When the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes divorce wrapped up quickly, quietly, and without much fuss, the Internet, unexpectedly starved for blood, became weak and irritable.

Time to throw a Wedge and No Bra Party; Kelsey and Camille Grammer's bitter custody battle is at an end.

Attention friends of Madonna and Guy Ritchie: You are no longer friends with Guy Ritchie. Madge is mustering her forces for what is hopefully going to be an epically nasty divorce. First strategy, gather the troops and hunker down. So the icon is reportedly telling her friends, hangers-on, sycophants, and other assorted slaves to stay the hell away from her soon-be-ex husband. You know, she doesn't want to be discussing how her lawyers may totally savage Ritchie's character in advance of a possible custody battle over their son Rocco just to have it get back to the director and his friends.

"Pony rides and face painting don't make for a good parent," Dina Matmos McGreevey emailed to former Jersey love guv and gay seminarian Jim McGreevey last week, demanding that he cancel this coming weekend's 6th birthday party for their daughter because she has custody that week. Do you know what happens to kids whose parents use them as tools of petty revenge? That's right: Tiny Courtney Loves. [NYP]