If you are like me, a lonely artisan in the big city who makes crude wooden toys for a living, then all the modern trappings of dating—the break-up, “ghosting,” “benching,” Tindr, etc.—just don’t seem to cut it anymore.

FEELS LIKE -25°, NEW YORK—It was the coldest February 14th on record in New York City in 100 years, but inside The Ainsworth club in Manhattan, no one was dressed for the weather. Over 400 young, unmarried women had wedged themselves into sleeveless, Herve Leger-style bandage dresses and open-toed shoes to spend roughly three hours in the same room as several male castoffs from The Bachelor TV franchise, on Valentine’s Day.

"How can I get girls' phone numbers and not feel like a loser when I have a flip phone?" asks a male user of the internet advice site Quora.com.

At first, it went pretty well, as far as Internet dates with men named "Gooch" go. After meeting at Racks Restaurant and Sports Bar in Atco (sample review: "I guess its cool for Atco"), a New Jersey woman took OkCupid match Gennaro "Gooch" Aladena back to her home.

Valentine's Day is right around the corner, ladies—and we mean, like, tomorrow. If that Hallmark-propelled fact leaves you sad-face-emoji rather than heart-eyes-emoji, don't fret. There are still a number of attractive, eligible bachelors right here in New York City. (And we're sure there are a bunch in other cities, too! Just focusing on New York City specifically for this article.)

Last Monday, on the night of the blizzard that talked a big talk but then never came, I was batting around an idea, one of many that had to do with the dating app Tinder, with my colleague Sam.

"10 Reasons You Shouldn't Date a Mexican Man," by Trisha Velarmino, published today on ThoughtCatalog.com.

Gilberto "Cannibal Cop" Valle beat his conviction for conspiring to kidnap, rape, kill, and eat women last summer—and he's ready to get back into the dating scene. The New York Post found his apparent Match.com profile, in which the former NYPD officer seeks the loving companionship of a woman who is "non-judgmental" and "a little kinky ;)"

Imagine: You recently meet someone and hit it off immediately. Before long, one date has become 10, and it hasn’t even been two weeks. This person is now first in line to all the other people you have loosely been dating or sexting or whatever it is you do with people you sort-of like. Time with them has usurped time on Tinder to the point where you now feel comfortable introducing them to friends.

Man has long grappled with the question of what to do with women once they step outside the sexually desirable age range of "eighteen" to twenty-six. They're around for some time after [fact-check this claim, please — Ed.], but why?

How efficient is the "right-swipe everyone" strategy for dudes on Tinder? Apparently, it's only limited by the manual dexterity and endurance of the swiper. And now one evil genius has removed even that barrier by building a mechanical finger that automatically says yes to every woman on the dating site.

Although the college experience at large state universities is a nonstop sex party, the "elite" college experience is more... refined. Finding love can be difficult. Happily, our nation's future leaders now have a new crutch.

I met him in a drag bar in the West Village on one of the first warm days of the year. While I certainly get the appeal of drag queens, it's not really one of my favorite forms of entertainment. But I didn't want to be a spoiler so I watched some really large Italian man in makeup quote Trina's rap lyrics in exchange for laughter and a few dollar bills. Right around the time I thought to leave, he walked in. And we immediately locked eyes. We gazed at each other for an hour until I noticed something: He was with someone else.

A common refrain among today's fallen youth: "I have turned my back on His grace and fallen into temptation by cleaving the flesh of so many hotties. Shall I ever be wed?" Take heart, young heathens—despite your history of harlotry, you too can find an unhappy marriage.

Much like Facebook, dating site OkCupid has been conducting secret social experiments on its users—not to influence their moods, but sometimes to influence their opinions of one another. In the latest post on OkCupid's data-driven chronicle of man's inhumanity to man, the OkTrends Blog, we learn that your picture is all that matters and you'll like whomever a fair-to-middling cupid tells you to like.

Edward is a single, eligible guy, just looking for love on Tinder. He's handy with technology, enjoys traveling to exotic locales—he's in Moscow right now, actually—and he's got a great positive attitude. Is it any surprise that ladies on the dating site love him (whether they know who he is or not)?

After Ernest Baker's essay about interracial relationships, "The Reality of Dating White Women When You're Black," ran on Gawker earlier this month we received hundreds of comments and emails objecting to, agreeing with, or otherwise responding to Baker. This week, we're publishing some of those responses as part of a conversation about race and relationships.

Are you having trouble finding true love? Are you also a very smart person who knows this because you've taken a Mensa test for confirmation? Now you won't be alone with your big brain forever: Match.com is set to premiere a new service designed only for very smart people.

After Ernest Baker's essay about interracial relationships, "The Reality of Dating White Women When You're Black," ran on Gawker earlier this month we received hundreds of comments and emails objecting to, agreeing with, or otherwise responding to Baker. This week, we're publishing some of those responses as part of a conversation about race and relationships.

Tinder, the dating app that has shrewdly transposed "hot or not" into a gratifying thumb swipe experience, has also apparently inspired a "Joshua" to text 32 of his matches at once. Apparently, Joshua does not have time to be courting these women one at a time or text them individually.