· Just in case you need to see video of a relatively intact George Clooney working his red carpet magic to know he's really going to be OK, here you go.
· Say what you will about Britney Spears, but she did learn to put on shoes when using public restrooms. That's measurable progress, even if the leap forward came because of a session with a court-ordered bathroom-hygiene coach.
· And while we're talking about her, Sarah Silverman shrugs off her "adorable mistakes" joke from the VMAs.
· Sometimes we really worry about the folks at TMZ. We hope they run footage of the staff meeting pitch that resulted in that post on tonight's show: "OK, remember Baby Spice? Well, she's selling pasta sauce. What do you say we Photoshop up something where it looks like Chef Boyardee took a dump on her head?"
· And finally: Tiny couch lizard.

As the hung Phil Spector jury, sufficiently confused by the judge's introduction and subsequent retraction of instructions, retires again to the jury room to resume deliberations (this time armed with 12 foam marital-therapy bats), a mini-controversy has erupted:

Always on the lookout for an open bar cultural happening, Defamer PartyWatcher Ann trekked to Costa Mesa for a showing of new works by sculptor Peter Harper (brother of Ben) at the Rico Garcia Fine Art gallery. There, she sampled Danny DeVito's Clooney-seducing poison of choice—his own brand of Limoncello—while keeping a sharp lookout for many of the "confirmed celebrities" the press release promised would be in attendance. But even without a single Meg Ryan or Cox-Arquette sighting, there was more than enough free liquor and stimulating art on hand to render the journey a success. Ann's report, and a photo gallery courtesy of photographer Maggie Serrano, follow after the jump.

"This morning Fox's competitors are chortling over a promo that ran during last night's Prison Break that called K-Ville the "No. 1 new drama of the season" among adults 18 to 49. Given only two new dramas actually aired before Monday night, this claim essentially brags that K-Ville beat The CW's Gossip Girl." [TV Week]

· Music round-up: Arctic Monkeys at the Hollywood Palladium; James Blunt at the El Rey; The Distants, Moving Picture Show and other at Safari Sam's to benefit AIDS Project LA.
· The monthly Let's Independent! showcase celebrates its first anniversary with a CD release party for The Hectors, Tigers Can Bite You, and Radars To The Sky at Boardner's
· Will Grand Avenue Live Up to the Hype? Head to MOCA tonight for a discussion on whether or not downtown's rejuvenation project will pan out.

While Hollywood observers can rationally understand what Viacom CEO Phillippe Dauman meant when he told a room full of investors that Steven Spielberg's possible departure from his corporate family would be "completely immaterial" to his company's overall health, they also know that it was a catastrophic mistake not to immediately douse himself in gasoline after speaking those impolitic words, strike a match, and cry in anguish, "But the very thought of losing the greatest filmmaker—nay, human being!—in the history of this business we call show is so painful that this disturbing self-immolation you will now witness is the only thing that can stop my heartsickness." Slate's Kim Masters asks some insiders about Dauman's tragic failure to pay any kind of tribute to the national treasure's contributions, about Spielberg's likely feelings on the issue of immateriality, and about whether or not Paramount should just burn down the Melrose lot and start over after his inevitable departure:

Transcripts and audio of the 911 call made immediately following George Clooney's recent motorcycle accident confirm that at no time did the man driving the vehicle involved in the crash scream, "OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! I TOTALLY HIT GEORGE CLOONEY! SOMEONE CALL BRAD PITT OR SOMETHING!" or did a starstruck emergency operator ask, "Does he look all butch and handsome in his biker get-up? And can you pull off his helmet and give him a little kiss for me?" [Extra, TMZ]

An update on that Wilshire street closure, as provided by an email to the tenants of one of the buildings "TRAFFIC ALERT (STREET CLOSURE): There has been a report of an unidentified package left at either the Wells Fargo or Washington Mutual bank on Wilshire here in Westwood. As such, the LAPD has closed the eastbound traffic of Wilshire Boulevard at Veteran Avenue to Westwood Boulevard. At this time, there is no estimated time when the street will reopen." Earlier reports of a Lohan- or O.J.-led rampage seem to have been inaccurate.

And as for the guy who challenged his manhood over the way he handled the aftermath of Reilly's unexpected firing, Silverman acknowledges there's some buzz on Pushing Daises, but does take a shot at Steve McPherson's beloved Cavemen, which internet blogsite Cavefamer has called "twenty-two rollicking, Cro-Magtastic minutes of laughing and thinking that will make you forget all about auto-insurance commercials!"

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Andy Dick sober.

• The Gawker Guide To Conquering All Media [Gawker]

Just in from a tipster: "Wilshire blocked off. From Westwood to Gayley, There are lines of cops everywhere." Guns, cops, and barricades always get our attention, so drop us a line if you know what's going on... (Update here.)

Highest paid pom-pom-fetishist in television Charlie Sheen appeared in family court yesterday, defending himself against ex-wife Denise Richards, who sought to have overnight visits with their toddler-aged children revoked. As evidence, she once again warned the judge that they could be irreversibly scarred after stumbling onto his now well-known stash of bookmarked pep squad internet porn pages:

· Thumbing its nose at coldhearted, Spielberg-disrespecting corporate partner Viacom, DreamWorks Animation names legendary Sumner Redstone shitcanee Tom Freston to its board of directors. That'll teach you not to fuck with a national treasure, unfeeling new CEO Phillppe Dauman! [Variety]
· Now here's some casting chatter we can get behind: Jessica Biel is "in talks" to play Wonder Woman in Warner Bros.' comic book megamovie Justice League of America, a project that may include other DC heroes like Superman (but not Brandon Routh), Batman (ditto on Bale), the Flash, and Aquaman. [Variety]
· In lower-budgeted comic book project news involving stars further down Hollywood's alphabetical hierarchy, Dominic West, Doug Hutchison and Wayne Knight join Lionsgate's new Punisher feature. [THR]
· The season premieres of Heroes and Dancing with the Stars both build on last season's debuts, while new CBS "look at how socially inept smart people are!" sitcom Big Bang Theory (seriously, will those geeks ever get laid? We can't handle the delicious tension!) actually drawing a bigger number than lead-in How I Met Your Mother. [Variety]
· Conspicuously silenced Emmy blasphemer Sally Field is attached to play Mary Todd Lincoln opposite Liam Neeson's Abe in Steven Spielberg's slow-developing Lincoln biopic. [THR]

"Good Morning, I was just looking at your website, as I have a number of clients searching online for breast augmentations and other cosmetic surgery options in that area. I'm looking to find one plastic surgeon I can work with to direct these people to online. [...] Based on your website, I think you might be a good fit, but I'd like to ask you some questions first."

As our more astute readers have pointed out to us both in an earlier comment thread and in some concerned emails, Mr. Defamer appears to have been kidnapped by Peter Krause, star of Filthy Smutty Cash, a new show on a television network we hardly need to name in this space. Let us just say this and move on with our day: We were just as surprised as you to wake up and see Nate Fisher's face smirking back at us, but our sales department quickly silenced any of our concerns about advertorial crassness by showing us the mock-up they rejected, which we've reproduced after the jump:

With next summer's franchise blockbusters like The Dark Knight and Indiana Jones in the Land of the Diamond Skulls knee-deep into their production schedules, so are plans for the confectionery merchandising tie-ins coveted by shrill, skirt-tugging children and paunchy, middle-aged fanboys alike. Eschewing such creative but functionally infeasible options of the past—such as the boulder-sizedRaiders gobstopper that tragically killed 17 children in the summer of 1981—Lucasfilm has paired with Mars to deliver a chai-coconut Snickers that simply screams "adventure in exotic locales." Brandweek reports:

In parsing Good Luck Chuck's apparent cinematic influences, an latimes.com slideshow makes this not-unexpected discovery concerning Hollywood most stubbornly never-nude (for now, at least) actress: "The first thing we noticed...was that about 30 women took off their shirts in the film and none of them was named Jessica Alba." [latimes.com]

Tragically, a special effects tech was killed during a stunt's test run outside of London for the Dark Knight production shooting there. And while the studio hasn't released his name, the report does give us the obligatory "no actors were involved in the accident" update, just so no one will worry unnecessarily about the health of the talent. [Breitbart]

"I'm going braless," Huffpo's Rachel Sklar said in the cab on the way to the Sheraton. She was tucking herself into a sleek black dress. "Women sweat there!" When she had first invited me to the 28th News and Documentary Emmy Awards, this wasn't what I had in mind: learning the finer points of a lady's thermoregulation sitting in UN-caused traffic jam in Midtown. I was dreaming of Russert, Blitzer, Koppel, Wallace, Stewart, Soledad—Brian Williams! Christmas for the newscasters! Get behind me, Santa!