Ethan Hawke was spotted meeting a future version of himself in the meatpacking district of New York City. Future Ethan Hawke, who has travelled back in time seven years, asks present Hawke to stop losing parts to Josh Brolin. He also reassures him that it's okay to do a big studio picture every now and then. Before returning back to 2015, Future Ethan Hawke tells him that our work would one day be appreciated, especially their literary efforts, then quickly added to seriously think about it the next time an offer to do a cable TV series comes in.

Our faith in Lindsay Lohan's discreet, discerning tastes in only the highest-grade exploitation is reaffirmed at last, with a helpful tipster pointing us to the very NSFW XTube video from which this morning's rumored sex-tape still was ripped. The clips reveal little more than the anonymous debauchery we hoped would win out, thus closing this investigation and returning us to the queasy anticipation of the next round of cringeworthy smut. Which should arrive in 5... 4... 3... 2... [The Blemish]

Sad news from London notes the death of Paul Scofield, the British stage and screen legend who won the Best Actor Oscar in 1966 for his performance as Sir Thomas More in A Man For All Seasons. He was 86. Having first earned acclaim for his transcendent theater work in the '50s and '60s, Scofield won a Tony Award for Seasons in 1961 before following up with his film triumph five years later. He appeared in relatively few movies afterward, however, sticking primarily to stage and TV in his native England. (He was rumored to have declined a knighthood as well.) Scofield drew a second Oscar nod in 1994 for his supporting performance in Quiz Show, his next-to-last film role. He had suffered from leukemia in recent years and passed Wednesday at a hospital in Southern England. [AP]

The latest trendy excuse floating through the manipulative minds of Young Hollywood? Nude photo shoots are totally artistic! As we reported yesterday, Hills sidekick and all-around Mensa candidate Audrina Patridge completed a scheduled spread for Playboy, only to have the story nixed (we've never, ever taken a glimpse at the mag ourselves of course, but our "friends" tell us B-cups aren't a common theme in Hef's airbrushed centerfold ouevre). But after the photos were released in all their Catholic school girl, cowboy hat glory, Patridge is pulling a Dina Lohan and claiming the bonerific shots are totally just art, guys: "I intended them to be artistic and not in any way provocative." After the jump, the wise one's words of advice for all the young wannabe actresses out there hoping their ticket to stardom will come in the form of artsy T&A:

· A half-hour CSI stage show at Magic Mountain will allow visitors to Six Flags to "witness a fake crime, then guide them through the 'whodunit' process," before shuffling them through turnstiles for the ride of their life on The Wild Blacklight Splooge-Stain Coaster! [Variety]
· Filmmaker R.J. Cutler will turn the new book Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-Up in the 1970s Changed America into a feature-length documentary, highlighting the amazing stand-up accomplishments of groundbreaking comedians like Steve Martin, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and a 4-year-old Dane Cook, who to this day holds the title for youngest Boston Yuk-Yuks headliner of all time. [Variety]

As if being the "Emmy-winning producer" responsible for Earthquake in New York and Total Recall 2070 wasn't enough cosmic punishment for a lifetime, mover and shaker Drew Levin now faces prison for charges he inflated his publicly traded company's value in a stock fraud scheme. And despite a corporate bio clean enough to serve a last meal off of, the president of Team Communications was indicted Wednesday on 13 counts that could send him away for 200 years:

What would happen if the douchey Entourage cast all took a bunch of 'shrooms and headed out to the desert to "find themselves?" According to EW.com, we'll soon learn. As creator Doug Ellin puts it, "The boys trek to Mexico and Joshua Tree National Park...they'll eat some psychedelic mushrooms...It's one of my favorite episodes. It's their Into the Wild trip." But as any fan of psychedelics knows, the concept of putting four man-children out in the middle of nowhere with nothing but widened minds to entertain themselves can only lead to (further) homoeroticsm and cannibalism. Our hallucinogenic fever-vision after the jump:

We've long believed that of all of Mr. T's deeply subversive acting work of the '80s, nothing demands a more serious reappraisal through the prism of contemporary social issues than The A-Team. Especially an A-Team directed by John Singleton, whom Fox has nabbed for its feature-length adaptation to open in summer 2009. Alas, with the updating reportedly focusing on a group of Iraq War veterans railroaded for a crime they didn't commit, Singleton requires a kinder, gentler, less gold-plated 'Nam vet anti-hero B.A. Baracus to carpool his batch of mercenaries in that famous black van.

We apologize for any dead-air you may have experienced when trying to access the site over the past hour or so, as a minor technical malfunction led to a teensy weensy network-wide outage among your favorite Gawker Media blogspots. Everything seems to be functioning now, however, and we should get back up to speed in no time, filling your heads with the regular stream of nonsense you've come to rely on during the long, cubicle-bound hours.

History is repeating itself. During the last internet bubble, Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation used its Page Six brand to launch a new entertainment website, Pagesix.com. The property has had an even shorter life this cycle: Pagesix.com, which was largely independent of the newspaper's Page Six print column, is being shuttered immediately; it had been live only since December. The URL already redirects to the New York Post's main website, and the site's staff have had their access to email cut off. Managing Editor, David Boyle, told the site's Los Angeles staff. "Given the difficulty in the economy, it was not the right time for this launch," said Jennifer Jehn, one of the site's managers. A total of 18 editorial and support staffers will be let go and three reassigned within the New York Post.

Reality TV and TMZ punch bag Heidi Montag has come to the conclusion that America isn't exactly laughing with her and Spencer, but rather, at them. To combat her feelings of sadness, Montag plans on eating this big brown bag of ribs, watching Mean Girls (she can so relate), reading The Secret one more time (because she didn't quite get it the first time) and, finally, having more "revenge" plastic surgery.

After a touching season premiere in which Cartman learns he's been accidentally infected with HIV, South Park decided to lighten things up in the second episode of their 12th season by having Britney Spears put a shotgun in her mouth and blow off 70% of her head. (Don't worry—she lives!)

It's tough out there for a celebrity mom with a baby cover exclusive with People. From Nicole Richie's non-groundbreaking Harlow cover to Christina Aguilera's boobalicious Max debut, no glossy cover with a star baby splashed across it will ever compare to that of The Chosen One. Well, unless The Chosen Two follow in their goddess-like older sister's footsteps. And despite the fact that Jennifer Lopez received the heftiest payday on record to introduce twins Max and Emme to the masses, MSNBC reports that Jenny From The Block went into vintage diva mode both prior to the shoot and throughout the painful session:

A tipster tells us that the odd Josh Hartnett short film on the Times' website—which shows the actor stumbling through the snow and chatting with a hotel desk clerk, as the first installment of a series that will somehow promote the NYT's fashion magazine—is the twisted byproduct of one thing only: asshole friends! Hartnett is "an extremely nice guy" and a "very loyal friend," but he's surrounded by "asshole user" fake friends who try to use him to further their careers in the industry. Or so we hear. If true, that would definitely solve the mystery of why Hartnett would make time for an aimless project like that. After the jump, more detailed ranting from our tipster, and a bonus clip of the obscure Josh Hartnett-Scarlett Johansson short that is supposedly a precursor to the Times dreck.

Considering the lengths of deduction and investigation we went to when gauging the authenticity of the very real Kristen Davis Sex-Act Souvenir Photo Set, we are tempted to parse every pixel of brand new cell-phone smut attributed to a very grainy Lindsay Lohan and her ex-beau Calum Best. As sex-tape connoisseurs of impeccable taste and refinement, however, we're also tempted to draft legislation making it a capital crime to pass such indistinguishable crap off as the real deal. Help us judge after the jump!

It may soon be time to dive back into the drawer containing your vast assortment of "Free [Insert First Name of Guilty Celebrity]" T-shirts, and fish out the one that started it all: Winona "Saks' Fifth Most Wanted" Ryder, the National Enquirer is reporting, has allegedly been caught once again with her hands in the klepto jar. (We don't even know why they bother to make klepto jars, really—it's just asking for trouble.) This time, the action takes place at a comparatively downmarket CVS drugstore in Hollywood:

· "Fabian is my music," Marlee Matlin said, just moments after playing grab-ass with her mambo-champion Dancing with the Stars partner. This suggests to us that her gaydar is about as finely tuned as her hearing. [DWTS]
· Set your alarms, everyone: Your first glimpse of J.Lo's twins comes at 7 a.m. sharp! [People]
· Ivan Dixon, aka Hogan's Heroes Kinchloe, dead at 76. [AP]
· Hey—it's that immortal dude from New Amsterdam's junk! (NSFW) [OMG BLOG]
· Bring this coupon Saturday, get $100,000 off your Silver Lake loft—and free sangria. [Curbed LA]

The much maligned celebuspawn Rumer Willis attempted unsuccessfully to get into Hollywood club Villa after hearing a rumor about a special Goth themed party featuring a Bauhaus cover band last night. Feeling semi-defeated, Willis then retreated to the Stevie Nicks fan club meeting at a nearby Starbucks.

After two weeks of witnessing American Idol finalists despoil the beloved compositions of The Beatles' songbook, Sherri Shepherd could sit silent no longer, unleashing on today's The View a blistering condemnation of their shameless, vocoder-assisted blaspheming of the sacred pop texts.

Michelle Trachtenberg has proven herself the ideal go-to actress for naughty TV guest appearance: When she portrayed Sarah Michelle Gellar's "normal" little sister on Buffy, she had a penchant for kleptomania, on Law & Order: CI, she masterfully outwitted the cops and the media by staging an online kidnapping, and she perfected the demanding pop star character of Celeste on Six Feet Under. So it's no surprise that the actress's upcoming guest appearance on Gossip Girl will feature her wreaking havoc on fellow rehabber Serena. We're not sure possessing the natural ability to portray bitchy sidekicks is a blessing or a curse, but in Michelle's case, we always find her small-screen bad-girl characters are ones worth rooting for. [THR]