When Fabolous was gunned down in Flatiron earlier this week, we were shaken in so many ways that one could be shaken, and could not help but think of other New York rappers whose skins were pierced by bullets. Neither could New York mag's Daily Intelligencer, who listed the "illustrious pantheon of New York MCs to get caught up with violence and cops". But there is one glaring omission, points out Razor Apple: Notorious B.I.G.

With awards season looming, Hollywood, it seems, is teetering on the brink of an unfathomable parking tragedy. The Los Angeles valet population's inability to keep pace with a booming VIP overclass unable to open or close car doors without professional assistance threatens to grind entertainment industry celebrations to a chilling halt, where frustrated guests languish in their vehicular purgatories while event starting times are senselessly delayed and food service schedules are plunged into chaos. Today's Variety hopes to bring awareness to the seemingly insoluble traffic problem before it worsens by looking at What Went Wrong at Friday night's American Cinematheque tribute to George Clooney, taking care to note the psychological toll such snafus take on their emotionally fragile victims:

• Intrigue! (Bob Woodward makes a rare appearance in New York.) Scandal! (Secret goverment documents are unveiled.) Success! (State of Denial: Bush at War, Part III is now No. 1 on the Times Best Seller list.) Religion! (Simon & Schuster executives pray Jared Paul Stern has the same fate.) [92nd St Y]
  

Yesterday, we offered you some helpful Halloween costume ideas based on your favorite mother/daughter celebrity tag-teams, but we recognize that many revelers prefer to express their sartorial creativity in a more individual way. So allow us to direct you to this eBay auction offering a recreation of the jaw-droppingly sexy, neon, over-the-shoulder nutsling so ably modeled by Borat in his upcoming feature film, sure to be the hottest costume for this year's rapidly approaching holiday. The item's rather modest use of material might seem ill-suited to colder climates, but we believe that only adds to its appeal—the stunned looks you'll receive after unveiling your Kazakh-fabulous look will only be intensified when fellow party guests realize that your shivering is causing the genitals gently supported swimsuit's central sling to quiver like a scared, unwanted kitten clawing at a burlap sack before a drowning. And that unadvertised, bonus feature alone is easily worth many times the item's $19.99 Buy It Now price.

• Hellhouse attempts to scare Jesus into your jaded soul via "a demon who gleefully displays wicked vignettes recalling plotlines of Laguna Beach." Scary? No. Tortuous? Yes. [Flavorpill]
  

Color us surprised to discover that we're in the midst of L.A.'s Fashion Week, the paste-eating cousin of possibly incestuous parentage to the significantly more glamorous events staged in places like New York, Paris, and Cleveland. But in the interest of helping our friends in the fashion world protect their precious runwayside seats from brash interlopers with vague genetic ties to some of our city's most powerful residents, we pass along today's Page Six story about the efforts of an alleged distant cousin of Steven Spielberg to secure the VIP treatment that is her possibly nonexistent birthright:

Friday:
• After polling New Yorkers on their thirteen worst fears, Pyscho Clan founder Timothy Haskell based his third annual fright fest based on the results. Shit yourself in a haunted house in each borough. [Haunted House NYC]
• Williamsburg celebrates Friday the 13th and its paraskavedekatriaphobia (a fear of Friday the 13th) with an art gallery that explores common phobias you love to hate. [WUNYC]

• Dark Side of the Cop is a pop group that syncs their music to their inspiration, Beverly Hills Cop. Kind of like Pink Floyd and The Wizard of Oz, but without the munchies. [flavorpil]
• VH1 throws a preparty for Hip Hop Honors Week, their earnest attempt to honor the music they never actually air. Nevertheless, it's the thought that counts, so go and view a gallery of photography and graffiti art while dancing to old school DJs. [Powerhouse Arena]
• Nick Lachey croons about how Jessica broke his heart as he silently undresses Vanilla Minillo with his eyes. All this and more can be yours for only $40. [NYM]

The culture split between Yahoo and Google is Hollywood versus the nerds, according to most journalists (take, for example, a CNET compare-and-contrast article from 2005). Yahoo is the one that brought in TV and film execs like CEO Terry Semel and "went Hollywood," a move often blamed for the company's financial and cultural woes. But so has Google, as a corporation and as an executive team.

• Magazine freaks and design nerds alike flock to the Megazines exhibit, a collection of magazine covers throughout the years. [Visionaire World]
• Chanel and Cosmo team up for an event, the purpose of which doesn't matter, as there will be a goodie bag and cocktails. [WUNYC]
• Long past the days when they were content enough to play music in an actual basement, Basement Jaxx plays at Webster Hall tonight. Dance your ass off and talk about how much you loved that video with the monkeys. [flavorpill]

• Join Matt Groening, creator of the The Simpsons and Futurama, and Gary Panter, former set designer for Pee Wee's Playhouse, as they discuss the art of silliness. [Upcoming]
• The Lower East Side Girls Club hosts a celebrates its 10th anniversary with a benefit gala featuring local hero Rosario Dawson as mistress of ceremonies. In traditional, over-the-top fashion, there will be uninhibited flamenco dancers and unlimited desserts. [Girls Club]
• Nixon (played by Gerry Bamman) and Kissinger (Steve Mellor) relive August 7, 1974 for approximately 75 minutes. Another night, another scandal for Nixon's Nixon. [Nixon's Nixon]
• If you're struggling along Park Avenue at 10 a.m. on Wednesday morning, you're probably running into congestion from car-porn aficionados jacking it to the parade of new and classic Audis. [Jalopnik]

If this past Saturday you happened to pass a crowd of merciless, lumbering dead with the brains of their recently consumed victims still smeared across their faces, you were either driving along the Wilshire Blvd. and seeing some of L.A.'s hardest working agents putting in their weekend overtime, or you were in Hollywood witnessing the L.A. Zombie Walk. Pictured, the ravenous, reanimated corpses forego the whole brains thing for some In-N-Out animal-style fries and double-doubles. Of course, these being L.A. zombies, cell phones remain on at all times (bottom right) in case a zombie manager calls with word on a recent commercial audition for Target.

• The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, the novel turned Broadway play turned movie turned TV series turned off Broadway revival, features Cynthia Nixon as the eclectic Scottish schoolteacher. Have fun finding tickets. [Paper]
• Tired of American indie pop groups? Don't worry. The Islands are Canadian. Go and support America Jr., won't you? [flavorpill]
• In a union of c-list glory, Lisa Marie Presley performs with Ryan Cabrera, who happens to be sleeping with her model/actress daughter. Good to hear that it's a family affair. [NYM]

Friday:
• Indie cred-bearers Serena Maneesh and Dirty on Purpose hit Warsaw to try and rectify the musical damage wrought by "SexyBack." [WUNYC]
• Film Forum shows The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie, the 1972 satire of the lives of the rich and richer, comes complete with cocaine deals and a very long dinner party. Socialites should take copious notes on their Sidekicks. [flavorpill]

While the furry denizens of Sesame Street and The Muppet Show have always been available with a cautionary tale about the potential dangers of overindulging in chocolate chip cookies or not properly restacking one's toys, it's not unusual for their counterparts in less stable locations around the globe to have a far more daunting lesson plan. Former Jim Henson puppeteers in Afghanistan, for example, are presently hard at work creating a cast of Muppets who'll teach the local child population about the limb-severing consequences of stepping on landmines:

• A Chorus Line debuts on Broadway after a 16-year hiatus; ticket scalpers are able to pay rent for the next three months. [Paper]
• Ever wonder what millionaires do in their spare time? They write cookbooks. As if they ever cooked for themselves. [B&N]
• The Fever perform one last show before they part ways. Every good break-up needs "organ grinding and slightly drunken horns." [flavorpill]

For far too long, the government looked the other way as Malibu's most celebrated citizens squatted upon their 24-carat gilded commodes and flushed away their perfect, odorless bowel movements into potentially environmentally unsafe septic tanks, the toxic runoff from which may be tainting the glorious, placid ocean their beachside compounds overlook. Now, however, this unacceptably laissez faire attitude towards celebrity excretions is coming to an end, as environmental regulators will try and determine the source of local ocean pollution:

• New York EIC and Elvis Costello imposter Adam Moss joins Time ME Richard Stengel to remind you that the media can be slightly inaccurate. Hold on to your seats for this one. [NYSEC]
• The Gimme Shelter fundraiser has it all: 80s musicians in the process of making a comeback (Debbie Harry), New York icons (the Beastie Boys), a good cause (saving cute, fuzzy animals), and a reason for you to keep living (an open bar). [Rational-Animal]
• Lord Whimsy, one of New York's top dandies (certainly there must be a ranking of these things somewhere), shows other dandies how to refine their lives. Your brows should always be perfectly arched, even in hell. [flavorpill]

We somehow missed this when they originally posted it yesterday (we blame Yom Kippur for no good reason at all), but TMZ.com shared this photo of a theater in Orange City, Iowa, where—irony alert!—locals raised more of a stink about the ass-bearing title of Jackass Number Two decorating the marquee than about the movie's ass-baring content, and whose new, ostensibly sanitized title—double irony alert!!—is far more offensive than the original. If nothing else, the Holland Plaza Theater's Jackbutt Two brainstorm has taken the creative challenge out of what the inevitable gay porn version will be named, and which will detail the erotic, CBT adventures of stars Johnny Coxxville and Bottom Margera.

• Remember the first time you had sex? At Fresh Meat, comedians share their first jokes, which are almost as bad as the night you lost it. [Comix]
• Dragons of Zynth, Harlem Shakes, White Rabbits, and the Subjects team up to bring you more psychedelic, new-age, doo-wop, post-garage pop than your Chucks can handle. [flavorpill]
• Tired of being elbowed by the douchebag who attempts to unfold a Times on a crowded train? Sick of that stupid kid and his candy bars? Had enough of heavy breathing perverts who flash you? Listen to those who share your pain at a reading of The Subway Chronicles. [NYM]