(Defamer today obtained this memo currently making the rounds in Heaven's Third District, Cloud Unit G — better known as "Sesame Heaven," or the Late Child Stars Dept. Reliable afterlife sources have confirmed its authenticity; we pass it along to you without further comment.) Dear God, Hi, God, it's me, Heather O'Rourke — the little girl from Poltergeist. How's tricks? I know how busy you must be dealing with the whole Isaac Hayes thing right now (my vote: let him in!), but when you get a second, I was hoping I might ask you for just one tiny little favor. It would really mean a lot, and I've been really good all these years and haven't requested anything except for that pony, but that was, like, 20 years ago when I first got here, and you never got back to me. No probs, though, God — I'm kinda glad it didn't work out, because now I need you to do me a much more important solid: Can you please smite the people responsible for this planned remake of Poltergeist?I don't quite know how these things work; Brad Renfro told me you helped out with his dealer not too long ago, and that depending on my grievance I could get some "real fucking payback" (his words not mine, LOL). And I think I've got a pretty strong case. I'm sure you've heard about all these movies MGM is recycling — Red Dawn, RoboCop, etc. — which is all pretty tacky, if you ask me. Like, really, God, aren't there any new ideas? Then I heard this morning that they hired some writers to remake my movie Poltergeist. I couldn't believe it! We had such a good thing going back in 1982, and now they're just gonna go and unimaginatively squeeze another few dollars out of the property. I'm practically spinning in my grave! Now listen, God: I have always minded my manners and been nice to everyone, as per Your dictates. But this really ticks me off, and if everyone else down on Earth gets to bomb, rape and kill each other with impunity, I don't see why I can't just this once ask you to strike someone with lightning or cast them opposite Billy Bob Thornton or at least scare some honest-to-You sense into them. Have you seen Poltergeist, God? I mean, I know you probably anticipated a lot of the twists, but didn't we do a good job overall — good enough to be left alone, anyway? It's not like we made Short Circuit (another forthcoming remake, but that's not my problem) or anything. And frankly, God, You've already made enough trouble with the whole curse that brought me and my on-screen sister Dominique Dunne here prematurely. I think teaching these heathens a lesson would be a healthy first step in rehabilitating Your image among us. Anyway, the people at MGM are named Harry Sloan, Mary Parent and Cale Boyter. The writers' names are Stiles White and Juliet Snowden, but I guess technically it's not their fault that this is happening, so please go easy on them — maybe an extended power outage, or an erased hard drive if they dare to revive my signature line, "They're heeeeeere." I trust You to determine the punishment for the studio people, though, especially with those other perversions they've wreaked of late. In fact, if You could get Tom Cruise himself to kill this project, I promise to clean my room and make my bed and eat my vegetables as long as I... well, You know. So how about it, God? I'm really a sweet girl, but isn't enough enough? Let me know... xo, Heather PS Leroi Moore, God? Really? That's just mean.

Considering how the trailer for Oliver Stone's W. focused rather heavily on James Cromwell and Louis Armstrong, we're happy to bring you this new behind-the-scenes clip (courtesy of Access Hollywood), which offers the first extended glimpse of Josh Brolin doing his best impression of The Decider. It's the impersonation that's split the Defamer offices in half, with some calling it uncannily accurate (and uncomfortably erotic), and others finding Brolin miscast and not ready for prime time. We'll let you (and Elisabeth Hasselbeck!) be the judge, though keep in mind this is all B-roll; once Oliver Stone finally makes use of that green screen to take Bush on a kaleidoscopic journey through the jungles of Vietnam to the tune of "Riders on the Storm," perhaps we'll have the context we need to truly appreciate Brolin's performance. Catch the performance in all its glory after the jump.Click to view

"HEIDI KLUM AND SEAL’S LOVE STORY INSPIRES TERRENCE HOWARD’S NEW SONG" reads an Extra e-mail alert landed recently in the always lively Defamer tips box. Needless to say, we dove hungrily into the story, and learned that the girl-germ-phobic Crash star has his own album coming out—"Shine Through It"—led by a single called "Sanctuary" that was indeed inspired by the timeless romance of the pop singer and Project Runway host. Like us, Howard must have also been watching that Oprah episode when Klum recalled first laying eyes on her husband, sauntering through a hotel lobby in bicycle shorts: "[H]e came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow. And I pretty much saw everything. The whole package." It was an electrifying moment, captured for eternity by Howard's haunting lyric, "His pants were/elastic/the bulge was/fantastic/Ohhhh sanctuary/Their love goes on." [Extra]

Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker continued to defy the rumors that there's trouble in their personal paradise as they sported matching gray cardigans on Wednesday. Their child's own gray cardigan was taken out of commission earlier in the day thanks to an incident involving chocolate ice cream, but the couple vowed not to let that affect their trip. Broderick said with pride, "It's like we're the Mets. Right now, we're in first place in family fun and we're going to go all the way to big show."

If it's not bombs, bees and/or anthrax threatening to engulf MGM in a dense apocalyptic deathcloud, then there's always the Specter of Ownership Past to give the denizens of Constellation Drive a good mortal scare. But only if they're willing to suspend their disbelief long enough to imagine Kirk Kerkorian shuffling back into town on his black steed, blank check in one hand and studio valuation figures in the other, grinning wildly at the prospect of reclaiming the studio a fourth time in as many decades. Most observers seem to think its a scenario as likely as the anthrax contagion rumored to be puffed through MGM Tower's central A/C, but frankly, we're in love with the idea. Moreover, we're in love with the 91-year-old mogul still rocking the brass balls it takes to reportedly offer $3 billion for the studio he sold to Sony four years ago for $5 billion:

Lamas Family acting dynasty heiress Shayne Lamas may not have made love work with the green-card-curious man of her dreams, but by no means does that mean that she'd cover all the mirrors in her house, don a black cocktail dress, and mourn her broken engagement indoors. Life goes on for our little Monkey, as evidenced by a sequence of photographs on inebriated-social-interaction documentation site lastnightsparty.com. What starts out innocently enough, however, with a little round of "Who's the Marilyn-est of them all?" quickly devolves into a regrettable attempt at unbuckling a nearby patron's belt with her head, followed by a shocking display of unobstructed tuchus that will forever taint the pristine Bachelor brand. It's after the jump. But BEWARE! Shayne Lamas's dumps are NSFW!

While promoting his new documentary Religulous (the hit of Claremont, CA!), the politically incorrect Bill Maher sat down with TV Guide for its upcoming August 25 issue. After discussing the religion-bashing doc, talk turned to The View (because when doesn't it?), and Maher was asked for his opinion on notorious flat-earther Sherri Shepherd. His response earned him a round of playground high-fives and "oh snaps":

All heck broke loose at LAX on Tuesday afternoon when Kate Hudson entered a terminal with sweaty pits. One onlooker remarked, "I had always heard that celebrities were supposedly regular people like you and me, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that they would go out in public without applying a little anti-perspirant." Another onlooker, a self-described "excessive sweater", appreciated seeing a fellow sweater living their life to the fullest.

If nothing else, Tropic Thunder will go down as summer 2008's greatest single incubator of distractingly hairy outcroppings. Having already been lulled into a heady 'stache trance by the marvelous things happening atop Robert Downey Jr.'s lip on a recent GMA appearance, we now present for you a scene featuring Tom Cruise's much buzzed-about cameo as Les Grossman, the furry-knuckled, sociopathic studio chief who wants his war movie delivered on time and under budget.While much has been made of whether or not this tangent into the realm of prosthetics-and-yak-hair-based comedy marked a new beginning for the faltering superstar's career—or a spectacular start to its end—there's no denying Cruise's investment in the demonic performance, as if he realized what was stake as the cameras rolled. Yes, this is truly one for the ages, with Cruise's unforgettable delivery of, "Take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE" sure to be sandwiched between the Risky Business underwear sequence and Born on the Fourth of July's climactic protest scene in future billion-year lifetime achievement award ceremony highlight reels.

When John Cusack called us up and asked, "If I answer your questions, will you stop writing nasty shit about me?" we demurred — sadly, he didn't try the same tack with the New York Post. The left-leaning actor is a juicy target for the conservative tabloid, and after Cusack was asked to contribute an essay to the new HuffPost Chicago by his friend, "the good and great Arianna," the Post tore it wide open like a disgruntled Must Love Dogs ticketbuyter. What they allege they've found is a whole host of errors and made-up childhood reminiscences:

Megan "Foxy" Fox gave her ailing Transformers co-star Shia LeBeouf more than eyeful when he returned to work this week. In addition to helping her injured co-star feel better, Fox used the opportunity to settle a bet amongst the crew about whether her pair were both real and spectacular (hint: they are). Fox also added, "If Heigl thinks her girls are fierce, wait until she gets a load of these bad boys."

· Mercifully, the second season of The Two Coreys came to a close this weekend. The Haimster spent all season trying to convince Felddog, his therapist, Nelle, the show's producers and everyone watching the show that he didn't have a drug problem. While it may be true that his addiction to the hard stuff is in the past, the one-car accident that he got into in the season finale certainly shows that prescription drugs still play a significant role in his life. Until next season... [The Two Coreys] · Looking for a good way to kill about 20 minutes of your workday? Try the Empire Magazine poster quiz on for size. Full disclosure: We just got 23/46. [Empire] · Spaghetti, opera, white wine and cardigans with rolled-up sleeves: what the '80s were all about. [Goldenfiddle] · While won't go so far as to say that this girl's Katie Holmes impression tops our own Molly McAleer's Lindsay Lohan impression, there's no denying that this girl has got a lot of Miss Cruise's mannerisms down pat. [Fromacloset's YouTube] · You might the remember that the Tumblrverse nearly collapsed onto itself when a rash of What Would [Insert Mad Men Character Here] Do? sites burst onto the scene a few weeks back. But rather on pontificate on what these group of fictional characters might do, why not spend time time going through the list of things that '80s hero MacGyver actually did? [List Of Problems Solved By MacGyver via Core 77]

Kanye's White Album: Disappointed white girls around the world are doing some deep soul searching this week, summoning the glamour, self-possession and resonant bosom that might someday earn them the distinction of being Kanye West's "Favorite White Girl." For now, however, it's Scarlett Johansson's title to lose — an honor bestowed in a few dozen sexy photos recently uploaded without comment to the hip-hop star's blog. Despite his mysterious criteria, West's fans appear to agree for the most part, with only a few dissenting voices ("I mean can i see atleast ONE dark skin black person on here.... you got all these no-name porn chicks...") among the oversexed ranks and his rumored second choice — a jilted Helen Mirren — reportedly erasing her commenter profile in protest. Better luck next year, girl. [Kanye West via US Weekly]

After making an unsettling detour to Closeted-Heartthrob Rapesville, the Blind Item Express is once more on the move, this time heading for sunnier, more sapphic waters. How else to explain this provocative post from Crazy Days and Nights:

Like most other all-night diners in the vicinity, Defamer's Washington Bureau is positively churning with activity a mere 11 weeks from Election Day. Alas, with so many other outlets having beat us to the punch regarding, say, Barack Obama's fund-raising prowess, we're left to cover an arguably more urgent and immediate controversy affecting liberal firebrand Roseanne Barr and her outspoken conservative archrival Jon Voight. And while it seemed like fun from a distance when the comedienne first lobbed mud last Friday, a closer look today has us dodging sallies in every direction.In case it slipped by you last week, Roseanne got off a Jon Voight blast labeling the Oscar winner as both a "used tampon" and "frightened little girl in a pink ballet tutu" whose anti-Obama screeds are the bidding of the Republican Party. But Voight's an easy enough target; Roseanne, who's known to blame her worst writing on disgruntled interns rather than 'fess up to blogging under the influence, then took aim at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — and their kids:

Wait, what? In the middle of an otherwise routine NY Daily News article that details the trouble Republicans have convincing celebrities to attend their upcoming convention (but wait, don't they hate celebrities?), this little bombshell is dropped: "When asked about Republican stars like Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dennis Hopper, Kelsey Grammer and Chuck Norris, G.O.P. convention spokeswoman Melissa Subbotin said the party was not ready to announce its roster at this time." Dennis Hopper? Did we miss the memo that said the countercultural director of freaking Easy Rider was a Republican? We'd assumed his appearance in the right-wing Zucker film An American Carol was a strict paycheck gig, but no — Wikipedia confirms it, listing two donations the actor has made to the RNC. We'll leave the blacklisting to Jeffrey Wells, but we hope this doesn't portend an eventual run for office from the actor. After all, if Gopher could do it... [NY Daily News]

Ever since we turned the nightly To Do's over to Molly McAleer a few months ago, the only thing the loyal Defamer readership has gotten to know better than Molls herself is her apartment. We've spent time in her living room, her bedroom, her kitchen and even her bathtub. Tonight, we gain entrance into a new room in the Casa de Molls — her closet. Behold, her shoe rack! Pay witness to her collection of hangers! Delight in the majesty of her wardrobe! All this and more await you after the jump as we present our To Do's for tonight, August 19.· LA Geek Dinner at Shakey's. · Dave Matthews Band at the Staples Center. · Showgirls at the Arclight. · Curtis People's at the Roxy.

The forthcoming Bill Maher/Larry Charles satirical doc Religulous has been on Lionsgate's release calendar for what seems like forever; we remember seeing teaser posters for it at last year's Toronto International Film Festival, where it was recently announced as a world premiere this year. Confusing! But not as confusing as the revelation that you and yours can see the film this week in one of those increasingly en vogue "Oscar dump runs" in LA and New York. The tactic mirrors that of HBO, which last spring sneaked Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired into two theaters to qualify for Oscar consideration — except that Religulous actually has an Oct. 3 release date in the States. So what gives, and where can you see it? Find out after the jump.Academy rules dictate that documentaries must screen for at least one week in Los Angeles County and Manhattan before the qualifying deadline of August 31. Thus, if you're up for a schlep out to the Laemmle Claremont 5 or, in NYC, the Coliseum Quad in Washington Heights, you can be the among the first to see Maher and Charles torment the Christian Right and other supposed fanatics. The early run is especially unusual in the context of Toronto, where the "premiere" classification is generally sacrosanct for distributed films of this size and budget. But hey — it is just Claremont, and most observers seem to agree that major papers won't run reviews the way they did for Polanski, potentially undercutting the unveiling up North. That said, we're happy to air your opinions below if you've got the much shorter journey in you in the days ahead. We think we can wait for October.

We apologize for being late arrivals on the Wendy Williams train — in all fairness, it's a ride that ends more often in trainwreck than not. But oh, what a glorious trainwreck it usually is! The gossipy radio doyenne is nearing the end of her six-week tryout as a TV talk show host (and was just picked up for a nationwide run by Fox) and though Williams never been one to self-censor, she's really hit her gasp-inducing stride during the final stretch. Watch as she discusses Christina Applegate's recent mastectomy, free-associating until she remembers that Applegate is friends with Jennifer Aniston, a Williams bête noire. Her ensuing advice leaves no Must-See TV star unscathed (and even freaks out the audience a little). John Mayer: your rebuttal, please? [The Wendy Williams Show]

The fingernails of Al Pacino sent tongues a-wagging at Madeo's on Sunday night. The iconic actor was seen sporting blue nail polish. When asked about it, Pacino said that he got a bit of Dodger fever. Pacino also told others at the famed Italian eatery that his kids got a little crazy at Color Me Mine and did a number on his fingers. Pacino added, "I just didn't have the heart to wash it off in front of them. They just did such a wonderful job. Maybe they want me to lighten up."