Like an arthritic Lazarus, Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams comes forth from the tomb this morning to alert New York that — and you might want to sit down, this is a hell of a scoop — there may be a spot of bid-rigging in the construction industry. Cindy, who recently blew the lid off that whole "special treatment for politicians" scandal, is too coy to reveal specific details, but she can go far enough out on a limb to reveal that the nefarious shenanigans are taking place "in Long Island," and they're being looked at "by the Feds."

Rape Stats [American Films via Media Orchard]
Beware of Nancy Grace [A Socialite's Life]

A commenter alerts us to the MySpace profile of the charming playa at right, who happens to be Elvin Chaung, the 20-year-old Hunter College student facing charges of extortion. He only has 17 friends, but that's because he's too busy using Facebook to finagle nude pics out of remarkably unwitting young women. He may not look too clever, but he's a genius when it comes to manipulating online hotties with names like TrixieLuv69 and MizGoddess. Best of all, Elvin's MySpace profile reveals that he's a Buddhist. So if something is not given to him, he shall not take it — but if a bunch of chicks want to hand over naked photos of themselves, he's got zen clearance.

• We just can't believe that anyone calling himself "Jacob the Jeweler," who makes his living crafting massive, diamond-encrusted watches and pendants for the good people of the hip-hop industry, would have anything to do with a drug ring called the Black Mafia Family. [TMZ]
• Introducing our new favorite website: Long Awkward Pose. People look stupid when they pose for pictures, but they look even more stupid when they don't know they're being videotaped during their earnest posing. Hilarity ensues. [Long Awkward Pose]
• Markos Moulitsas of Daily Kos thinks Maureen Dowd is a "catty, insecure bitch," which may or may not having something to do with former Wonkette Ana Marie Cox. Crazy fucking redheads. [The Stranger]
• If a sex shop comes to Soho, it has to be luxe. Kiki de Montparnasse fits the bill — and if it's high-end, the celebrities shall flock. Go and watch Lenny Kravitz buy a high-end dildo, it'll change your life. [NY Sun]
• Daniel Klaidman comes to NYC to be the assistant managing fluffer at Newsweek. [FishbowlDC]
• Associated Press management slowly dehydrates its staff to death. [The Slug]
• Bill Gates announces that in two years he'll go part-time at Microsoft and devote his energies full-time to his charity work. Steve Jobs cackles, John Hodgman weeps. [Forbes]

The Post reports on a horrific attack against a young woman in Long Island:

Impending city resident John Cook sees something curious in The Times' coverage of the unfortunate tourist who was stabbed on the C train yesterday afternoon:

Itinerary

In some sincerely nauseating news from this weekend, gay singer Kevin Aviance was violently beaten late Friday night (or very early Saturday morning, if you prefer) on his way home in the East Village. Four men, ranging in ages from 16 to 20, have been arrested in connection to the incident and charged with first-degree assault as a hate crime.

• Paris Hilton seems to have backed out on her promise to organize a benefit concert for an Australian charity that works with ill children. And since her failure, some of the children have died. Seriously. [Courier-Mail]
• And as if letting sick kids die weren't offensive enough, Paris also performs a hit-and-run for the paparazzi's benefit. [TMZ]
• Meredith Vieira decides to start wearing underwear for her new gig on the Today show, and so Matt Lauer can finally sleep at night. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Even dolphins want to fuck Jessica Alba. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss chugs Jager, publicly vomits, and returns to form within a matter of minutes. You knew she'd be a master of the boot-n-rally. [Mirror]
• Life & Style's new executive editor Mark Coleman receives a rare moment of redemption from Page Six. On Friday, they reported that Star EIC Joe Dolce blames Coleman for for the mag's famous cover gaffes; today, they see emails that prove otherwise. Poor Dolce — usually item-planting goes so smoothly. [Page Six]
• Today marks the 12th anniversary of the OJ Simpson murders. Celebrate with the cheating bitch you love. [R&M (last item)]

While we shake our heads at the consistently uncomfortable "gotcha!" programming about the dangers of online pedophiles, NPR plays the voice of reason:

• Two mannequins, decked out in rainbows and placed next to a gay pride events calendar, are removed the windows of a Boston Macy's after an organized campaign of complaints. Seriously? In 2006? Is this really happening? [Consumerist]
• A journalist tells of how Russell Crowe befriended him and tried to make him into his "stooge." We'd tell you more, but it's 13 fucking pages long and we didn't get very far. [SMH]
• Unsurprisingly, the managing director of Cristal is less than thrilled with the brand's association with blingy rappers. [AllHipHop]
• For your enjoyment, one man's compelling crusade to rescue his lady's Sidekick, left in a taxi, from a young girl who refuses to return it. We've all kind of been there, but we doubt many of you have taken it this far. [EvanWasHere]
• So if we were to express how we'd like to wrap W. in plastic tarp and flog him in the face with a dead monkey's diaper, what would happen to us? [Harper's]
• TiVo will be launching a service to bring web video to television sets — so you NEVER GET AWAY FROM THE INTERNET. [WSJ]

So Philip Kaplan's no longer running AdBrite — I think we established that. Where are all the other geeks moving?

Time for your Valleyspeak lesson.

In today's most excruciatingly obvious news, a scan of former WWD staffer Peter Braunstein's brain has revealed that — surprise! — he's mental. Images reveal that Braunstein has frontal lobe deficiencies consistent with schizophrenia, which should help his legal team bolster his insanity defense. So sayeth the expert:

Former Gizmondo exec Stefan Eriksson showed up in L.A. Superior Court yesterday to file his pleas. Not that the Ferrari-crashing ex-con is necessarily guilty of any specific crime he's been charged with, but with an impressive count like this —

• Charlie Gibson scores the ABC anchor spot, leaving poor Diane Sawyer high and dry.
• Let's put it this way: Would you want to go sit at Jared Paul Stern's old desk?
• Anderson goes on Oprah, bores us. But he was adorable on an old World News Now. And she's obsessed with death.
• You will not get to go to Africa with Nick Kristof.
• Breaking news: New Yorkers go to gyms! Even Adam Moss and Mr. Big.
• All hail Le Cirque, or so says the Wednesday media club.
• Neither the Clintons nor Shock magazine are very shocking, though the later is a guilty pleasure.
• Gay gay gay. Gay.
• Another gossip type, another book party. Make that two.
• America, this old man is your Idol. And Alessandra will do her best to tell you about it.
• West Chelsea gets even worse.
• The Fifth Avenue Apple store has been open for one full week now. Has your head exploded yet?
• And it's Memorial Day weekend. See you Tuesday.

The emails trickling in suggest there's a feeling that we ought to say something about the guilty verdicts just handed down against Enron's Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay and Jeff Skilling. So, um: Yay?

After yesterday's news of a bouncer who pulled a gun on patrons, killing one and wounding three others, bouncer-blogger Rob from Clublife is, once again, on the top of lazy journalists' Google searches. As a response, he tells us, to the 20-something media calls he received yesterday, Rob has issued his thorough explanation of how some bouncers become murderers:

Oh Martha, Martha, Martha. Just when her problems seemed to be over — a handmade poncho heals all wounds! — the long arm of the law comes back for a bitch-slap. Today, Thursday, is the deadline for Martha to respond to a three-year-old civil suit filed against her by the Securities and Exchange Commission for insider trading of 4,000 shares of ImClone in 2001. Having maintained her innocence on the same criminal charges, one would suppose that she'll take the same stand for this round, and trial preparations would begin.

How do you surf safely in a cybercafe? The New York Times may think the answer lies in secure Internet connections — and yes, you may want to lay some encryption down before you write your business memos at Ritual Roasters — but the real question San Franciscans are asking is, "Will I get stabbed?"