth, the difference being: George Orwell labeled it "doublespeak," and Apple passes it off as advertising.