· Hollywood: Divvied by I.Q.s.
· Relive a rollercoaster of strike-related emotions.
· Carson Daly's decision to cross the picket lines and employ his father as a scab doesn't go over so great.
· If For Your Consideration ads had Oscars, Walk Hard would have already won.
· Find Enchanted's hidden "fuck!"
· Hm. Do fat people repulse us? Maybe we should apply for The Moment of Truth and find out!
· A fat line with Kenickie is like a Hallmark card...when you care enough to send the very best.
· The Curious Case of the Rashy Beauty Queen
· Marie Osmond wants to be the girl with the most cake, but that honor goes to Helio.
· Jake Gyllenhaal to climb into a butch pair of tights, but Reese wears the pants in the family.
· There's just something about Carrot Top, isn't there?
· A grassroots T-shirt slogan campaign arises around a simple, five-word desire: "I'm Looking to Blow Beowulf."

Remember Brad Womack, the slab of The Bachelor man-beef who ripped out America's heart, doused it in Old Spice, and then set the still-beating organ aflame by failing to pretend he'd fallen for either of the two contestants who'd survived weeks of televised culling? Of course you do. That stuff only happened a week ago! Anyway: after giving him the what-for on yesterday's program, today Ellen DeGeneres invited Womack to her show so that should could get some fucking answers to questions she felt weren't adequately addressed during the post-finale interrogation that repeatedly stole the breath of a studio audience scandalized by his inability to let love heal his tortured soul.

As a fitting companion piece to EW's 50 Smartest People in Hollywood, we now present for you the Top 50 Dumbest People in Hollywood (shouldn't that be "Most Dumbest?"). If the other list left you feeling like a bit of an outsider when you failed to instantly identify the name of the industry's top digital colorist, we believe the highly recognizable names on this veritable boob's who of showbiz's most intellectually and creatively challenged will help you feel much more on your game. [NY Daily News]

Friday
· Music round-up: Ghostland Observatory at the Henry Fonda, Aimee Mann's 2nd Annual Christmas Show with Paul F. Tompkins, Grant Lee Phillips, Nellie McKay, and Morgan Murphy at the El Rey, Jonathan Richman at Safari Sams, and Cake are at the Orpheum Theater.
· The 5th Annual LA LGBT People of Color Film Festival begins tonight at the Egyptian.

Though they did last a little longer than the mid-November date initially threatened by NBC, about 120 staffers at The Tonight Show were laid off today. On the bright side, the freshly pinkslipped employees were handed early Christmas bonus checks courtesy of Jay Leno; still, at least one disappointed now-former employee found themselves wishing they worked for Conan Claus instead: "We haven't heard from him since the second or third day of the strike. He called on speakerphone while we were in our daily meeting and said, 'Don't look for other jobs, no one's going to lose their house, we'll get though this.' Two weeks ago, we got the heads up that we had two more weeks (of pay) and that's it. Everyone wondered, 'Is Jay going to come through?' And nothing happened. Conan makes less and he said, 'I'm going to pay for my people.' " [Scribe Vibe/Photo: Franklin Ave]

As the last four day of negotiations between the WGA and AMPTP ended on a rather discouraging note, with the Guild's public statement revealing that they won't be jumping into bed to consummate the studios' underwhelming New Economic Partnership until they come up with some sexier numbers, Hollywood now hurtles quickly towards a holiday season full of empty stockings, less-than-joyous picketing carols, and scaled-back Yuletide orgies. Still, some who toil in the industry are determined to party themselves into the New Year undeterred by strike-induced despair; this e-mail invitation from a "bunch of junior execs at the studios who live together in a big house in the Hollywood Hills" posted over at CNBC reporter Julia Boorstin's Media Money blog defies twin negotiating Grinches Patric Verrone and Nick Counter to try and steal their Christmas with exhaustively Seuss-inspired verse:

Until we saw this clip from Larry King Live last night, we honestly had no clue how hard Johnny Carson made things for our secretly favorite Dancing with the Stars contestant, Wayne Newton, who couldn't pull on a single, sequined polyester outfit and launch into song in a Las Vegas floorshow without having the late night despot crack some crass joke questioning his sexuality. (And later, he claims, finagling him a spot on a Mafia's Most Wanted hit list.)

According to his website (and now, these wire service reports), Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel, the motorcycle-jumping daredevil of the1960 and 70s whose flamboyant, patriotically decorated jumpsuits were nearly as thrilling as his breathtaking leaps across the Caesar's Palace fountains or the Snake River Canyon, has passed at the age of 69. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with his legendary body of work, our customary posthumous search for tribute material instantly yielded this musical montage celebrating the icon's stunts, allowing us to remember him in the gravity-defying fashion in which he lived.

The guy who unsuccessfully sued Dan Brown for ripping off the basic premise of his own non-fiction book for The Da Vinci Code has died, suggesting a deadly curse is afoot, striking anyone who dares get in the unstoppable bestseller's way. (We fear the delaying of the movie version of its sequel Angels & Demons puts many at Sony in danger. Watch out for falling pianos, Amy Pascal!) [AP]

Please join us in laying a big, wet, thankful smooch upon this week's sponsors, any of whom we'd happily still kiss on-camera even if we were blood relations. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and break some taboos, see this page.

If you found yourselves camped in front of the TV last night watching Kathy Griffin's latest stand-up special, Straight to Hell, and wondering what it is about the comedian that sends her loyal, mostly gay audiences into hyperventilating fits of laughter over an act comprised of mostly warmed-over showbiz insider gossip, perhaps the above video will help:

· Tom Cruise's career as a studio mogul is off to an inauspicious start, as poor box office results for Lions for Lambs suggest he hasn't quite cultivated the hitmaking instincts MGM believed he had when they handed him United Artists. Next up: Tom tries to kill Hitler! [Variety]
· Entertainment companies are facing a difficult choice as the year draws to a close: Should they continue on with their holiday party plans despite the presence of nearby striking writers, pelting them with cocktail weenies and cups of eggnog purchased with money they're saving on internet residual payments? Or should they shut down their galas, recognizing the economic hardships brought about by the work stoppage? For its part, Fox will continue on with a somewhat scaled-down version of the weenie-and-eggnog assault plans, as Rupert Murdoch was especially looking forward to drenching a couple of strikers himself. [THR]

Blogging Bravo executive extraordinaire Andy Cohen reports today that he was blindsided by the whole "Elizabeth Berkley hosting a show at his own network" thing. Isn't that, like, his job? Or is he kidding? Was he also kidding about having "lice and crabs?" Do you agree with him that, "LA sucks. It SUCKS!" Discuss. [Andy's Blog]

We've got a serious case of the rainy-day, writers strike blues—when not even Writer Boi's dope rollback rhymes, the fact that it's Friday, or the announcement that the Doggie Chow-loving star of Goddess has emerged from retirement to host a reality dance-competition on Bravo seems enough to cheer us up:

Hoping that the public will believe that those paternity-claiming text messages InTouch paraded out yesterday are as authentic as the misspelled pleas for sexual companionship you drunkenly send your friends from your gag HornyLohan69 Hotmail account, "a source close" to alleged Britney Spears sperm-donor JR Rotem is claiming the supposed evidence is "faked." [UsMagazine.com]

Today, all the world will bow before the awesome earning power of 2007's Most Expensive Female Movie Star: pointy-chinned romantic comedy juggernaut Reese Witherspoon, whose ability to command in excess of $15 million per picture can't even be compromised by ill-advised on-screen dalliances with her lower-grossing, dreamy-eyed, alleged in-flight soulmate. The Reporter has just released the list of Hollywood's best-compensated actresses, its annual reshuffling of the names of the only 10 ladies who get offered roles more satisfying than "allegedly homely best friend" or "youngish mother of a sassy teenager":

Always first on the scene when gunfire is exchanged, weaves yanked, or drunken opinions expressed outside Hollywood's most action-packed drinking establishments, TMZ's cameras captured footage of the disturbing aftermath of a shooting that took place near Les Deux last night.

The media blackout that accompanied the resumption of contract talks between the WGA and the AMPTP forced our Hollywood StrikeWatch round-up into a brief hiatus, but as the two sides have decided it's time to start talking to the press again, we can put our bullet-pointed morning show back into production: