The Trekkie unthinkable has come to pass: William Shatner—the die from which all subsequent Kirk-alikes were cast, the man who gave scores of marginally talented impressionists a bottomless! Source! Of! Material!—has not been asked to join the voyages of the next big-screen Enterprise outing. (Helmed, of course, by noted Lost architect and Cruise-wrangler, JJ Abrams.) He doesn't seem to be taking the news too well:

We're reluctant to even share with you this sad clip from The Two Coreys, A&E's attempt at catching up with conjoined Tiger Beat fantasy-duo Haim and Feldman since their spectacular career flameouts of the late 80s. In it, Feldman is forced to deliver the difficult news that the sequel to the movie that originally introduced the lifelong friends—The Lost Boys 2: Return to Lost Boys Island: An Interactive Sing n' Say DVD Adventure—has been rushed into production. But while Corey F. has been approached by producers for a cameo, Corey H. had not—a fact that hits the beret-sporting former teen idol hard, as he comes to realize that his limited acting gifts will never again be required (outside of highly canned reality shows that rely on the enduring entertainment value of observing wash-ups in their native habitat).

The weekend of reckoning has finally arrived for Evan Almighty, aka The Most Expensive Comedy Story Ever Told, an occasion marked by dozens of nervous Universal executives kneeling before makeshift shrines and praying that their religious marketing partners are going to deliver the arkloads of Christians they promised. And while the reviews have not been kind, they have most certainly been creative, taking full advantage of the movie's biblical themes in trumpeting, amidst Almighty's zoological bounty, the arrival of the summer's biggest turkey. A smattering of memorable headlines:

After weathering a flatly written exchange in which Aniston's lesbian character tells Cox, "This is no way to live! You don't deserve to be alone," (oh, the bitter irony), then some innuendo about past dalliances between the characters (four implied times!), and one brushed off ass-grab (easy there, lesbian tiger), we finally get the kiss: A closed mouth cutaway unlikely to moisten the panties of even the show's most incontinent viewers. Have a look, trying not to sigh too loudly over this squandered opportunity to exploit ten seasons' worth of crackling, Sapphic sexual tension.

We are sad and sorry to report that the photoshoot for Jane's Guide to Boobs has, as of now, been canceled " due the inadvertent release of the list of participants," even though, as WWD reported this morning, only 4 of the amateur titmodels dropped out when the list went public. Does this mean that there will be no boob guide? We would be sadder still if this was so; we often find ourselves in dire need of boob guidance. And, well, $50.