Pug, we've been over this: yes, you're slightly more aerodynamic when you crouch like that, and yes, that weird thing you're doing with your tongue does sound a lot like an idling V-twin engine, and no, I don't understand the pink rag on your head, but I'll admit that it's cute as hell. Still, none of that makes you a motorcycle. You're a dog, damnit. A dog.

A Delta Airlines passenger says he was sitting in his seat, waiting to take off from LAX last week when an airline employee told him his six-year-old rescue dog had disappeared.

What does this fuzzy little stumblebum—apparently named Munchkin—want? I don't know, but she's coming right over, fast.

A few Last Week Tonights (Last Weeks Tonight?) ago, John Oliver got around the Supreme Court's ban on cameras by casting dogs as the justices and releasing the footage for anyone to use. And someone did use it, but not to recap a SCOTUS argument.

An Alabama husky-pit bull by the name of Bo broke the cardinal man-dog omerta this week when he turned state's evidence on his meth dealing owner.

The owner of a 12-year-old pug named Chloe says she dropped her dog off at the vet Monday for a follow-up appointment about a scratched cornea. A few hours later, she got a call letting her know Chloe was recovering nicely from having her left eye removed.

We've long relied on our canine friends to provide boozy sustenance in our times of greatest need, ever since 16th-century St. Bernards revived snowbound Alpine travelers with mini-kegs of brandy. Actually, that's almost entirely made up. But hey, this dog can fetch beer from the fridge on command!

TV coverage of the Supreme Court is hampered by the longstanding ban on cameras inside the highest court in the land. News shows have been forced to make do with sometimes-shoddy artists' renderings of the Justices, and John Oliver's sick of it. So here's his alternative proposal: Let's just use this footage of dogs in robes instead.

Bodhi, a Shiba Inu you might have seen dressed in J. Crew gingham on a photo you scrolled past and smiled at on Tumblr, is another dog forced to live his life as a meme. He enjoys only the meager restitution of being a dog and his owners? They make about $15,000 a month off him, Fast Company writes in a new profile, which is about $15,000 more than you make from just having a dog.

Fort Greene is one of the loveliest, and most expensive, neighborhoods in Brooklyn. It's the neighborhood that inspired Spike Lee's anti-gentrification rant earlier this year. Wealthy Fort Greene dog owners will not put up with homeless people, in the park.

You might not have realized, but you probably know Bailey, the five-year-old golden retriever that has captured the heart of millions of dad's Microsoft Outlook desktop apps. She is the star of the ever-popular "I have no idea what I'm doing" image macro meme. A new cache of fresh macros have hit the web, the Daily Dot reports, and it's high time we reassess the situation clearly at hand here: this poor dog has been enslaved to forever toil as an internet meme. We all need to be part of the solution. Free "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing" Dog.

An easy way to be a better person:

A man in California was arrested on stalking and animal cruelty charges after allegedly killing his ex-girlfriend's Pomeranian and feeding him to her.

Zeus, a great dane and World's Tallest Dog, died last week of old age, his family confirmed to the Kalamazoo Gazette. "We'll really miss him," Kevin Doorlag said.

Some dogs walk on two legs because they're little weirdos who hate getting a haircut, but some do it out of necessity.

In February, a veterinarian in Portland performed surgery on a three-year-old, 140-pound Great Dane to remove a mysterious blockage from its stomach. It didn't take long for the doctor to determine the source of the obstruction: 43 and a half undigested socks lodged in the dog's belly.

An abandoned dog that narrowly escaped being euthanized years ago was an active participant in rescue efforts in Hiroshima, after recent landslides killed more than 50 residents and left many missing.

"It's almost the weekend," you're probably thinking to yourself. You're so excited. But not as excited as this fucking bubble-loving pitbull.

Just a cool Korean Chihuahua winking at you while it gets a relaxing head massage. This chill-ass dog is a near-perfect metaphor for the Friday before a long weekend.

Jiff the Pomeranian, an alive teddy bear that technically counts as a dog, has set two new landspeed records for running on two legs, according to Guinness World Records. Who's a good boy? Jiff is, Guinness judges confirmed.