Interactive Media Producer - Second Story Interactive Studios, Portland, OR / New Media Marketing Director - Epitaph, Los Angeles, CA / Your Job Here! [Defamer Jobs]

• Director of Development - GSN, The Network for Games, Los Angeles, CA

• New Media Marketing Director - Epitaph, Los Angeles, CA

• Director, Social Marketing and Digital Public Relations - New Media Strategies, Washington, DC (Telecommute)

• Bios Editor - Baseline StudioSystems, Los Angeles, CA

The summer may have unofficially ended, but your quest for a more generous, less fellatio-demanding employer continues. Spend some time on the Defamer Job Board and free yourself from Hollywood's degrading—yet dismayingly effective—sexual-favors-for-promotions cycle:

On the eve of Labor Day, is there any better moment to reassess your current employment status? Sure, being a third assistant assigned to a hell-spawned second starter wife has its privileges...Actually, no. No it doesn't. That bitch once dislodged a freshly laquered French manicure tip in your eyeball for bringing back a pint of Pinkberry of unacceptable consistency. Get a new job. Get it now. We can help:

There's two ways you can deal with your current predicament, that being your supervisor's tendency to punctuate his directives with the launching of scalding, coffee-based liquids directly at your face: 1) Put up with it, hoping the amassing scar-tissue will dull your pain receptors, readying you for more caustic substances to come as you advance in your entertainment industry career, or 2) Find a new job. We suggest the latter, and can think of no better place to start than right here, at the Defamer Job Board.

In your darkest hour, when you're slumped forward on your desk, sobbing softly and convinced that rolling calls for a person you're convinced is the Anti-Christ himself is the only gig left in the world, the Defamer Job Board is there to shine a light of Hope. Be saved:

Why can't the government just keep sending unemployment checks until you've finished your screenplay and/or finally booked a series regular gig on a hit show? Ponder this and other frustrating, employment-related questions as you scour the Defamer Job Board for an opportunity to once again contribute to society.

While falling back on your milk-foaming or lap-dancing skills seems like not such a bad idea on most days, don't give up quite yet: The Defamer Job Board will do its best to keep you away from the espresso machine and off the stripper pole.

We know that you're probably attached to your lifestyle of sitting at Starbucks, surfing the web all day, and collecting unemployment checks. But when that precious government handout runs out, you're going to need a new place to drink your coffee and read your blogs. And that's when you'll turn to the Defamer Job Board.

Since your gag reflex has thus far prevented you from rising within the ranks of your company in the traditional, blowjob-related manner, it couldn't hurt to get some outside help for a career boost. Hit the Defamer Job Board and never again worry about how your more orally gifted peers are getting ahead.

A wise man whose name we cannot recall once said, "There is absolutely no better time than right now to use the Defamer Job Board to free yourself from the tyranny of your current boss." (We will allow for the possibility that this message was recently whispered in our ear by a member the Job Board team. Even so, he's got a point.)

OK, so maybe your first attempt at an on-camera gig didn't so well, and you suspect that your bosses might be quietly looking for someone else for the job. Better to hit the Defamer Job Board and line up some career insurance than find yourself blindsided by the new girl sitting in your seat on Monday morning.

We feel your pain: You job—and by extension, most of your waking life—kind of sucks. Through the power of the Defamer Job Board, reverse that career suction and get yourself into a better situation. The nightmares may even stop one day! (Maybe!)

Jobs! They're the only things* standing between you and a humiliating bus ride back to your hometown, where your parents will greet you at the depot, somberly shaking their heads and trying not to tell you they knew moving to Hollywood was a bad idea in the first place. Better hit the Defamer Job Board and find a gig that will delay that Greyhound Ride of Shame indefinitely.

If you've learned anything from the unfortunate incidents of early this morning, it's that your job is probably easier than Lindsay Lohan's assistant's, as you've likely never been involved in a high-speed chase with your boss. Still, this is no time to be lulled into an artificially inflated appreciation for you current employer, so hit the Defamer Job Board to give yourself options for when he finally snaps.

Tired of enduring a year's worth of torture just for the chance that your Pitch Day lottery ticket might pay off? Take control of your destiny with the Defamer Job Board, your online, Defamer™-branded source for employment salvation.

Suddenly find yourself standing on the sidewalk with a cardboard box overflowing with your belongings, wondering how your boss could have taken your helpful suggestion that he seeks treatment for his "obsessive-asshole personality disorder" the wrong way? The Defamer Job Board is here to help you get things figured out.