Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to witness the end of Mel Gibson's career: The recording of Gibson telling his ex-girlfriend she resembles a "fucking pig in heat" and would be "raped by a pack of niggers" has emerged online.

Are soccer games too fast-paced for you? Here's a video that distills the best moments from the World Cup in super slow motion. If this is still too fast, you should probably just give up and watch some curling.

The United Arab Emirates' top religious authority has issued a fatwa against those annoying plastic horns everyone blows at the World Cup, citing possible hearing damage. Praise Allah. Is it grammatically correct to say something has been "fatwaed?" [AP]

LeBron James announced on ESPN tonight that he's joining the Miami Heat this fall. Some people really care about this, and they filmed their reactions for all of the Internet to enjoy.

Like all great geniuses, Paul the psychic octopus who predicts the outcomes of Germany's soccer matches is tortured: Argentinian soccer fans who blame their team's loss on him have threatened to cook and eat him.

Paul the Psychic Octopus lives in a German aquarium and correctly predicted the outcome of every single match of Germany's now-ended World Cup run. He predicted Spain would defeat Germany; Spain beat Germany today. Six outta six for Paul! UPDATE:

Tonight, John Oliver continued his World Cup-related Daily Show segments with an examination into the lack of racism in formerly apartheid-ridden South Africa as the World Cup continues. That said, Oliver found one racist to conquer them all. Video inside.

The World Cup now enters its Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome phase. We began with a thriving civilization of 31 proud soccer nations (plus France). Only four battle-hardened survivors remain to spar over scarce resources in an unforgiving environment.

Sarah Palin was doing a meet-and-greet at the American Amusement Machine Association's International Bowl Expo 2010 last week (Ha) and, well, it appears one guy she met was a fan of more than just her fiscal policies.

Whew, not much going on in the world today! Here is a funny sketch that's a parody of District 9 where the Prawns are replaced with World Cup soccer players. Hope you all are having a fun Fourth.

Uruguay and Ghana are currently tied in their World Cup quarterfinal match. Which is exciting, and all, but check out this Uruguayan defender's bone crunching tumble in slo-mo. How did his neck not snap like a brittle vuvuzela?

Tonight's Daily Show was chock-full of World Cup talk. First, Jon Stewart recapped the last few days of competition. Then, correspondent John Hodgman channeled Glenn Beck and talked about how soccer can "fix" itself to last in America. Videos inside.

Crystal Gail Magnum, the woman who falsely accused members of the Duke lacrosse team of raping her, held a crazy press conference in her yard today to announce that new charges against her—of arson and attempted murder—are false.

Nathan's annual Hot Dog Eating Contest takes place on July 4th. With all the speculation about the contestants, let's get one thing clear: Competitive eating is not a sport. Here are some other activities that should stop pretending they're athletics.

Tonight, Jon Stewart bounced back and forth between a few topics during his opening segment, from the United States' World Cup loss to Ghana, to the G20 Summit, to awkward beer bottle clanking moments with President Obama. Video inside.

America has left the World Cup. Now who do we cheer for? For many, England is the fallback. Sports journalist Zach Dundas—author of the new book The Renegade Sportsman—explores the singular neuroses of an American rooting for England.

This is ridiculous. During the second overtime period of today's USA-Ghana World Cup match, a Ghana player "fell," softly and COMPLETELY BY HIMSELF, wouldn't get up (even after the referee insisted), and was carried away ON A GURNEY. Video inside.

Obviously, we're cheering for America to win today's match against Ghana because, U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! But in a tiny corner of our red-blooded hearts we know that Ghana—Africa's last hope!—is cosmically favored for a win. What to do?

North Korea was defeated handily by the Ivory Coast today, 3-0. Having not won a single game, our favorite squad of plucky autocratic regime subjects are returning home. There they'll face hard labor or an outpouring of nationalist appreciation.

We all know that vuvuzelas are annoying. Well, guess what—dogs hate them, too! In this case, the pooch being victimized by his taunting, vuvuzela-branding owner decides to let his frustration flow, if you get my drift. Video inside.