The Hills star Audrina Patridge appeared to be a bit paranoid after she left the West Hollywood eatery, Sushi Roku. Patridge was fearful that she had something stuck in her teeth and did not want anything green and/or leafy showing up in paparazzi photos. Patridge asked all of her friends if there was anything in her teeth and they assured her that there was nothing in her teeth. Yet Patridge remained unconvinced and frantically dug in her purse for a bit of dental floss. There was no floss to be found, though. Sensing that Patridge was on the verge of tears, her tattooed bro-dawg said that they could stop at nearest Rite Aid before they spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get on Sunset Tan.

After The Dark Knight filled out its ensemble cast with people like Eric Roberts and Anthony Michael Hall, we're sure that Christopher Nolan's office was besieged by headshots from every actor in Hollywood in dire need of a comeback. The latest is former 90210-er Brian Austin Green, who tells MTV Movies that he isn't interested in simply being tenth-billed; no, he's going for the brass ring and nominating himself to play the Riddler in the next film. There's just one catch: if they're going to cast him, they kind of need to let him know now...

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your bulletproof one-stop resource for the weekend in new moviegoing. Or sort of bulletproof — Pineapple Express burned us last week with a late slowdown, but we're preparing to bet the farm on The Dark Knight's fall from box-office supremacy by Sunday night. But is what's replacing it even any good? Yes and no, but we'll get to that, as we will with this week's best release off the beaten path and a look-see at new DVD releases for the tired, cheap and/or agoraphobic among us. As always, our opinions are our own, but as long they're right, what's to argue? WHAT'S NEW: We're avowedly Team Tropic Thunder, a genuinely funny (if perhaps too-close-for-comfort) satire that nevertheless looks likelier and likelier to slide softly into history as DreamWorks' last noble misfire. We'll discuss that more below, but our skepticism doesn't mean it can't finish on top for one happy weekend — the question is, How happy? Opening opposite Star Wars: The Clone Wars and still facing a formidable money magnet in The Dark Knight, we could see Thunder surmounting the new Harry Knowles favorite with around $25 million. Clone Wars will finish close to $19 million, with TDK wielding enough juice to creep as far north as maybe even $18 million. Pineapple Express will holdover nicely around $13 million.Also opening: The disposable Kiefer Sutherland thriller Mirrors; the Luke Wilson disease-of-the-week dramedy Henry Poole is Here; the 3-D housefly-in-space adventure Fly Me to the Moon; the seedy, acclaimed LA saga Falling; the Argentinean hermaphrodite coming-of-age story XXY and finally! In the city limits! At the Nuart! Lionsgate's dump-and-run splatter flick The Midnight Meat Train. See it while you can. THE BIG LOSER: Can a film finish in first place at the box office but still be considered a disappointment at Defamer Attractions? Sure — especially Tropic Thunder. It's turned into a bit of a headache for DreamWorks, which has saturated the media to the point of overexposure — literally to a place where the casual viewer they so desperately need for a $90 million R-rated comedy (especially women) is dead to the stimulus. Some folks we've talked to are avoiding it on principle alone, arguing they've already seen the movie via its infamous redband trailer and on about 50 billboards flanking Santa Monica Blvd. Love it though we do, we can't really argue with them.

· We've never really been giant fans of A&E's borderline exploitative documentary series about the throes of addiction, Intervention. While it's great that the show helps families and addicts attempt to deal with their significant problems, we always end up feeling icky on the rare occasions that we see the show. This week's episode, about a woman hooked on huffing computer duster, was no exception. [Videogum] · Former NYT film critic Elvis Mitchell was recently stopped crossing the U.S. border with $12,000 in cash hidden in a shoebox, along with a stash of 15 Cuban cigars. His explanation? He's afraid of banks. That might make sense if he was driving his own vehicle, but he was actually riding in a taxi at the time. [NY Post] · While the Two Coreys had no trouble cashing a paycheck to appear in Lost Boys 2: The Tribe, Kiefer Sutherland decided to take a pass. "Lost Boys was a massive part of my life, it still is. You can’t crap on that." Smart move. [/Film] · In the biggest wedding news since Jay-Z and Beyonce tied the knot earlier this year, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi are reportedly tying the knot this weekend in California. Should be De-Lovely! [US Magazine] · Greg Johnson, one of our favorite up-and-coming comedians, just ran across the United States. Naked. [Buzzfeed]

Like a record-setting swimmer surging forward towards the goal, you, the Defamer readership, have flooded us with suggestions for which actor could best play the role of gold medal Olympian Michael Phelps. Swimming prowess was secondary (that's what they have CG for) and so were bankable names; after all, no A-list actor worth mentioning could hope to fill the speedo of these perfectly cast finalists. Bronze, silver and gold medals awarded after the jump:

Tropic Thunder star Jack Black appeared to have a mysterious rip/tear in his pants as he was leaving the BET Studios last night. Black received many weird and confused looks from both BET staffers and onlookers, but no one dared confront the major movie star to let him know about the state of his trousers. That is, until a particularly smartmouthed fan got a few words in edgewise. While posing for a picture, the fan asked Jables if he enjoyed his recent trip to London and France. A confused Black said, "But we don't do our European publicity junkets until next week?", before realizing everyone could see his underpants.

Warner Bros. sent surprising word today that it has bumped Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from a release this November all the way back to July 17, 2009 — a savvy numerological strategy landing Potter exactly one year's worth of Fridays from its opening day for The Dark Knight. Studio boss Alan Horn officially attributed the move to more practical considerations, however, namely the fact that Warners' vibrant content chain is missing a few links next summer thanks to the writer's strike. But don't get any ideas about Jonze-esque hold-ups or other snags, added Jeff Robinov:

This Should Help With Those "Party Boy" Rumors: NBC head Ben Silverman, who's never let running a network get in the way of being a party-positive "rock star," will be guesting on the upcoming fifth season of Entourage, says Nikki Finke. What kind of storyline might the HBO brofest have in store for Silverman? We imagine that after sparking up a doob with Vincent at Teddy's, a jealous Johnny Drama will grunt to Turtle, "I want to go hang out with that guy!" Their quest to befriend Silverman will result in a hilarious B-story that ends as all Entourage plotlines do: indifferently, punctuated by loud outbursts from Jeremy Piven. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

We all have our own unique ways to unwind after a particularly long work day. Some of you like to hit the gym to do some cardio, some of you just go home to play with your kids and others prefer smoking a bowl before a marathon session of video gaming. However, if you're Molls, none of the above are adequately able to soothe the savage beast within. Rather, she's got a secret passion that helps transport her to a place where the drudgery of her daily routine is the furthest thing from her mind. If you want in on her secret (or if you just wanna know what's going on in LA tonight), simply click through and the world is yours!· Xiu Xiu at the Echoplex. · Rod Man at the Comedy and Magic Club. · Measuring Your Own Grave at MOCA. · The Accomplices at the Fountain Theater.

Recently exiled Extra host Mark McGrath announced his plans to get revenge on Mario Lopez, the newly minted host of the show he recently vacated. McGrath got the idea when he left the popular watering hole, Crown Bar, and saw a giant sign for acting lessons. McGrath said, "If he's going to steal my hosting gigs, then I'm going to steal his acting gigs. So, get ready to see my lovely face all over Lifetime. I'm going to be your worst nightmare. I'm going to be your own personal Nedick."

Now that Britney's sister Jamie Lynn Spears has just "had the damn Caesarian already," you might think the 17-year-old would be free to raise her new baby in relative peace. Sadly, the newest issue of InTouch arrives bearing the gift of postpartum depression; the magazine has alleged that babydaddy Casey Aldridge has been cheating on Jamie Lynn with an older woman, 28-year-old Kelli Dawson. They even have proof: incriminating pictures of the two touching tongues as though they were eight-year-olds who wanted to try out the exotic concept known as "french kissing." Says the mag:

If you think you've had about all you can stand of whatever controversy Tropic Thunder is shoveling today, try notching down the dosage a bit with Robert Downey Jr.'s appearance today on Good Morning America. Eschewing a straight discussion of his ostensibly incendiary portrayal of an Australian Method actor in blackface, RDJ brought his over-lit facial hair to bear on Chris Cuomo and the rest of the studio crew, whose early laughter fades into a riveted 'stache trance unseen since then-UN Ambassador John Bolton made a news round-up way back in 2005. Try for yourself, but only if you're insured and have a friend nearby to spot you. We can't have that many lost work hours on our conscience, at least not in this economy. [ABC]

After paparazzi photos last winter revealed that she had a fuller figure than your usual Olsen twin, Ghost Whisperer star Jennifer Love Hewitt fought back, taking to the pages of People to declare, "Stop calling me fat!" Donning the weighty mantle passed down from Tyra Banks, Love Hewitt said, "To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini—put it on and stay strong." Or, alternatively, lose all that weight and sell your secrets to Us magazine!

Has it been only three weeks since the Momzo the Clown incident? It seems longer. In any case, now that the dust has settled from that regrettable, inter-familial kerfuffle heard 'round the world, it turns out The Dark Knight star Christian Bale will not be charged for assaulting nudging up brusquely against his mother at a London hotel:

We're sorry to learn today of the troubles afflicting George Lazenby and Pam Shriver, the one-time James Bond and tennis champion (er, respectively) whose six-year marriage has dissolved into a mess of abuse, dental and toddler drunkenness. At least that's the account handed down in papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, which also granted Shriver temporary custody of their three young children and a restraining order based on threats Lazenby allegedly made against his estranged wife. But for those 007-ophiles who shrug off the one-film Lazenby era urging good riddance and the rejoinder that there are no second acts in American life, a closer look at the marital discord in fact proves that the On Her Majesty's Secret Service star couldn't ask for a more stirring, villainous comeback vehicle:

This Just In: Lest there be any confusion about where things stand at United Artists: "STATEMENT FROM HARRY E. SLOAN, CHAIRMAN AND CEO, METRO-GOLDWYN-MAYER STUDIOS INC. — After reading erroneous reports about Tom Cruise and United Artists, I would like to clarify that we are honored that he will continue as our full partner in control of UA. He is in the middle of one of the greatest careers our industry has ever seen and one that will continue at the top of United Artists Entertainment." And yes, don't worry — the cleaning lady is staying, too. [MGM]

91-year-old actor Ernest Borgnine doesn't look a day over 86, and so it was that when the Golden Globe-brandisher stopped by Fox & Friends to chat about his new book, the hosts demanded to know how he could still look so darned good. Botox? Volumizing? A deal with the devil (or ICM)? None of the above, replied the actor, instead leaning in to whisper, "I masturbate a lot." Sadly, Borgie didn't appear to realize that his mic would still pick up those whispers and beam the Oscar winner's chicken-jerking secret across the globe. Still, we can't wait for the day that masturbation becomes an age-defying staple of salons everywhere (though we've heard there's some "health spas" in West Hollywood where it's already common practice). [Fox News]

· Leah Remini is in talks to join the daytime TV circuit with a new series "not necessarily thinking along the lines of a traditional talk show." Details are tight, but rumors of a home-shopping/variety hour—in which you can call in your orders for Pea-Org Vitamin-Enriched Pureed Baby Delight™ while delighting to the musical comedy stylings of Martin Short—sound promising. [THR] · The State's Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter will star in Comedy Central's Michael and Michael Have Issues, a comedy sketch show. [THR] · Savor that LAT hard-edition. Tribune reports a...*spittake*...$4.5 billion dollar loss. [Variety] · E! has hired former New Line TV exec Beth Greenwald as their VP of original programming and series development, where she'll oversee a whole new slate of reality shows about the lives of fame-hungry hydras, including the exciting Living Jackie Stallone. [Variety] · Sid Ganis has been re-elected president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, ensuring you a lengthy and satisfying pee-break at this year's Oscars. [Variety]

Evidently unhappy with the zero-percent residuals trickling in from successful film adaptations of their properties, publishers in recent years have sought a variety of ways to nudge their shares of adaptation profits higher. But where Random House took the initiative in 2005 to offload Reservation Road and other forthcoming titles to the screen in a deal with Focus Features, today we're learning of an even more progressive strategy by Simon & Schuster: The publishing giant has a new packaging deal that will kick back 25% of revenues on adaptations of young-adult titles like its successful Spiderwick Chronicles. But that's not the forward-thinking part — anyone can sign on for a quarter of nothing; it's getting the green light that's hard. Which, shockingly, is where a misanthropic old friend of Defamer enters with one for the kids:

A report released today reveals that Julia Child was one of a long list of American spies in the service of the government during WWII, stealing top secret sauerbraten and wienerschnitzel recipes from the Nazis in a courageous effort to defend our shores against encroaching evils. From Fox News: