With the Golden Globes ceremony boring the world into a state of vegetation, viewers are placed in the unprecedented position of turning to the Oscars for entertainment. First-time host Chris Rock gives the NY Times his best "What pressure?" schtick, tossing off a reference to Janet Jackson's "titty" (we think that's the word he used), promising to swipe an award for Jamie Foxx if he doesn't win, and shrugging off The Aviator's buzz:

· A NY court rules that Marvel Enterprises owes comic book legend Stan Lee 10% of the profits earned from TV and movies based on Marvel characters, including Spider-Man. (The worldwide gross from both Spidey movies is about $1.5 billion, but let's see what happens after the studio accountants are through.) Obviously, Marvel will appeal. [Variety]
· Les Moonves refuses to accept that UPN's ratings are flat, questions the whole Nielsen system! Well, as it pertains to his shows, anyway. [THR]
· Warner Brothers and Paramount are in negotiations to co-finance a film about the Zodiac killer. David Fincher is also in talks to direct, but, as always, he'll have to fight to make sure that his "foreboding atmosphere" budgetary needs will be met. Constant rain doesn't come cheap. [Variety]
· Acquisition-hungry studios descend on Sundance tonight, ready to feast on the "best lineup of films in recent memory." We can't wait to see what stays down and what gets vomited back up. [THR]
· American Idol defeats Lost in the Wednesday battle of ratings titans. Stay tuned as ABC rushes Lost's very special, out-of-tune musical episode onto the air next week. [Variety]

A D-list actress best known for her publicity-whoring, red-carpet ubiquity and a flack desperate to generate any kind of buzz for his bottom-feeding clients are a potentially explosive combination. Toss in a minor on-set accident on a movie that no one will see, and now you're playing with a flamethrower at a gas station:

Wherein we invite our readers to break the verbal 128-bit encryption protecting the identity of humpy E! gossip-hacker Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item. This week, Ted offers a drug abuse appetizer before moving on to the main course, a tale of on-set diva behavior followed by a dash of drunken, public exhibitionism. Inhale One Blind Blind Vice:

Both Disney CEO Michael Eisner and former president/erstwhile "Most Powerful Man in Hollywood" Michael Ovitz hoped to come out of the Hollywood Trial of the Century with their reputations intact, if not restored. That didn't exactly work out now, did it? With the trial ending yesterday, we're left with images of their comically dysfunctional relationship, with Eisner undermining his "psychopath" "soulmate" Ovitz at every turn, and Ovitz whispering in his ear, willing to do anything to get back in his good graces. Denying he was jockeying for some image rehab, Ovitz desperately clings to the idea that "the facts" will set him free:

When we first heard that Paris Hilton nabbed a copy of her sex video from a WeHo newsstand, we said, "Wow, that wacky Paris is at it again!" and tucked away a link to the story in a Short Ends post, thinking that was the end of it. After all, what's a little petty theft between publicity-hungry celebutantes and hapless newsstand owners? But here's the thing:The newsstand owner has videotape of Paris (oh! the irony is crippling!) and the LA County sheriff wants to throw the book at her. As much as the public might salivate over another Winona Ryder-style witch-hunt, The Beverly Hills DA probably won't want to play into Hilton's porno-stained hands. Think about how many copies the hot, lesbian, weave-yanking action of 1 Night in Prison would sell.

· Jesus, it's almost too easy. Lindsay Lohan has problems swallowing. [via Fleshbot]
· Also, Lohan's mom finally files for divorce from her restrain' order violatin', rehabbin', time servin' husband.
· Hey kids! Too young to hop a plane and help with the tsunami clean-up? Just hop on the Web and you can clean up your very own decimated beach in between episodes of Blue's Clues, courtesy of FEMA!
· What's wrong with Sundance? Hint: it runs deeper than the $50,000 celebrity gift bags.
· Johnny Carson has been sending jokes to David Letterman from his secret retirement bunker. Jay Leno, however, only receives the occasional flaming bag of dog shit.

· The Egyptian Theatre screens Down Under Wonders: A Night of Australian Shorts. Unfortunately, we assume that none star that hunky Russell Crowe guy, but can we at least get a little Guy Pearce?
· Lush Entertainment and E! host the Celebrities For Tsunami event at Joseph's in Hollywood, which they claim will be jam-packed with models, actors, and A-listers. Booze and hobnob your way through the night, all in the name of charity.
· Spaceland hosts The Bravery, who must be very important in the eastside world, judging from the huge typeface on the schedule page. Dirty Little Secret and Everything Moves are along for the ride.

Dear Tina,

Falling on his own B-list talk-show sword may have prematurely aged Craig Kilborn. The formerly boyish Late Late Show host couldn't have taken it well when he found out that CBS replaced him with a virtual no-name with a funny accent, as a reader spots a superannuated Kilborn hovering in the shadow of his old CBS Television City stomping ground:

With Topher Grace and Ashton Kutcher bolting That 70s Show for the show's final season, Fox and/or Carsey-Werner might be desperate to wring the series for all it's worth. How desperate are they? There's chatter that Fez might get his own spin-off after strutting his stuff in the goodbye year. Since even a show anchored by a talent like Wilmer Valderrama can't get off the ground without a winning concept, we're going to donate some pitches to the Fox gang:

While other media outlets fret over What The Golden Globes Mean For Oscar, we turn to Defamer Special Correspondent Pantheon Zeus to take the temperature of the powerful West Hollywood Gays and sort out the awards show buzz for us. Zeus took some time out from his busy schedule of surfing RateMyRentBoy.com to file this report:

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let Quentin Tarantino know that you see him hitting on that chick at the baggage claim.

· The Golden Globes ratings slump causes the Television Academy to consider overhauling the Emmys ceremony, such as removing most movie and miniseries categories from the telecast, or reducing the show to a half-hour series of reaction shots of the Will & Grace cast. [Variety]
· Fox entertainment president Gail Berman can unload the suicide pistol in her desk, as better than 30 million viewers per hour tuned in to watch the premiere American Idol "retards singing Ricky Martin standards" episode. [THR]
· Red-hot off The OC, Tate "Jimmy Cooper" Donovan signs on for...a Sci-Fi Channel series with Shaft? We smell an agent firing on the horizon. [Variety]
· Paramount is still remake-crazy, but at least this time they're bringing out the big talent guns for their live-action/CGI Charlotte's Web. Julia Roberts, Oprah, Andre 3000, Kathy Bates and a cast of thousands will do the voices. [Variety]
· We thought they'd hold out for Speed 3: Somewhat Faster, but Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves will reuinite in the romantic drama Il Mare for Warner Brothers. [THR]

This report from last night's website launch party for the Satine boutique on Third Street raises an interesting question: If two high-profile Scientologists show up to an event, do they set up a booth and take people's e-meter readings? We really hope they do.

You might think that Viacom co-president/glam future world despot Les Moonves might be momentarily chastened by the CBS News Memogate scandal. Do we have to say it? You'd be wrong. You don't get to the brink of seizing control of all you survey by cowering when cornered. No, when you're a big swingin' dick like Moonves and things get hot, you slap your rivals in the face with your member. This time, NBC golden-boy-on-the-ropes Jeff Zucker catches it in the face as Moonves notes that the Paramount TV part of his empire is producing NBC's promising Medium:

Now that Desperate Housewives is a bonafide, world-beating megahit, the product placement vultures are circling. KB Home, maker of fine tract housing, want to brand the houses of the Wisteria Lane, where everyone's favorite outrageous homemakers kill their neighbors, pop their pills, and pork their vaguely ethnic, jailbait gardeners. You know, just like people that would want to live in KB homes! One problem, though. The houses on Wisteria Lane have, like, history and shit:

Tucked away in the lower right-hand corner of E!'s home page is a link to this clarification about something said on the red carpet at the Golden Globes: (Look for the image copied here at left.)

· An anonymous source talks to MSNBC's Jeanette Walls about a hacker that's been reading Paris Hilton's e-mail.“She was pretty upset about it. It’s one thing to have people looking at your sex tapes, but having people reading your personal e-mails is a real invasion of privacy.” The whole doggystyling-in-nightvision thing obviously can't hold a candle to what she's been sharing over her Sidekick.
· Of all the fat, naked, gay, millionaires sitting in trees on highly-rated reality TV shows, the IRS chooses to pick on Richard Hatch. It's a conspiracy, I tells ya!
· From the acclaimed author of I Fucked Alec Baldwin in the Ass comes the potboiler sequel, Colin Farrell: A Dark, Twisted Puppy. Michiko Kakutani of The New York Times sez "Get yours now before the restaining order kicks in!"
· A Very Brief Open Letter To The Network Schedulers Who Insist On Fucking Up My TiVo'd Recordings By Adding A Minute To The Beginning Or End Of The Program: Fuck all of you, I will never buy any product advertised on your networks, whether or not I blast through the commercials during playback. You made me miss the last scene of Lost last week, and I'm not going to forget about it.

· Colin Meloy of The Decemberists performs at the intimate Hotel Café. An affection for songs about pirates is required for entry.
· Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Wendy Wasserstein discusses the 10 Commandments of Slothdom as part of the ALOUD at Central Library program. We're pretty sure that at least one of those commandments mentions something about blogging. And if it doesn't, well, it should. Have you ever met one of those people?
· Carrie Fisher has left her Jedi slave bikini far behind. She reads from The Best Awful, her sequel to Postcards From the Edge, tonight at Dutton's Beverly Hills.