Rumored Lohan Sex Tape Conclusively Proves Sex Tape Overkill
Considering the lengths of deduction and investigation we went to when gauging the authenticity of the very real Kristen Davis Sex-Act Souvenir Photo Set, we are tempted to parse every pixel of brand new cell-phone smut attributed to a very grainy Lindsay Lohan and her ex-beau Calum Best. As sex-tape connoisseurs of impeccable taste and refinement, however, we're also tempted to draft legislation making it a capital crime to pass such indistinguishable crap off as the real deal. Help us judge after the jump!
A thorough examination of the evidence, courtesy of Egotastic, yields a bounty of clues, mostly hinting that we may have reached our culture's sex-tape tipping point. This is no indisputable Davis slide show or call-girl dance number; while the procurer of the image insists its provenance is legit ("Anyway so i have this friend [cant say her name.] who is friends with lindsay lohan..."), we are reluctant to sign off on any purported blow job in which neither the giver's eyes and mouth nor the receipient's junk is distinguishable from, say, a hand or a furniture accessory. Moreover, Best's body seems to be behind the giver's head, which would imply someone else had been doing the filming — not Best, as alleged.
On the other hand, Lohan's dirty blond mane from her Best days bears a striking resemblance to the flowing, flaxen locks in this image, so the defendant may yet mount a comeback. We still say no, but are willing to grant a mistrial with enough expert testimony. What say you, jury?
