Now that Barack Obama has released his long-form birth certificate, let's play What Other Evil News Is He Trying to Distract Us From? Maybe it's this: The AP reports that CIA Director and former Bill Clinton chief of staff Leon Panetta will take over for Defense Secretary Robert Gates this summer, while Afghanistan commander Gen. David Petraeus will replace Panetta at the CIA. Does the Obama administration want us talking about this?

Defense Secretary Robert Gates is on a trip to Afghanistan, landing in Kabul this morning. Gen. David Petraeus greeted him at the airport and the two immediately engaged in the sort of lighthearted banter you'd expect from two of the country's top military men.

The Times of London is reporting that Gen. David Petraeus will leave his spot as the head of the U.S. Afghan Command at the end of the year, not that anyone blames him. Petraeus replaced Gen. Stanley McChrystal in the difficult, thankless job in July of 2010 after McChrystal was fired over a Rolling Stone article; a search is apparently already on for a replacement, who would theoretically be overseeing the withdrawal of American troops and thinking a lot about how great it will be when he can retire and maybe play a little golf. [Times via The Daily Beast]

Gen. Petraeus' team has responded to the story of destroyed Afghan town Tarok Kolache.

Washington's top suck-up access journalist, Bob Woodward, is releasing his first book about the Obama presidency, Obama's Wars, next week. What terrible Beltway gossip will it contain? For starters: Watch out when David Petraeus starts drinking wine, yowza!

Florida's Dove World Outreach Center, the insane church that's planning a Koran-burning festival for 9/11, will go ahead with it for now, despite a rare warning from Gen. David Petraeus about their actions inciting waves of anti-American violence overseas.

Gen. James Mattis will likely replace Gen. David Petraeus as head of Central Command (CENTCOM), which oversees all Middle East military operations. And it seems he thinks "it's fun to shoot some people," if not "a hell of a hoot."

The Senate has confirmed David Petraeus as Afghanistan's top commander in a close vote, 99-0.

Here's a clip of Barack Obama, flanked by new Afghanistan commander David Petraeus and Vice President Joe "Bite Me" Biden, announcing the change from General Stanley McChrystal, a meanie. As always, be sure to gauge whether Obama "looks angry" enough.

It appears that John McCain's endless droning was enough to make America's most famous general, David Petraeus, ill during a Senate hearing on Afghanistan today. Petraeus briefly fainted, blaming it on dehydration. McCain's expression is priceless! Is this guy soft?

Hear ye, hear ye, our rulers hath decreed: The military exertion formerly known as "Operation Iraqi Freedom" shall henceforth be known as "Operation New Dawn." Petraeus and Gates asked for the new name, and were approved. Read their official memo.

Ethan Hawke turns 39 today. Mike Nichols, the film director and husband of Diane Sawyer, is turning 78. Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford is 41. The First Lady of California, Maria Shriver, is 54. Sally Field is turning 62. Writer Michael Cunningham is 57. Rebecca Romijn (formerly Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) turns 37 today. Thandie Newton is turning 37. Taryn Manning is 31. Actress Emma Stone is 21. TV host Catherine Crier is turning 55. Former Manhattan Borough President Ruth Messinger is turning 69. Joe Wilson, the former diplomat and husband of Valerie Plame, is 60 And Lamar Odom, the NBA star and poor soul now married to Khloe Kardashian, is 30. A few weekend birthdays after the jump.

Filmmaker Morgan Spurlock is 38 today. Joni Mitchell is 65. Reverend Billy Graham is 90. General David Petraeus is turning 56. Former Brady Bunch star Christopher Knight turns 51. Lost star Yunjin Kim is 35. Interior designer John Barman is 59. And twin actors Jeremy and Jason London are 36. Weekend birthdays after the jump.