By now we think you know how this goes: We give you the censored gossip item, you fill in the missing word. On today's show: Twilight and PrivacyWatch star, Robert Pattinson.

Because Friday is traditionally our day for fun times and 1/2 price, 11 a.m. margaritas, we bring you now this gallery of completely inspired "Truthful TV Title Cards," masterfully created by Glark blog. (Seriously! Check out that workmanship on Summer's Assholes 10.) And while we would have loved a version of How I Met Your Mother called Four Forgettable Characters Plus Neil Patrick Harris and a Shameless Laugh Track, beggars can't be choosers, ya know?

Someone's Been in Our House. Or, more likely, the phenomenon of waking up on one's sofa to a DVD menu playing ad infintum is more universal than we thought. The Web site You Fell Asleep Watching a DVD proves as much, assuaging concerns that we're turning into our parents by fading every time we try to get through a Pride and Prejudice. Try it yourself, and feel free to suggest a few worthwhile additions to the menus featured already; we're down for any season of Sex and the City, or anything else grating enough to motivate our sluggish asses off the couch at 4 in the morning. It gets harder every weekend. [via Fimoculous]

We could have trekked to this weekend's Fantastic Fest in Austin, but when it became clear that so much of the programming would eventually just come to us — and that Austin is in Texas — our minds were made up to stay put. Alas, look at what we missed: The World Air Sex Championships, the product of Japan's most sublimely dirty minds and the globe's most cutthroat faux-coitus competitors. It's exactly what it sounds like, and as such, the accompanying video requires little additional comment besides an obvious "NSFW" and congratulations to all the contestants. There truly are no losers here. [Viddler via SpoutBlog]

Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Help us get to the bottom of this Kiefer's pants-stain mystery after the jump:

Something about a Friday afternoon with temperatures in the mid-90s has effectively turned our brains to hot fudge sauce, so what better frozen delight to ladle that over than the mindless fun going down at starwarscrawl.com. By now, the familiar, receding pyramid of text and score are second nature to you, so go ahead and fill in the necessary fields, and astonish your friends (and us—but that's redundant!) with your creativity. We've already experienced the surprising (Rick Roll: A New Hope) and—after the jump—a bold, minimalist take that dispenses with all the boring intergalactic-trade-tariff details that bogged down the prequels. Now what are you waiting for: crawl away!

Because Friday is typically our day to let out a little workweek steam by offering up material just a little more frivolous than the hard news we churn out Monday through Thursday, we offer you this delightful mashup by Defamer videotrix Molly "The Bride of Spindenstein" McAleer. In it, Barbara Walters bids a fond farewell to the shores of her sanity, and sets sail on a large Viking barge for the fabled realm of Dementia: And it's all to a hip-hop beat. Enjoy, everyone! Happy Friday! And Happy Easter!