Lindsay Lohan is cracked out and running out of places! Or something. We're not sure what Harry Potter is smoking but it's awesome. Carrie Prejean has more sex on camera. Jon Gosselin, Exortionists: Dicknoses. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Cindy Crawford is in the midst of a horrifying extortion case, Chris Brown gets heckled, Daniel Radcliffe "laughs his head off" when he's high. Friday's gossip ranges from the depths of depravity to the pleasantly banal.

Sienna Miller is happy to wear other people's underwear, Michael Jackson liked to pee into cups in public and Rihanna says her life sucked so much after she got beaten up that she might as well have been Britney!

• After more than two years on the market, Gisele Bundchen has finally found a buyer for her triplex penthouse at 347 West 11th Street. The supermodel didn't make out nearly as well as she'd been hoping when she first put the 1,700-square-foot apartment up for sale. Originally priced at $10.9 million in Sept. 2007, the pad was listed for $4.5 million when it went into contract last week. Hopefully she'll have better luck with the Barrow Street townhouse that she wants to sell. It's still on the market for $13.95 million. [WSJ, PDE]
• Dave Barger, the CEO of JetBlue, has taken a loss on the sale of his 11th-floor apartment at The Plaza. The two-bedroom pad, which Barger picked up for $10 million in 2007, just sold for $9 million. [Cityfile]
• Daniel Radcliffe has paid $5.65 million for a five-bedroom townhouse at 339 West 12th Street. The 3,000-square-foot property comes with six fireplaces and a balcony that overlooks a 39-foot-long backyard. [NYO]
• Publishing heir James Fairchild and his wife Whitney, who sold their Sutton Place apartment last year for $9 million, have picked up a new home in the Hamptons. The couple has gone into contract to buy a "fixer-upper" in Southampton for "well under" its asking price of $11 million. [NYP]

Mad fans want a piece of Sarah Jessica Parker. Mad ladies want Jon Gosselin. And Ashley Dupre's mad at the haters. Rise and shine! Here's your Thursday morning Gossip Roundup!

Proving crazy hair and bad attitude are more alluring to teenagers than mild-mannered magic, Google Trends shows Pattinson is significantly more searched than Radcliffe. That snap you just heard was the simultaneous locking of 7 million chastity belts. [PopEater]

A major challenge in Harry Potter 6 is that the teenage wizard had the ability to get a boner. So how did the kid-friendly franchise deal with the prickly issue of teenage sexuality? Splendidly! But perhaps in an unintended direction.

Are the young Harry Potter actors not the best? They are, because they're not ridiculous celebrity assholes, instead choosing acting in Broadway shows, going to Ivy League schools, and throwing down the charm offensive on young 12-year-old reporters. Seriously:

Harry Potter and Gossip Girl finally meet in the middle, Jon Gosselin wants to capitalize on the worst fashion trend in the History of the Universe, Robert Pattinson's good in bed, Jim Carry's a scary grandparent, and celebrity DUI time!

Blake Lively and Leighton Meester walking down Prince Street yesterday where they were filming scenes for Gossip Girl ... Hugh Jackman playing with daughter Ava at a playground in the West Village ... Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban leaving their downtown apartment separately ... Vanessa Williams walking in Midtown ... Daniel Radcliffe signing autographs for fans on his way into Regis and Kelly ... Naomi Watts carrying shopping bags in NoHo ... Kate Mara filming scenes for Happy Thank You More Please downtown ... Kat Von D arriving at MTV's studio in Times Square ... Penn Badgley standing on the sidewalk in Midtown ... and J.K. Rowling leaving Monkey Bar on East 54th.

A child of Jon and Kate Gosselin is injured after an unsuccessful sacrificial offering to Nielsen gods by TLC. Madonna's child caper! Susan Boyle: distraught. Harry Potter and Radiohead? Yeezey's girlfriend! Presenting your Sunday morning gossip roundup. Happy Father's Day!

Renee Zellweger and boyfriend Dan Abrams walking around on the Upper East Side ... Hugh Jackman having a picnic in Central Park with his wife and kids ... Daniel Radcliffe leaving Morandi on Waverly Place ... Agyness Deyn walking in the Village ... Kirsten Dunst smoking on the sidewalk ... Isla Fisher arriving at JFK with her daughter Olive ... Whitney Port getting coffee with City co-star Allie Crawford in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse on Charles Street ... Lauren Hutton walking with a friend in the East Village ... Madonna, Guy Ritchie, and the kids heading into the Kabbalah Center ... Amy Adams arriving at JFK ... and Samantha Ronson leaving the Bowery Hotel.

• Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. has a girlfriend. Except it's not Caroline Kennedy as some have suggested. Sulzberger, who separated from his wife in March, is dating a "vivacious" lady named Helen Ward, who he met in Peru a year ago and who is separated from her husband, too. [P6]
• Jeremy Piven brought his cocktail waitress girlfriend to the SAG Awards on Sunday night, but the poor thing didn't even get to sit with him during the ceremony. [NYDN]
• Michael Lohan is asking fans of his daughter to help him free Lindsay of Samantha Ronson's "bondage." [NYDN]

• Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo may have cancelled their first wedding at the last minute back in August, but it looks like the second time is the charm: The couple is reportedly getting hitched later today in a "top-secret, ultra-private" ceremony at his house in Greenwich. [NYP]
• Kanye West is supposedly thinking of moving to London next year to pursue his fashion career. [Mirror]
• Graydon Carter says he personally handles seating arrangements at the Waverly Inn. Oh, and his "three buzz words" for 2009 are "sophisticated, innovative and entitlement." [P6]
• Tragic news: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony just spent their first weekend apart since the birth of their twins. [Us]

Now that footage of Daniel Radcliffe's nude performance in Equus has hit the interwebs, audiences everywhere have discovered that what the young wizard lacks in wand, he certainly makes up for in sheer balls. It's for precisely that reason that while appearing on Inside the Actor's Studio this week, Radcliffe gave James Lipton a surprising answer to the self-posed question, "Are you ever worried about getting an erection onstage?"Quite the opposite, said Radcliffe, who explained that it would at least add some inches to his much-scrutinized manhood. Take heart, Dan — at least that shrinkage brings you ever closer to your long-held dream of playing Hermione!

That Daniel Radcliffe has been thrilling horny Potterites on both sides of the Atlantic in a revival of the play Equus featuring full-frontal (and backal) nudity is hardly news. But until now, there have been no satisfying audience photos or video of his Golden Snitch. Perhaps it was some unspoken code of honor between wizard and $130-a-seat theatergoer, as if to say, "We'll pay for the privilege—and it is a privilege, young Harry—but we'll also keep it just between us." Well, the code has been broken, as OMG Blog has obtained video footage recently recorded by a front-row Broadway patron. We pass this along not out of licentiousness, but rather in hopes that it will goose ticket sales for the production, which has seen a 10% drop. See how selfless we are? Now, enough preamble—on with the NSFW show!

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty making out on the sidewalk in the West Village ... Jessica Alba and Cash Warren walking in Brooklyn with baby Honor ... Michelle Williams taking daughter Matilda to the doctor's office, then getting in a car with Spike Jonze ... Eva Mendes on the set of her new film ... Daniel Radcliffe jogging on the sidewalk ... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes leaving the American Felt building with Suri ... Dina and Ali Lohan attending a Halloween charity event ... America Ferrera on the set of Ugly Betty in Gramercy Park ... Lauren Conrad posing for photos outside the Letterman show, and later going out with her new boyfriend Kyle Howard ... and Pink leaving the Alexander McQueen store on West 14th.

Marc Jacobs standing on the sidewalk outside the Mercer Hotel ... David Duchovny jogging across the street ... Molly Shannon and Nigella Lawson outside ABC studios ... Naomi Watts walking in the West Village with bag from the Container Store ... Salma Hayek and daughter Valentina arriving at their hotel ... Penn Badgley shooting a scene on the Gossip Girl set in Brooklyn ... Katie Holmes carrying Suri out of their East 13th Street apartment building ... Ethan Hawke crossing the street ... Paula Deen and her husband Michael arriving at their hotel ... Beck outside the Letterman show ... Madonna and Alex Rodriguez leaving Yom Kippur services at the Kabbalah Center ... Sarah McLachlan leaving her hotel in Midtown ... and Daniel Radcliffe talking to fans outside the Broadhurst Theater.

Whitney Port of The Hills eating lunch with musician Jay Lyon at Extra Virgin on West 4th Street ... Gretchen Mol pushing a stroller ... Spike Lee signing books at the at Virgin Megastore in Union Square ... Paris Hilton posing outside the Letterman show ... Drew Barrymore walking into the Sheraton in Midtown to attend the Clinton Global Initiative ... Eliot Spitzer standing by himself ... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady leaving Kobe Club on 58th Street ... and Katie Holmes getting out of an SUV outside the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre on West 45th Street.

It's sort of gauche to post a theatre "review" while the show is still in previews, so consider the following not so much of a review as a...um...preview. I managed to score a ticket to Equus last night, the new Broadway production of Peter Shaffer's 1973 play about the sometimes disastrous confluence of religion and sex, and the perils of "modern" psychiatry. But really, the play is important because Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe is naked in it. For a good amount of time! Though I should caution that the nudity is exactly as sexy as the ensuing frenzied horse blinding sounds. It's not a gimmick or a parlor trick, just a way to communicate the raw bewilderment and wildness of Radcliffe's character, the troubled young Alan Strang. So yeah, the play about the nudity isn't so much about the nudity at all, rather it's an interesting, if curiously unmoving, intellectual deep dive into an idea of faith and science—reason, really—as two warring acts of the same mind.