Diablo Cody and her Hollywood gal-pals cooperated on today's self-consciously sexy New York Times profile. Odd, then, that they complained people pay too much attention to their looks.

A Page Six reporter has sold her debut novel to Simon & Schuster. Paula Froelich's Mercury in Retrograde centers on three New York women: a newspaper reporter named Penelope Mercury, who gets fired; a wealthy socialite fashion editor, Lena "Lipstick" Lippencraff, and a newlywed corporate lawyer Dana Gluck, who moves out on her husband when she discovers he's having an affair. Finally, some insight into New York women who have it at all, but still feel unfulfilled, by attractive female New York journalist. Except we've been there before, so many many times.

Our video bots Nick and Richard Blakeley lurked in the stairwell of Nick Denton's apartment building, asking departing guests what they thought of the party last night for "The Gawker Guide To Conquering All Media," which is changing the face of literature. Hampton Style editor Deb Schoeneman thought up a great joke about how it was "better than Cats." But own-minds power couple Jakulia Allodwick are "just glad it's over." The glare of the spotlight burns!

Glaring Omissions reproduces tips received from readers in the last week that weren't covered on Gawker, either by accident (it happens!) or by design (it happens more often). N.B. What an amazing week of glare! Keep those cards and letters coming!

We thought we'd seen the last of Scary Sadshaw extraordinaire Alyssa Shelasky when she abandoned her post as a Glamour.com blogger. "You'll have someone new to write about soon. Lucky them," Alyssa told us then. Little did we suspect, though, that we would also have someone old to write about still: Alyssa herself. She's continuing to document her Hamptons-partying lifestyle in her trademark special way, now under the auspices of Hampton Style, which is helmed this summer by the increasingly sundamaged Deborah Schoeneman. "The music was pumping, the models were mesmerizing, and the crowd was the ultimate 'it' clique," Alyssa wrote of a recent bash. We missed you, girl!

Vanessa Carlton and Other Superheroes [Hampton Style]

Contributing editors at Deb Schoeneman's Hampton Style: sometime Times travel writer Julia Chaplin, Lucky and Paper and Time Out vet Kristina Dechter, UK Observer New York contributor Edward Helmore, former "Topic A With Tina Brown" gal and Radar contributor Sarah Horne, photographer Noah Kalina, Eater king Ben Leventhal, celeb photog'er Patrick McMullan, former High Times editor Annie Nocenti, Daily Candy lass Pavia Rosati, former Glamour blogger Alyssa Shelasky, College Humor honcho Ricky Van Veen, pothead socialite Arden Wohl, Deb's former Observer co-worker Alexandra Wolfe. No wonder everyone loves it so much. [Hampton Style/The Beach]

"Maybe there wasn't room for both of us in the big city when we were both gossip columnists, but I had moved on... I wanted to say I'm sorry," wrote former gossip columnist turned Hampton Style editor Deb Schoeneman in a soul-searching article in March's Playboy. She was referring to her feud with Page Sixer Paula Froelich (pictured), who she'd just spent the latter half of that same article sorta trashing. But was the apology, weak (and merely indicated) as it was, accepted? Based on an item in today's Page Six, it sure seems like it.

You get this month's Playboy yet? (Yes, yes, for the articles.) There's this thing by new Hamptons Style editor and long-time New York mag Intelligencer-gal Deborah Schoeneman about how gossip blogs are changing the face of journalism and blah blah blah. All the usual suspects are rounded up: our pal Perez, the kid from Jossip, dewy young Gawker editrix Emily Gould and her blog-pal Doree Shafrir, etc. That's dull, to us at least, until suddenly it spins off into a personal tale of how the gossip industry is just so nasty. You see, there's this New York gossip columnist that Deb calls "Jane," perhaps in reference to her Austen-like prose. "Jane" apparently despises Deb, and has, in the past, exchanged brutal emails accusing Deb of trading on the good name of Page Six—we mean, a local gossip column!—to promote her own book.

• Tabloidism is allegedly the most radical change in the New York Observer's history. [NYO]
  

Not content with simply hiring away pretty much everyone working in business media today, Port olio, Conde Nast's orthcoming (eventually) business mag has snapped up novelist/Moby pal/New York gadabout Deborah "Deb" Schoeneman as a contributing editor. Deb wouldn't comment, but we've got this one on pretty good authority. We've no idea how the magazine is going to are, but i their subscription numbers are anything like their sta ing numbers, it should be smooth sailing.

I don't want him to go over the Reichenbach Falls.

So just how well are those gossip-biz inspired memoirs and novels selling? For the most part, things look bleak — save for MSNBC quasi-gossip Jeanette Walls. The lesson learned: if you're willing to sell out your parents as dumpster divers, you're golden.

Apologies for yesterday's to-do list, in which we suggested that you head over to the Bubble Lounge for some free champagne and readings from a slew of gossip writers. As it turns out, everyone backed out of the event — former Postette Bridget Harrison, Dana Vachon, Elizabeth Spiers, and Deborah Schoeneman all cancelled, leaving only ex-Page Sixer Ian Spiegelman at the podium (assuming he showed up, if only for the booze).

• We fall to our knees and weep at the first pictures of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, which maybe we saw a little earlier than we were supposed to. But we don't care — her cutey-patootiness shall wait for no lawyer!
• Finally, after interminable months of uncertainty, Conde Nast gives us Porfolio. Lord knows when when we'll actually see it.
• Turns out Page Six editor Richard Johnson's DUI last week wasn't his first.
• The Coop declines to read from his book, opting instead to briefly just talk with smelly people. Afterwards, he retreats to Julio's love nest.
• We marvel at the horror of the Guccione mansion.
• Star magazine cans five employees, including two Fuller veterans.
• Wenner Media readies itself for MTV's cameras, due to start filming on Monday. Assistants begin applying makeup now.
• Krucoff attemps for the world's worst case of indigestion by eating his way around town with David Wain and Ken Marino, who will later dip his balls in it.

• Brangelina, Shiloh, and "those other kids" plan on returning to Malibu this weekend. When their plane touches American soil, our country will celebrate the reclaiming of our national treasures. [TMZ]
• After his jokes about Brokeback Mountain, Howard Stern gets snubbed by Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams. At Nobu, no less, for bonus shaming points. [Page Six]
• For every tabloid tell-all book, there's a spurned ex-boyfriend getting a gun permit. In Bridget Harrison's Tabloid Love, it's the Post's Jesse Angelo; for Deborah Schoeneman's 4% Famous, it's Rocco DiSpirito. [R&M (2nd item)]
• 59-year-old actor James Woods is now dating his daughter, 20-year-old Ashley Madison. [Lowdown]
• Barbra Streisand tours again! Cue fainting Gays! [IMDb]
• Fake David Cross is to the East Village and Lower East Side as Fake Jimmy Buffet is to the Hamptons. [Page Six]

We mentioned earlier that 4% Famous author Deborah Schoeneman has been doing book signings in DKNY stores nationwide, as reported in USA Today. "For me, it's great exposure," Schoeneman told the paper. Oh, is it? Shortly after that post went up, a New York media type on vacation in Southern California emailed in this anecdote:

USA Today has a mini-article (actually, aren't all of their articles kind of mini?) on the growing trend of book signings being held in retail spaces:

New York mag's Carl Swanson and Nerve editor Will Doig try their hardest to look only at Deborah Schoeneman's face.

Rush & Molloy report today that former gossip Deborah Schoeneman was looking nervous the other night "when she heard that some of her former colleagues from the New York Post" were at the same party. Her gossip industry roman clef, 4% Famous, details the unflattering exploits of "Column A," particularly those of its freebie loving editor and his drugged up successor, "Tim." Purely a work of Schoeneman's imagination, of course.