Dawn Eden is a former rock journalist better known as the copy editor who got fired from the New York Post for being too conservative, later writing a book about not having sex. How fitting, then, that she somehow re-appears in the midst of the Sarah Palin report card forgery. The report card "is is in fact a forgery made from my SAT scoresheet, which I posted in January 2004," Eden blogs.How bizarre. So Eden's the one with the 425 Verbal? Not really: whoever forged it "lowered the grades and scores on the printout to make Palin, an honor-society member, look like a mediocre student." Eden then dismisses us with a haughty, "And now, I will attempt to leave all this bloggy excitement behind for a while, as I am currently pursuing a master's degree in theology and need to study for midterms." Also: Radar Online

Dawn Eden was a copy editor who got fired from the New York Post for being too conservative. It's true! She wrote a book about not having any sex called The Thrill of the Chaste. It's just been translated into Chinese! Since Dawn so enjoyed our last effort at coming up with alternate titles for her book (oh god we've been doing this a long time), she asked in an email if perhaps we might have some ideas for the alternate title of the Chinese edition. We do! But we can't share them because we're writing our own competing book on how sex is great. For the Chinese title we're thinking The Great Leap Whore-ward. [The Dawn Patrol]

Self-styled "former popular-music historian" turned revirginized Catholic loonytune Dawn Eden is no longer a deputy news editor at the New York Daily News. She says she's leaving to take her "dream job" as director of the Cardinal Newman Society's Love and Responsibility program, whose "projects include promoting Eucharistic Adoration, monitoring commencement speakers, and campaigning to stop Catholic campuses from hosting Eve Ensler's play that reduces women to their anatomy." Dawn is "elated, excited, and, most of all, thankful," which is just how we'd feel about basically any news if we hadn't gotten laid since March 2003. And from what we hear, her Daily News co-workers are pretty elated to see her go!

Relentless self-promoter/professional hymen-regenerator Dawn Eden wants to make sure we're aware of the following:

From the hymen-regenerator herself comes this courteous email:

So this is just crazy enough to be true, but still pretty frigging crazy: the News is going to fill its lady vacancy (created by the canning of Lenore Skenazy) by giving a columnist job to... wait for it... Dawn Eden! That's right, the professional hymen-regenerator herself. Our source on this sounded slightly dubious, and who wouldn't? If you know anything, send it in.

Born-again former groupie and author of The Thrill of the Chaste Dawn Eden is, stunningly, finding it a bit tough to locate the special someone who deserves her regrown ladytreasure. The problem? Even though "[celibacy] is a state of grace, where nothing penetrates you," sometimes things can get a little out of hand: "Kissing happens." It happens but rarely, though: Dawn does date, but "not very often. And not in a while." So has she been, you know, taking care of her own needs? GOD, no! "From the beginning, when I first started masturbating I always felt depressed afterward. As I drew closer to Catholicism I realized that masturbation was against my faith."

From issues of sexuality to issues of no sex at all, here's a promo clip that permanently cross-legged hymen regenerator Dawn Eden made for her new book, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. Remember how we all thought that Twyla Tharp musical was gonna kill Bob Dylan? Well, if he survives this one, we know he's bulletproof.

Former New York Post and current New York Daily News staffer and sex-averse blogger Dawn Eden has her book coming out in early December, just in time for Christ-mas. The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfilmment while Keeping Your Clothes On indeed sounds like a barrel o' laughs, but of particular note are a couple excerpts from the acknowledgements:

• Intrigue! (Bob Woodward makes a rare appearance in New York.) Scandal! (Secret goverment documents are unveiled.) Success! (State of Denial: Bush at War, Part III is now No. 1 on the Times Best Seller list.) Religion! (Simon & Schuster executives pray Jared Paul Stern has the same fate.) [92nd St Y]
  

• Maybe we just love the image too much, but when we see Paris Hilton in handcuffs, we have to think she's enjoying herself. Hell, just another romantic night for the lady. [TMZ]
• Ellen: What's the deal with blogs? [BWE]
• Is CBS looking to team Campbell Brown and Anderson Cooper as co-hosts for The Early Show? Just some advice to the network brass: if you put those two in captivity, they're not gonna mate. [Fox411]
• Blogosphere alum and Vanity Fair online editor Andrew Hearst hits the print edition, makes magazine funny. [VF]
• The majority owners of celeb-hive nightspot Butter are suing co-owner Scott Sartiano for using club profits to further his lavish lifestyle. Well, duh. [NYP]
• Thanks to the Johnny Walker Blue Label Index, you can now determine exactly how much you're being ripped off by chic watering holes. [Eater]
• Making Park Slope mommies look downright appealing. [CookieAssortment]
• We know she's just lifting her voice towards the heavens or whatever, but Dawn Eden should not be allowed to sing. Or, at the very least, she should not be allowed to record herself singing. C'mon, girl, have some shame. God likes 'em modest. [Feministing]

• Rip off those condoms, boys! The FDA proposes to sell the morning-after pill over the counter for women 18 and older; we encourage you to try Plan B just once, if only because the woman in its advertisement looks so damn serene. Inner peace comes from knowing you knocked that would-be zygote out of commission. [Plan B]
• Why would alleged perv Jeffrey Epstein donate $30 million to Harvard? Almost all of the university's students are of legal age. [Crimson]
• In the midst of all of Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic fun, Hollywood Jew-bashing Gregg Easterbrook is back on ESPN.com. Coincidence? Not when he's got advice from Jesus for Phil Mickelson. [ESPN]
• Haute Living, the bible of those who like to live haute, will launch a NYC spin-off version, to be found in "400 luxury buildings where the average price of an apartment is $4.2 million." Just what New York needed: rich fucks reading about their rich fucking lifestyle while lounging about their rich fucker apartment. [The Real Estate]
• And in other magazine news, introducing ShopSmart, Consumer Report's ghetto version of Lucky. [NYDN]
• Life & Style to get bloggy. [FishbowlNY]
• Poor Lower East Side. You've tried to stand tall throughout the climbing rent prices, overcrowded bars, and impossibly expensive boutique shopping. You even kept your cool when Starbucks set up shop. But now the line has been crossed: a gym, an actual area promoting fitness, is headed for Ludlow Street. A moment of silence, please. [Curbed]
• So with the biblical heat outside, how long until people start losing power? We're setting the over/under at 18 hours. [NYSun]

How have we not seen this yet? Daily News copy editor Dawn Eden — everyone's second favorite scary conservative Catholic after Mel Gibson — has posted on her blog a tantalizing preview of her forthcoming book, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. The book is her inspirational account of how she found God (or some such), stopped having sex (or some such), and discovered happiness (somehow). We're still busy trying to unpack this bit on gay men, straight men, straight women, and TV:

You all know Dawn Eden, right? Former NY Post headline writer canned for being too vocal on religious issues, rescued by the Daily News, and eventually got a book deal because that's what publishing houses eat for lunch these days? OK, she just made my day. I may never post again. (Hold your applause.) When I asked for tips earlier I was desperate enough to ask for pics of your mom. She did not fail.

• From our favorite Christian soldier, per an item yesterday: "I don't care if your researchers found out that Judith Miller and I have the same Webmaster. I am NOT Judith Miller, and I demand a retraction. Yours sincerely - Dawn Eden."
• But what if Dawn Eden is a Starlight Mints fan like our little Judy? [Lindsayism]
• You've always longed for a HitchensWatch, you just didn't know it till now. [Hitchenswatch]
• An easy guide to understanding the ASME's best mag covers. [Low Culture]
• Michael Musto ends his latest Village Voice column on a perplexing note. Although we'd not be surprised if he actually were going through menopause. [VV]
• Times Square denizens the Naked Cowboy and Naked Cowgirl join forces for the (presumably) naked interview. [Yes But No But Yes]

FishbowlNY makes a great point: Leaky Times reporter Judith Miller and the Daily News' very-Christian headline writer Dawn Eden have a lot in common: They're both on some sort of hiatus (Eden from her blog, anyhow), they're both working on books (Dawn's writing some "don't have sex" thing, and Judy's making bank on her rumored deal), and they both threw their own shit at the office fan (Eden left the Post after her editing skills got a bit too pro-Jesus, and Miller, well, you know). Plus, we'd like to add, they both do what they're told without skepticism or question (Miller by the government, Eden by G-d).

Is it just us or does that top headline (click to enlarge) make absolutely no sense, even for a Post hed? I mean, Tom Cruise is famous for being in movies called "Mission Impossible," and yes, the subhead is informative, if credulous, so we're with them that far. But when we search for some clever double entendre — or even a cheesy pun — we come up dry.

Dawn Eden, the copy editor too conservative (among other small issues) for the New York Post and too godly to disrespect her body by allowing it any pleasure not specifically sanctioned by Yahweh, is taking a bit of a break from blogging. But don't you feminazis get any ideas!

Everyone's favorite right-wing nutjob, God-fearing blogger Dawn Eden, muses on her job as a headline writer for the Daily News: