Join us in our weekly celebration of the greatest forces for good our world has ever known, this week's sponsors. If we were all half as committed to making our planet a better place as they are, all suffering would immediately cease and an era of universal love and peace would quickly follow. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and save the Earth, see this page.
· X-Men fans, take heart: Tsotsi's Gavin Hood, not X-Men 3: The Last Gasp of a Once Vital Franchise's Brett Ratner, has signed on to direct Wolverine. [Variety]
· It's official: NBC's Ben Silverman is the new Norman Lear. In producing two of the Emmy nominees for best comedy (The Office and Ugly Betty), Silverman has equalled a feat last acheived by his idol, who in 1973 earned sitcom nods for All in the Family and Maude. [THR]
· In other Emmy oddities, Fox's instantaneously premiered/canceled Drive makes history as the first-ever Primetime Emmy broadband nominee for a three-minute clip that streamed on Fox.com. [Variety]
· Upon learning of her Emmy nomination for her work on Brothers & Sisters, Sally Field was overwhelmed by a Meg-Ryan-in- When-Harry-Met-Sally-quality orgasm, a spasm of ecstasy so paralyzing she was unable to do her usual, "You like me, you really really like me!" schtick. [THR, THR]
· When John Travolta in drag and fake gay-married firefighters clash at the box office, no comedy fans will escape unscathed. [Variety]
From the moment Universal released the trailer for I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry—an edgier Adam Sandler vehicle in which he plays a fireman who comes to realize that his sexual and emotional needs can only be fully satisfied by the bear community—we were confident that the studio had not just a commercial and critical hit on their hands, but a watershed contribution to the Queer cinema canon. Shockingly, the nation's critics have completely missed the movie's point. What follows is a selection of headlines from today's reviews for this deeply misunderstood film, proving, at the very least, that not all of the marriage puns were used up trashing License to Wed:
· Adam Sandler Tops Himself with Chuck & Larry, Alas [palmbeachpost.com]
· 'Chuck and Larry' gay, not funny [StarTribune.com]
· 'Chuck & Larry' will lead you straight to exit [ABQTrib.com]
Since we at Defamer realize that the only thing worse than the crippling shame of being spotted with a book in Los Angeles is being seen with a children's book in our fine, reading-averse city—even if that book will one day become a mega-grossing motion picture—we're happy to pass along a link to this gallery of alternate covers for the new Harry Potter tome that might lessen the humiliation of being caught in the act of catching up with the goings-on at Hogwarts. While the featured Fuck Wars is a good choice, we also recommend Memoirs of a Shark Fucker, whose title just might confuse the gangs of cultural enforcers who roam L.A. looking to geld anyone flouting their disobedience of local anti-literacy codes long enough for you to beat a hasty escape.
Having dispatched nearly all of the greedy blood relations looking to get their filthy little hands on the staggering fortune he's accumulated over centuries of hard work, immortal Viacom pharaoh Sumner Redstone may now find himself locked in battle with his most formidable foe to date. Failing to show adequate appreciation for the precious gift of life he bestowed upon her decades ago, daughter Shari Redstone is reportedly resisting her father's efforts to oust her from the corporate empire she hoped to one day inherit. The LAT reports on the rumored Viacom succession fight:
While the world will soon be treated to Lindsay Lohan's sure-to-be acclaimed performance as a murdered stripper (remember, it's important that all evidence of acting talent be amplified so that her personal problems feel tinged with the tragedy of a squandered gift), we may never get to see the Oscar-caliber work she surely would've turned in as a con-lady who slaughters the homeless to collect on their insurance policies. According to today's Page Six, Poor Things, the project that believed in Lohan's ability so strongly that it was willing to alter its production schedule to accommodate her Promises hiatus, has been shut down, with at least one crew member blaming the star's post-rehab trip to Vegas for the crushing of their cinematic dreams:
When last we encountered erstwhile action star Vin Diesel, whose most memorable on-screen clashes of the past two years have been with scene-stealing ducks, poop-laden diapers, and unconvincing hairpieces, it was following the deflating announcement that Diesel was scaling back his vision for an eleventy billion dollar epic based on the military exploits of Carthiginian strongman Hannibal to fit the constraints of BET's animation production budget. Since then, the still-promising project had completely fallen off our radar—that is, until today, when we received a press release touting an upcoming ComicCon panel on the network's burgeoning cartoon lineup, which will include a discussion of:
...im knowklegaBLE ABOUT WHo my enemies are in th e media and they are few,. but ionce youve had as iusaid last blog a fantastical dfownfall when you get back up you have so nmuch to teach others that you didnt in your delusional failsafe bubble and although flying coach is not an option for me - just cos i have learne3dc that cheap is something i can do ins ome places and cant do in others in these few short weeks-=... [MySpace]
Fresh off her triumphant turn as I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry's featured fake-gay-home-wrecking plot device, bodaciously tata'd ingenue Jessica Biel is busily plotting her next career moves. Like fellow B-list fantasy object Jessica Alba, Biel is concerned her looks might be preventing her from winning the kinds of Serious Parts she feels she's ready to tackle. Talking to MTV News, she says she's ready to subject herself to the rigors of the prosthetic uglification process:
· Ryan Adams at the Wilshire Theater; Har Mar Superstar at the Viper Room; the Shout Out Louds at the El Rey.
· Would you like a reminder that the smog-tainted air we breathe is slowly choking us to death, but prefer this information related to you in a fun, artsy way? Check out the Greenhouse exhibit at LAXART.
· Super-groupie (uber-groupie? groupie ne plus ultra?) Pamela Des Barres signs her latest backstage-related tome, Let's Spend the Night Together, at Book Soup.
From the Well, Damn, We Certainly Didn't See This One Coming file, the LAT is reporting that Judd Apatow Comedy Conglomerate senior associate Seth Rogen, who so memorably gave hope to bong-hitting slackers everywhere by impregnating an inebriated Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up, has signed a deal to write—and, weirdly, possibly star in—a Green Hornet movie for Columbia. Some background on the character and a brief history of previous attempts from the Times story:
...oh yeah goodbye yellow brick road- they were l,ike stories big long bedtime stories- wioth very little filler buyt each song re3klated to the bnext and thats always goign to be my aeste3tic- i amy evolve and have evolved ads a amuysician and a lyriuciost but im not going to lose a few things i may lose alot of pounds but im bnot goping to lose my guitar for a who;e showp... [MySpace]
According to an e-mail obtainted by LA Observed, the LAT has sounded their flack siren upon discovering that a reporter-turned-Sitrick-operative might be trying to sneak back into the building. If he does make his way in, we suggest they shoot for the head, the only reliable way to stop the PR undead in their shambling tracks. [LA Observed]
If we're going to point out Dave Chappelle's every suspicion-raising trip to the emergency room, it seems only fair that we should turn our readers' attention to follow-up stories in which the comedian suddenly resurfaces on the other side of the country, showing no signs of the exhaustion that required a brief, publicity-attracting hospital stay. Accordingly, we note this serendipitous encounter outside of the White House between CNN correspondent Ed Henry and the Chappelle from earlier this morning, in which the reporter stumbled upon the peripatetic comic during his morning constitutional from Georgetown to Captiol Hill. Blogs Henry:
While it's always nice to read Emmy nominee reactions, attempts at not coming across as too boastful can sometimes make for colorless quotes. Luckily, blogging Bravo executive Andy Cohen is never one to dampen his enthusiasm for anything him-related, and so we take you now to his report from the Bravo offices, where staffers are so ebullient over their nine nominations, they are offering free hand-jobs to all takers:
