The legend of the "James Bond Curse" took another wholly contrived media twist Tuesday, when Daniel Craig reportedly severed the tip of one of his fingers while shooting the particularly unlucky Quantum of Solace at Pinewood Studios. The injury is Craig's second in a week (he'd previously required eight stitches to close a gash in his chin), but that's just the beginning, notes The Daily Mail:
While individual celebrities each have their own, signature facial characteristics—the Clooney brow, the Damon eyes, the Streep nose—it would seem to us that with all the scientific advances now available (clone-morph/stem-cell/gene-splicing technologies or what have you, we're not exactly sure how all that wizardry works), that cherrypicking the best of what's out there and compressing the bits and pieces into one star-loaf is definitely the way to go. Apparently, Star magazine had the very same idea, as they've attempted the darned-near impossible:
You may now stop referring to the next installment of the recently "rebooted" James Bond franchise as Bond 22 (or, if you were still so tantalized by images of Daniel Craig emerging unclothed from the surf that you hoped they'd continued on in this beefcake direction, How To Stuff A Wild Superspy Mankini); earlier today, the Official Keepers of the Tuxedo revealed the name of the upcoming film : Quantum of Solace, a title taken from an Ian Fleming story. "We thought it was an intriguing title and referenced what happened to Bond and what is happening in the film," explained producer Michael G. Wilson.
At long last, The Golden Compass, New Line's high-stakes attempt at launching yet another massively profitable fantasy franchise, opens today, though the buzz on the Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig movie is lukewarm at best (currently a 44% Tomatometer score). Will director Chris Weitz prove he can effectively trade in pastry-penetration for shiny magical trinkets and talking CGI polar bears, or would the overstuffed and overlong epic, as frigid as Kidman after a cosmetic emotion-removal procedure, not even manage to inspire Andy Samberg to roll out of bed this Sunday with a box of freshly baked cupcakes for a matinée showing? A sampling of what the critics are saying:
The first reviews have begun to trickle in for The Invasion, a Warner Bros. production plagued by paparazzi-captured car crashes and a German auteur, discharged by the studio after his esoteric vision failed to deliver the kinds of zombie car chases that put asses into summer movie theater seats. With an early Tomatometer Score of 15%, the ominous buzz hanging over the late-August dumping ground release appears to have been justified. The Invasion may have reportedly brought in the Wachowski siblings at the 11th hour to hit all the required projectile-vomiting notes, but, ironically, for a movie about a dehumanizing alien virus, the consensus seems to be that that it woefully lacks a heart. Here's sample of what the critics are saying:
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Jason Alexander at Peet's Coffee magically transforming into George Costanza before your eyes after receiving a call from Woody Harrelson:
· Paramount is in talks to let The Fountain's Darren Aronofsky loose on Matt Damon/Mark Wahlberg boxing drama The Fighter, a project with a conventional story that might be able to resist some of the director's more bizarre, artsy impulses. Still, Var cautions: "He isn't necessarily expected to take a traditional approach." [Variety]
· Balloons cascade from the ceiling of her ICM agent's office as Heather Locklear is cast in her 1,000th TV project, the ABC comedy pilot See Jayne Run. [THR]
· Punk'd: Plug Yank'd. Unless, you know, this is just another one of that Kutcher kid's incredibly clever practical jokes! [Variety]
· Dancing with the Stars cleans up against weak competition, pulling in an average of 21 million viewers. Also: We're starting to suspect that Heather Mills if faking the amputee thing. There's no way a prosthetic leg stays on when she does a flip like that. [THR]
· Casino Royale will soon break the still-young record for hi-def DVD sales, as viewers scramble to experience every chiseled contour of Daniel Craig's body in the stunning resolution that only the superior Blu-ray™ format can deliver. [Note: this item sponsored by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment] [Variety]
· To celebrate Fox's order of 13 more episodes of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?, please take a minute to once again relive the televised near-humiliation (hey, he got it right...eventually) of Pledge of Allegiance Guy. Many more special moments like that one are sure to follow! [Variety]
· The floundering First Look Studios is rocked by yet another "mutual decision" for an executive to surrender his or her job, with president Ruth Vitale announcing she's exiting her post once she makes sure Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters gets released without any marketing campaigns that terrify entire cities with their innovative techniques. [THR]
· Ocean's 13 will make its international premiere at the Cannes Film Festival (though out of competition). What this means to you: Nothing, as your boss is too cheap to fly you to France for the fest, but you at least might get to hear some amusing stories about the French audiences booing the film for not living up to the lofty artistic expectations set by Ocean's 12 . [Variety]
· Daniel Craig is in talks in the Fernando Meirelles drama Blindness, getting a start on the long and frustrating process of obtaining roles in which he's not asked to portray a British superspy. [THR]
· Behold the awesome power of American Idol, which can elevate even the worst, previously low-rated sitcom to unimaginable Nielsen heights! [Variety]
· Sharon Stone (who swept the Razzies!) brought the dominatrix-auctioneer routine she perfected in Berlin to Elton John's annual AIDS fundraiser, where "unsteady on her feet and slurring her words, [she] rambled, 'I've been sitting at my table with P. Diddy and Jon Bon Jovi, and I'm a little messed up.'" She did manage to coerce $4.2 million out of attendees, for auction items like a $65,000 soccer lesson from Dave Beckham, and $125,000 to have James Blunt promise he wouldn't perform all evening. [AP]
· Vanity Fair's Little Gold Men blog has updates and photos from the VF party, where they note a preponderance of "impossibly glowy women" and an extremely not-glowy Nikki Sixx. [VanityFair.com]
· Anderson Cooper and Daniel Craig shared a corner banquette at the VF party swapping secret agent tips, while party host Elton John planted a deep, passionate kiss on American Idol judge Simon Cowell, who couldn't help but gush all evening that "the little girl I once accused of being utterly forgettable and dressed like an overstuffed burrito had finally arrived!" [Towleroad]
· Enjoy TMZ's nausea- and seizure-inducing handheld camera footage of celebrities entering the Soho House after party, including "bushy-browed Martin Scorcese [sic] and a boob-a-licious Courtney Love." [TMZ]
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in at least as often as you floss. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the special post-appendectomy, pre-rehab moments Lindsay Lohan shared with Joe Francis.
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time Jason Bateman's gay dog mounted your friend's bi-curious daschund on Runyon Canyon.
It's Casino Royale's opening day, and in true Bondian fashion, new 007 Daniel Craig appears to have emerged unscathed from the threat of the eviscerating laser beam trained squarely on his manhood by his many internet-enabled detractors since his casting was first announced. Did they expect him to fail? No, Mr. Craig: They expected you to quit, and cede the role to a more debonair, less pigment-challenged actor. But it's he who is getting the last laugh, as his reviews have been raves, singling out for particular praise the ultimate secret weapon he's been hiding under his tuxedo jacket all along: A rippling, inflated torso that just begs to be ogled. (Even the Queen threw on her slinkiest number to meet the generously manboobed object of her affections.) Giggles The Guardian like a schoolgirl:
In a mere matter of weeks, minds will finally be made up over whether Casino Royale's latest Bond incarnation, Daniel Craig, has proven his many, internet-enabled naysayers wrong and was worthy all along of inheriting the superspy's mantle. Still, a little nudge of encouragement from a respected co-star never hurts, such as when Dame Judi Dench recently registered her awed surprise at having caught a sidelong glance at Craig's generously proportioned double-oh-seven.
New James Bond Daniel Craig has suffered his fair—or unfair—share of critics' taunts, who accuse the actor of being in possession of an insufficient manlihood to adequately fill 007's tuxedo pants. At least the prolific Craig has his former co-stars to vouch for his potency, such as in this anecdote from Toby Jones, who was more than willing to reminisce about his screen kiss with the actor in the Truman Capote biopic, Infamous:
If you thought being appointed heir to one of the most beloved and fiercely guarded franchises in cinematic history somehow rendered you immune from mean-spirited internet taunts and grumblings regarding your fitness for the role—say, that you didn't know how to play poker, use a firearm, that you had no eyebrows, or turned beet red in the sun, that you couldn't drive stick and looked like a Village Person, or even lost your teeth in a choreographed fight—well, you'd be wrong. Even James Bond has feelings:
The British tabloid press seem intent on turning the shaming of new James Bond Daniel Craig into a national pastime, to be enjoyed alongside such others cherished local activities as eight-day cricket matches and deep-fried cod. Their carefully adhered to format dictates merely thinking up a Bond skill (driving a manual sports car, hand-to-hand combat, operating a weapon, exposure to daylight), then reporting that Craig's complete incompetence at said skill rendered him injured and/or a laughing stock, followed by a mention that an expert is being flown in for tutorial. Note how all the elements fall into place with this story from The Sun about Craig's poker-playing illiteracy:
Much derided new 007 Daniel Craig looks as though he's been hitting Her Majesty's Secret Weightroom lately, though the frustrating confinements of his wardrobe requirements appear to be getting the better of him. No doubt at the precise moment this photograph was snapped, Craig was thinking back to his happier, freebagging days as an activist at the forefront of the "tomato juice, not clothes" nudism movement.
Perpetually embattled heir to the James Bond title, Daniel Craig, has had everything from his virility to his lack of eyebrows challenged since filming started on the series' next installment mostly at the hands of archenemy CraigNotBond.com. But just when things couldn't get any more absurd in one of cinema's most overblown and thoroughly entertaining fanboy uprisings, another bizarre chapter unfolds. In what has to be a first, James Bond's dad has come to his son's defense:
