Archaeologists in Sweden have discovered a stone age antler carving in an "erected-penis-like-shape." Is it an "ancient dildo"? Maybe! It could also be a tool for "chipping flakes of flint." But, come on, that's not as fun. [Live Science]

A group of British archeologists has discovered a neolithic henge at the site of the famous Stonehenge monument. What, you mean you don't know what a "henge" is?

Paleontologists have discovered evidence of human habitation in Britain dating back almost a million years—possibly the "oldest uncontested site of human occupation of Europe." How did they figure this all out? Thanks to hyena poop, naturally.

American painter Edward Hopper told people that the diner in his iconic painting "Nighthawks" was "suggested by a restaurant on Greenwich Avenue where two streets meet." But which two streets? And which restaurant?

Scientists have analyzed the DNA of geriatric New Englanders and believe they have discovered the genetic markers that predict extreme longevity. And because you are morbidly curious, you will soon be able to test yourself for those markers!

Bee populations in the U.S. declined almost 30 per cent last year. Why? Some researchers think it's because cell phone radiation disturbs their navigational abilities (Update: Not everyone agrees!). Bee holocaust: There's an app for that.

Why does the male Mexican molly fish have an 'extravagant moustache-like structure' on its top lip? German and American scientists may have discovered the answer: Because female fish dig it. For oral sex.

A neurosurgeon and a medical illustrator think they've found a hidden drawing of the human brain, located inside the neck of God in one panel on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Hold on. What?

Scientists have formed a "metamaterial"—made of components smaller than certain wavelengths of light—so black it reflects almost no light. How much more black could this be? The answer is none. None more black. [New Scientist]

Mikey, a closeted 17-year-old Minnesota hockey player, was the author of a popular blog about being gay in the sports world. He was an inspiration to many. Sadly, he's now been outed as a 40-year-old. The blog's been shut down.

Astronomers have found a kind of supernova that barfs calcium as it dies, and think such supernovae could be behind the abundance of calcium in our universe. No word on if they're better than Tums, or what. [LAT]

Scientists working on sequencing the Neanderthal genome have discovered that 1 to 4 percent of most people's DNA is inherited from Neanderthals, proving that even back then most people were sluts who would really just sleep with whoever. [CSM]

A group of scientists were able to strip electrons from atoms, encouraging "the formation of hydroxyl radicals." In layman's terms, they created clouds with a laser beam. In X-Men terms, they combined Storm with Cyclops. [New Scientist; Getty]

A group of evangelicals found some 4,800-year-old wood on top of Mount Ararat. They are "99.9 pecent" sure that it's Noah's ark. This is totally real, which is why it's on the front page of Fox News' "SciTech" section.

This giant speckled beady-eyed six-foot reptile from the Philippines has been declared a new species. It "feasts on fruits and snails rather than carcasses." Sure, sure. You can pat it. [AP]

Sexy scientists say that they have, for real, no playing, discovered a drug that boosts female sexual desire. Everything is better now! But who's that trying throw salt in your female sex drug game? Haterz!

Most exciting news yet, this weekend: a new dinosaur, discovered! It's called a Nothronychus graffami, and it was "13 feet tall and had nine-inch-long hand claws" that it would probably use to extract your face if it weren't extinct. [MSNBC]

Flight 447's black boxes were located; mini-submarines are trying to recover them.

In 1950 Life photographer Ed Clark received a call from an executive at 20th Century Fox lauding a "hot tomato" the studio had signed. She was an unknown named Marilyn Monroe. Clark photographed her later that year in Los Angeles' Griffith Park. Never-used negatives from the shoot were recently discovered.

So, have you been keeping up with these two laid-off 20-something investment bankers who are now giving you their unfiltered perspective online at Bankergonebroke.com? With their newfound free time, they turn up hidden gems about life in the gritty city: "Trader Joe’s at 14th St and 3rd Ave is an oasis in the desert of the Manhattan eating scene," they discover. "At TJ’s, you can find natural organic snacks along with delicious easy to prepare frozen meals. Surprisingly, these meals are also relatively healthy and best of all, cheap." Just goes to show that the best and the brightest can thrive in any environment.