Filmmaker Anthony Minghella is staying in the news a week after his death, with Defamer learning that Elizabeth director Shekhar Kapur will complete Minghella's portion of the currently filming omnibus project New York, I Love You. A rep for the project confirmed that Minghella handpicked Kapur prior to undergoing the fateful March 18 operation to treat his tonsil cancer. "He knew he was going into surgery and was unsure of whether or not he would recover fast enough to be able to direct the film," Defamer was told this afternoon. "The production team obviously all hoped Anthony would recover, but they were relieved he had chosen someone of his own to direct the piece he wrote. It worked out well for all the parties."

Having done our homework about dedicated Hollywood recluses over the last few days, we can assert with 100 percent certainty that despite her disappearance after the Park City clusterfuck that was Hounddog, Dakota Fanning is no John Hughes or Terrence Malick. Nevertheless, while this somewhat frightening video passed along by MTV (with its insistent English narrator positing: "Was she scared off by the negative press for Hounddog, or did she simply run and hide because she hit that awkward pubescent stage? Because it seems like all the little girl roles lately have been filled by others!") helps allay our worst DakotAWOL fears, what replaces them is perhaps eerier than any exile we could have imagined.

The Bachelor's movable harem made a pit-stop in Vegas last night for the second of two group dates. To be quite frank, the entire enterprise took a dive towards the mundane after being robbed of the effervescent presence of Bachelors in Nutrition-holding contestant Stacey, whose undiscovered-disease-curing ambitions could one day save millions of lives lost to cancer's even deadlier sequel.

Remember when A.C. Slater used to strut around The Max in his orange short shorts and sweat-drenched wrestling muscle tees? All while dousing the rest of the cast with the greasy goo dangling from his curly mullet? And how much it kinda grossed you out to the point where you decided from then on you would never, under any circumstances, be attracted to dimpled, mullet-wearing wrestlers? Well, Defamer would like to officially announce that things have changed. Mario Lopez is no longer a bicycle-pants wearing meathead, he's a bonafide contestant for Best Male Body In The Universe. And he's got a new workout book to prove it! But we decided to go ahead and compare the original AC to the new and improved Mario, just to clarify exactly how far he's come. The before and afters, in all their muscly glory, after the jump:

We just got off the phone with Lonnie Soury, a rep for Greenberg Glusker Fields, who tells us there's nothing to HuffPo's report that Bert Fields would be taking the Fifth at the Pellicano trial. Soury tells us that "Bert has not talked to the government in five years," that he has "not been called as a witness," and that if he is, "he will testify. He won't be taking the Fifth. He has nothing to hide...That comes from Bert himself." Where, then, did HuffPo reporter Allison Hope Weiner get the idea that Fields would be taking the Fifth? According to Deadline Hollywood Daily's own "Extra! Extra! Bert Fields Has Nothing to Hide!" story, Assistant U.S. Attorney Daniel Saunders told the judge at a pre-trial hearing today that "one of our witnesses" would plead the Fifth. A Pellicano attorney asked who, and Saunders replied, "Bert Fields." Developing...

The Spears family is never short on surprises, and today's announcement that Juno Lynn Spears' sperminator Casey Aldridge will go from babydaddy to fiance is one of the most pleasant ones we've heard in years. Casey, who's all of 18, apparently gifted Jamie-Lynn with the extraordinarily detailed-in-description "rock" a few days ago, and People reports that Spears has been flashing it around ever since to friends and family. All we're left wondering is what kind of party the heavily preggers Jamie Lynn will throw come April 2nd, the date of her 17th birthday. Our suggestion? An Abba-themed 70s dance-a-thon, during which JL will sing/cry her way through "Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeeeeeen" over and over and over. [People]

Megan Fox, seen here wearing the standard young actress uniform (giant sunglasses, designer sweat pants, Uggs, hand bag that's bigger than an infant), demanded that she be whisked through the security screening process at LAX. The TSA employees shrugged their shoulders and allowed Fox through the line. During the screening process, a TSA employee told Fox that LC and her should treat Heidi better, while another chipped in to explain why she hopes that she doesn't get back with Justin Bobby on the new season of The Hills.

· Atta boy, Fox! The network flatly refuses to pay an FCC fine of $91,000 for Married by America (is that the one with the midgets? Or the fake prince?), for the 2003 reality show's depiction of "contestants licking whipped cream off strippers." Fellow networks stand in quiet solidarity, with Ben Silverman observing that "the fine sets a dangerous precedent, not to mention potentially ruining our sweeps week My Dad is Better Than Your Dad father-daughter whipped-cream surprise!" [Variety]
· Smashing Pumpkins sue Virgin Records for cheapening their name by using their music and likeness in a crass Pepsi Stuff promotion. Billy Corgan also wants everyone to check out "1979," and "Tonight, Tonight," both to appear on Guitar Hero IV! It'll be Smashsational! [Variety]
· In a reverse-engineered comic-book-movie-making miracle, Hugh Jackman teams with Virgin Comics to create Nowhere Man, a new comic specifically designed to then be adapted for Jackman to star in on the big screen, and featuring the first superhero to harness the power of showtunes to defeat evil. [Variety]

A round-up of several delicious developments in the Anthony Pellicano Wiretapping Trial of the Century:
· The biggest news by far is that the Scary Hollywood Lawyer at the center of this sordid affair, Bert Fields, has invoked the Fifth Amendment's protection against self-incrimination. Unfortunately for Fields, no amount of scarily worded cease-and-desists printed on firm letterhead and delivered by Krav Maga-trained assassin-couriers will serve to lessen the culpability implied by such a bold legal action. [HuffPo]
UPDATE: Bert Fields will not be taking the Fifth, and "has nothing to hide," a rep tells us.

Having many years ago traded our shitkicking, bar-brawling days for a pastier, stir-crazy life of bloggy servitude, our bittersweet tears of joy welcome this violent throwback to the good times. To wit: Apparently upset with a scene-stealing drunkard crashing her performance at Austin's Saxon Pub, country-fu pioneer (and Willie Nelson offspring) Paula Nelson landed a kick that commenced a fantastic Lone Star ass-whuppin'.

What would happen if you made a gorgeous mesh of Larry King, Regis Philbin, Oprah Winfrey, Dick Clark and Rupert Murdoch? Other than having one hell of a botox bill on your hands, you'd have the burgeoning boy wonder that is Ryan Seacrest. After years spent being bullied by the media (for being quasi-femme, for "dating" Teri Hatcher) and Simon Cowell (for being "yappy little chihuahua"), he is now being applauded for his ambitions to become "the Dick Clark, Larry King and Merv Griffin for a new generation." But how did the Chicklet-toothed boy from Atlanta who used to make Casey Kasem videos in his bedroom at the age of 8 manage to (gulp) win us over?

Picking up on director John Hughes where our recent appreciations, laments and inquiries left off, Patrick Goldstein today has a more sweeping survey of the prolific filmmaker-turned-Great Lakes recluse. Of course we all know he's missed, as Goldstein's sources avowedly confirm (and despite his pseudonymous, decades-old contributions to Drillbit Taylor). But with little apparent likelihood for the director to return to work, we at Defamer are compelled to take matters into our own hands with our ambitious John Hughes Q&A Challenge. Allow us to explain after the jump.

Last night, Britney Spears returned to her legitimate sitcom stunt-casting roots for the first time since her Will & Grace guest spot of two years ago. This go-around, she was called upon by lesser-threatening CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother to play Abby, a dermatologist's receptionist smitten with the show's main character.

Judging by the ensembles worn by the Scientologist-heavy crowd at one of LA Fashion Week's recent shows, all those interrogations via E-meter and "detox programs" required to be a full-fledged Clear do not include any lessons on how to dress oneself. At Smashbox Studios yesterday, Giovanni Ribisi's sister Marissa debuted her Whitney Kros clothing line, and all a whole smattering of outed B and C-List Scientologists showed up to support the Scientologist designer. There was good ole Tom Cruise Rejectee Erika Christensen dressed in a shapeless fiery muumuu, Juliette Lewis in Hammer shorts, and Jenna Elfman wearing some kind of '80s era sweater that looks like it was hoisted from the Breakfast Club wardrobe department. More pictures, and our ideas on why the "A-List" Scientlebrities weren't there to support the cause, after the jump.

Young girlfriend? Check.

After last weekend's flash of rebellion threatening to engulf parents' basements across America with smoldering dork rage, the Weinstein Company announced late Monday that it would in fact release the Star Wars-devotee dramedy Fanboys on DVD in both a cancer-subplot-free edit and the original, disease-of-the-geek version preferred by the angry fans at StopDarthWeinstein.com. But that's not enough for the fanboy offensive, who lashed out in protest yet again this morning:

George Clooney's old-timey small town whistle-stop tour to promote Leatherheads made a stop at his home town of Maysville, Ky. yesterday (he's really from Augusta, Ky., pop. 2004). There he was mobbed by 3,000 fans, for many of whom this was the single most exciting event in their lives since corn-mulching went automated. Unfortunately, some confusion at the People.com editorial desk led to the site misidentifying the movie as "Leathernecks," a seemingly minor inaccuracy which could have led to mass confusion when thousands of moviegoers showed up to his period screwball comedy expecting yet another of Clooney's trademark probing dramas, this one about the 2008 Republican primary.

Ever the upstanding arbiters of non-breaking, debunked news, The Sun today is all over The Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape That Wasn't, going as far as to say Lohan so vehemently protested ex-boyfriend Calum Best's (non-)indiscretion in not just one but two aggrieved phone calls. Because that will show him not to do what he, er, didn't:

· Wearer of the Kardashian pants Bruce Jenner came face-to-face with his gay fanbase on Keeping Up With The Kardashians last night, when a server at The Abbey instantly recognized him as the star of Can't Stop the Music. (Imagine if Steve Guttenberg and The Village People happened to be strolling by at that moment. They could have staged a revival!) [KUWTK]
· Fred Thompson's White House-shot ends with the actor returning to Hollywood and signing with WMA, who'll handle all his TV, theatrical, and unsuccessful presidential bids from now on. [Reuters]
· Beatboxing Idol runner-up Blake Lewis thinks little David Archuleta is "boring." He also thinks David Cook is an arrangement-stealing poser. He basically hates everyone except Chikezie, who he doesn't think will win. And he doesn't watch the show—never has. Yup, that about covers all the Simon-hand-biting he could cram into this one soundbite. [rickery.org via Idolator]
· We didn't catch Make Me A Supermodel this week, but apparently Perry really excelled at the Do Your Best Jared Leto As A Hot Tranny Mess Challenge. [DListed]
· Introducing the Paris Hilton Shoe Collection. All styles available in sizes 11-14, only. [endless.com via ONTD]
· A casting notice for Cillian Murphy/Ellen Page drama Peacock, in which Murphy plays a split-personality husband and wife, features several sides from the script dubbed "fucking brilliant" by Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. [pmscasting.com]

If you made plans to watch something that Netflix was scheduled to deliver to you tomorrow (probably Perfect Strangers: The Complete Second Season, Disc Four), now might be a good time to find something else to do. Seems that Netflix has been undergoing some major technical issues all day, issues that have prevented customers from accessing Netflix.com since 7 a.m. this morning. According to the AP, the undisclosed issues have also had a ripple effect that resulted in problems at their distribution centers nationwide. So tomorrow night, we guess this means that you'll just have to watch something on your DVR instead. Don't worry, you'll live. That is, unless you're a stock owner — in that case, be prepared for a bumpy tomorrow. [AP]