On the set of the popular ABC series Ugly Betty, Lindsay Lohan ushered in the next big fad in celebrity fashion: cheerleader outfits. Taking a page out of Heroes star Hayden Panettiere's playbook, Lohan ordered the uniform online and it has been a perfect fit ever since. Lohan said, "People are always on my case about my leggings or not wearing a bra. With this uniform, who's going to bust my shit? It's wholesome. It reminds everybody how awesome their high school experience was. And if you're bored at work, you can cut out my photo and turn me into your fantasy football team's mascot." Lohan explained that she did not want to be any one's scapegoat if their fantasy team lays an egg this season. Lohan added, "It's not my fault that you went with Reggie Bush instead of someone dependable like a Marion Barber."

Miracles do happen! While driving on Sunset last night, we just so happened to glance up at the "lost dog" billboard erected by American Apparel founder Dov Charney, and we were pleased to see a huge "FOUND" sticker hastily slapped on, finally bringing to a close the missing pet drama that had rocked Echo Park. Did little HedKayce really make the incredible journey back home to Charney's East LA warehouse, or was it all a publicity stunt meant to promote American Apparel's new line of brand-free clothing for slutty, hipster dogs? We'd like to think it was the former, even if we shudder to think of the Charney scent that could have lured the pup back home. [Previously: 'American Apparel' Owner Wants You to Find His Dog, Maybe Buy its Clothes]

With just a little over a week until the new season of Entourage begins, we thought we'd take a moment to salute the most complex and rewarding of all relationships in that ongoing industry sausage fest: that of Ari and Lloyd. And no better examples of their glorious co-dependency exist than in those moments when everyone's favorite double-banger-securing Zeus completely loses his shit on his fiercely loyal Gaysian henchman. Defamer videographer Molly McAleer combed through the Entourage archives to find the greatest of all spittle-flecked Ari-Lloyed exchanges—though call us biased, our favorite one didn't make the cut.

Red-Headed Step-Fox: The cycle of abusive box-office analysis is renewed today at the Los Angeles Times, where John Horn broke out his calculator and a hot wire hanger in assessing this summer's winners (Paramount, Warner Bros.) and losers (Sony, Disney). And, as per recent LAT tradition, 20th Century Fox was carted in for the grand finale, an epic pinata smackdown invoking everything from Meet Dave to Fox films' Rotten Tomatoes ratings while once again completely ignoring the total! phenomenon! that was The Happening; at last glance, Manoj's Mint broke $150 million worldwide, which isn't exactly a flop under the circumstances. Anyway, there's always next year, Horn writes, "when it will have sequels to X-Men and Ice Age and a film version of The A-Team." And don't forget Watchmen! Seriously, John — is this even your regular beat? [LAT]

Let's face it. The Fall 2008 freshmen crop of television shows is the most devoid of buzz since, well, Fall 2007. While we would love to try and manufacture some excitement about shows like Kath & Kim and Life On Mars, the fact of the matter is that scripted television is still working to recover from the hangover of last year's writers strike. And while we're keeping our fingers crossed that True Blood doesn't turn out to be a total suckfest (pun sorta intended), there is one new(ish) show that has Defamer HQ nine kinds of excited. Tuesday night's premiere of 90210 not only promises blowjobs and Lucille Bluth, but there's another reason why our own Molly McAleer is breathless with anticipation for the show's debut. She'll tell you all about it and give you this evening's To Do's (please ignore the erroneous title card) after the jump!· Human Giant at Largo. · Swingers at the Arclight (Sherman Oaks). · Joshua Radin at the House of Blues.

Resisting the Lucas-esque compulsion to digitally swap Pierce Brosnan's open-throated squawk with a mellifluous gay lilt, Universal has instead touched on a decidedly more modest touch in tweaking its hit Mamma Mia! for a late-summer revival: Subtitles, and plenty of them. Behold Mamma Mia! The Sing-Along Version, announced earlier this month and finally making its way into karaoke-plexes near you this weekend. And the early reviews describe just the scenario that can make the ABBA musical a phenomenon all over again:

There was a time when the aesthetic of the Japanese game show was thought to be too bizarre to translate to America, but the times, they are a-changin'. Hot on the heels of the summer hit Wipeout comes Hole in the Wall, a Fox remake of the Japanese show in which contestants contort their bodies to pass through a strangely-shaped hole in an advancing wall, lest they be knocked backwards into a pool. Sound simple? It is — gleefully so, as you'll see from the clip (after the jump). We could have used some more J-pop songs or cute, lightning-spouting rat/dogs watching from the sidelines, but otherwise, we think we've found the crown jewel of the fall lineup. It's bold for Hole in the Wall to premiere on the anniversary of September 11, but if this show can't heal America's wounds, what can?

A recently unearthed artifact from 1988 offers a mass celebrity humiliation on a scale so staggering, the mind quite simply reels. The setting was that year's Academy Awards ceremony—and what better way to celebrate the most glamorous evening in entertainment that with a nine-minute-long musical number peopled by Hollywood's "brightest young stars," in which they express through singing, dancing, fencing, and moonwalking their, um, desire to become a "super duper pooper scooper" Oscar winner.Along this journey through Satan's lower colon, you'll spot some recognizable faces— Blair Underwood, Christian Slater, McDreamy, Ricki Lake, Chad Lowe, and Corey Feldman, whose bedroom walls we can only imagine were covered in "Bad" posters at the time. You'll also spot some lesser-knowns: Keith "Adventures in Babysitting" Coogan, Melora "Jan from The Office" Hardin, Carrie "Carol Burnett's deceased daughter" Hamilton, plus an elegant pas de deux featuring Tracy "Ricky's daughter/Seinfeld's twin" Nelson and someone by the name of D.A. Pauley. Have we sold this yet? Did we mention Feldman gets a dance solo at the 4:45 mark? Enjoy.

King Leonidas, aka Gerard Butler, appeared to be more enthralled by the women of New York City in their summer clothes than the latest and hottest script from Hollywood. Butler said, "I'm sorry, but that girl in the sun dress and that girl with the rolled up Juicy sweatpants that are way more compelling than William Monahan's stab at a romantic comedy." Butler pulled out another script from his messenger bag, but once again became distracted when a group of women exited a nearby Crunch. Butler threw the script back into his bag and promptly left the restaurant. Butler muttered under his breath, "Where does a man have to go to get some reading done in peace? The library? That place smells and it's full of nerds!"

· Low-budget suspense movie The Strangers, which managed to pretty effectively scare the crap out of us, is getting a sequel. It promises to cover all the rooms in a house Liv Tyler wasn't chased through by a trio of masked psychopaths in the original. [Variety] · NBC gives Chuck gets a full-season order, while America's Got Talent—which seems on course to reward a male Britney Spears impersonator $1 million—got a fourth season. [Variety] · Lonelygirl15 is returning for LG15: The Resistance. Could someone be a doll and fill Aaron Sorkin in on what's happened in the plot until now? [Variety] · ABC is hot for a comedy pilot from Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd that would follow three families as their lives are documented by a Dutch filmmaker. None of the families are Caveman-American, to our knowledge. [THR] · George Clooney is in negotiations to star in Jason Reitman's adaptation of Walter Kirn's frequent-flyer-mile-addiction novel, Up in the Air, effectively bumping this project up to First Class. (Feel free to use that, THR.) [THR]

Now that Heroes has resumed shooting after a strike-truncated, poorly received second season, star Milo Ventimiglia has less time for nachos ("uh-oh!") and more publicity rounds to make. The latest stop on his Heroes redemption tour is gay magazine The Advocate, where Ventimiglia sat down and dished to writer Brandon Voss about his frequent on-screen shirtlessness ("You do start to wonder..."), his friend John Krasinski, and a certain gossip blogger's habit of defacing his paparazzi pictures:

Found at the Gossip Girl studios: a script for what appears to be the fifth episode of the teen soap's highly-anticipated second season. And what do the selected pages reveal? Mostly the tortured (and torturous) relationship between sad young literary man Brooklyn Dan and his crusty old mentor, Noah Shapiro. Amusingly, the Shapiro character is introduced by Jay McInerney, in a cameo role, who was once a sad young New York literary fellow himself. His 1984 novel Bright Lights, Big City was a smash hit about "you" (the novel was written entirely in the second person) young ambitious writerly types in the big bad city. It's all come full circle! Enjoy some scans of the script after the jump.

Undaunted by the poor reception accorded Hamlet 2, Hollywood is pressing on with two even more unlikely sequels: one likely to provoke an excited "Oh my gahhh!" the other, simply an "Oh my." We'll start with the latter: strange as it may seem, Variety reports that Todd Solondz is moving ahead with an "untitled part-sequel, part-companion piece" to his incredibly unsettling 1998 comedy Happiness. If the idea of a Happiness 2 makes you feel just this far from being completely hysterical 24 hours a day, why not meet its unlikely cast of Pee-Wee Herman, Demi Moore, and Emma Thompson! No, this is not a delayed April Fool's Joke, and there is thus far no word on who will be masturbating on, near, or about whom, but the project will begin shooting this October in San Juan, Puerto Rico (naturally). More wholesome sequel news, after the jump:As excitedly noted by PopWrap, the seminal dance troupe sleeper Center Stage is also getting a sequel, Center Stage: Turn It Up. No Paul Reubens or Demi Moore here, but there are two casting notices that should make many a former teen girl's heart jete: Peter Gallagher is returning as company director Jonathan, and OMG OMG OMG Ethan Stiefel is returning as the positively dreamy Cooper Nielsen OMG. The sequel is set to premiere on Oxygen before making its debut on DVD; no word yet on whether network buddies Tori & Dean will cameo.

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The last news we'd heard about Kate Winslet's post-WWII drama The Reader was less than reassuring: While the film ultimately got its first choice of leading lady after a pregnant Nicole Kidman backed out, the successive passings of co-producers Anthony Minghella and Sydney Pollack left Scott Rudin on his own with the broke-ass Weinsteins to maneuver the Oscar push everyone had in mind. Then, as recently as last month, Defamer operatives whispered that The Reader wouldn't make it to 2008 at all, instead landing somewhere of TWC's choosing in 2009 — if it could afford to release it at all. Today, however, brings renewed optimism from Harvey, who planted a sigh of relief in Variety that The Reader has legs:

Jazz musician/actor Jeff Goldblum was spotted prowling the urban jungle of Manhattan on Wednesday afternoon. At first, it appeared that the Goldblum had trouble readjusting to the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. According to onlookers, Goldblum looked pensive while trying to enjoy a cappuccino at a café. The witness said, "It seemed like he was really missing L.A." After leaving the café, however, his frown turned upside down when he began chatting up a young filly. According to another onlooker, Goldblum did not appear to be as pensive as before, adding, "It looked like he was using the old 'I'm new to town' routine and I think it worked."

Twice this week, a man has driven his car into the gates of Hugh Hefner's estate—more commonly known as the Playboy Mansion—in Holmby Hills. The LAPD is not being forthcoming with details, saying only it has something to do with an "ongoing dispute." We've rounded up the possible suspects after the jump:Jason Statham: He was escorted recently by five security guards off the property after he refused to pose for pictures at the Midsummer's Night Dream Party. The last thing anyone heard him say was, "I'll be back to bulldoze the Grotto, you wankers!" Ben Affleck: New to the neighborhood, he could have easily flown into a rage when Girl Next Door Bridget Marquardt rang their doorbell to ask Jennifer Garner if she could "spare a cub of lube." Pauly Shore: Just 'cause. Hector Jimenez: Disgruntled groundskeeper. Anna Faris in a moustache disguise: Because she is starring in a movie about a Playboy Bunny, and this is tangentially related and therefore humorous. Also, she's a notorious road-rager. Feel free to add more to the lineup in the comments, you Encyclopedia Browns and Nancy Drews, you!

If it's the last thing it ever does — and it probably will be — Warner Independent Pictures is bound and determined to wring every last bit of notoriety out of the $1.5 million it spent last year on Alan Ball's merde du jour directing debut Towelhead. And almost a full 12 months after the film met its Toronto Film Festival premiere audience with a splat heard 'round the world, the doomed mini-major's quest to culturally salvage what's left of the rape-and-racism coming-of-age drama has tapped into yet another free-publicity boon: The Council on American-Islam Relations finally came around the other day to condemn the title Towelhead and urge a name change. We know nobody saw that coming. But things got a little sketchier late Wednesday as Ball and source novelist Alicia Erian each issued statements responding to the CAIR kerfuffle, invoking their minority status to deflect the charge that Towelhead is anything but a cynical tug on the pantleg of jaded viewers everywhere. Their two cents is after the jump, along with a few reasons you should see right through it.This ultimately comes down to the principals hanging themselves by their own ropes, starting with race-card shark Arian:

Though Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff have been rivals for so long that no one can even remember how it began (wait, Aaron Carter? Really?), there's at least one thing the two starlets can agree on this week: their dads each need a serious time-out. In fact, while Lohan took to the pages of MySpace to chastise her father, Duff's received an actual sentencing: ten days in the slammer for poor parenting. Before we explore why, though, let's begin with the latest in the Lohan family psychodrama, which reached its boiling point this week when a fame-hungry Michael Lohan took to the press to denounce the woman who his daughter has "gone gay" for: Samantha Ronson. That didn't sit so well with Lindsay, who made a scathing rebuttal today on her Myspace celebrity blog:

Horny gossip spinster Liz Smith had unwittingly curried favor with Tom Cruise by appearing on an episode of Fox News Channel's gossip-for-conservatives show Lips & Ears, in which she opined that misunderstood Nazis: Just The Nice Ones-vehicle Valkyrie should be "accepted in the same way World War II movies by Tom Hanks, Clint Eastwood and Francis Ford Coppola." (The actor has a staff combing the airwaves 24-hours a day for Cruise-positive messages; both Smith and Lips & Ears have now been slid into the Allies column.) What followed was a candid chat with the actor on everything from his crumbling UA dominion, to his comedic turn as a Harvey Weinstein-type in Tropic Thunder, to his billion-year war bride Katie Holmes bruise-inducing preparations for her Broadway debut: