Mary-Kate Olsen WINS. Twice law-enforcement authorities have tried pressuring the dopey lil' actress into telling what she knows about the death of close personal friend Heath Ledger, and twice now she has successfully beaten them back — the only person connected to Ledger to successfully do so. Federal sources told first the Daily News and now the Post that U.S. prosecutors have withdrawn their investigation into the death of actor Ledger, forcing the Drug Enforcement Administration to drop demands to interview Olsen. That's a fairly humiliating retreat for an agency that just two days ago implied it would use a Grand Jury subpoena to force Olsen to tell what she knows after word leaked of frustration in its offices over Olsen's demands for immunity. Especially because the feds really did have a subpoena. Reports the News:

A Wisconsin newspaper delivery guy defrauded the New York Times out of $325,000 over six years with a fake subscription scam. Hey, who says there's no money in the newspaper business any more! Better jokes go in the comments. [E&P]

Wisconsin newspaper distributor Martin Holtet had a little trouble convincing people in the small town of La Crosse to subscribe to the New York Times. So he took matters into his own hands and created a big bunch of fake subscribers. Too many, in fact. Perhaps not surprisingly, Times executives back in New York were a little surprised to see that the number of Times subscribers in La Crosse jumped from 65 in 2006 to 2,718 in 2008. (That's, like, the whole town, isn't it?) Now Holtet is in trouble for the $227,096 he collected in distribution fees and the $100,000 in unnecessary printing costs. He's since been arrested and charged with fraud. You can review the criminal complaint yourself after the jump.

Now that gangster heir John "Junior" Gotti has been arrested by the feds once again, how will his three nephews-stars of the reality show Growing Up Gotti-support themselves? CollegeOTR reports that middle son John is in college somewhere, and young diet book author Frank has had some troubles with drugs. That means the family's big hope is 22-year-old Carmine Gotti, who's trying for a career in hip hop. He's signed on the Ruff Ryders label despite the fact that he sounds like he was just taught how to rap last week by somebody who, themselves, did not know how to rap. You can listen to two of his blazin' hot tracks here, both of which concern how much he would enjoy getting to know you, girl. Would you like to see a few of C. Gotti's publicity photos that are prime candidates for inclusion in the Guide To Young Italian-American Male Stereotypes? Click through, then!

This is an absolute nightmare scenario for video game manufacturers, who must now be thanking their Pagan gods that it didn't happen in the US: a teenager in Bangkok murdered a taxi cab driver in an attempt to reenact a scene from Grand Theft Auto. As a result, the distributor has halted sales of the game throughout all of Thailand, which is a wise PR move despite being (objectively) an overreaction. The details of the crime seem to confirm the worst fears of all anti-video game crusaders: a good kid led astray, and willing to do anything to get his fix of violence:

Back in June we told you about Gopalan Nair (pictured), a US citizen living in Singapore who was arrested for writing mean things about a judge on his blog. He accused the judge of "prostituting herself," and goaded the police by posting his address and phone number. His arrest was international news, but it appears that Singapore's authorities didn't learn their lesson: Nair now says he'll be going to trial next month, facing up to two years in jail. Who is this brave man standing up for free online speech in the face of an unyielding corrupt power structure? He's kind of a crank! But the charming, revolutionary type: Nair is a Singapore-born lawyer who became a US citizen in 2005. He says the he left Singapore because he was "harassed and persecuted" for his political beliefs. Nair has been posting long entries on his blog about his ongoing case. He strikes you as the type of person you see at City Council meetings throughout America, waiting to get up and harangue the politicians about their corruption and failure to fix stoplights. But in Nair's case, he's talking about the cane-you-for-chewing-gum culture of Singapore, so you have to believe he's on the side of the angels. This little excerpt gives you an idea of his personality:

John "Junior" Gotti-son of the late Gambino family crime boss John Sr. and brother to Growing Up Gotti star Victoria-was arrested this morning on murder conspiracy charges, reportedly "in connection with a drug smuggling ring and 3 prior mob-hits." Gotti was tried twice before for the 1992 attempted murder of talk show host Curtis Sliwa, but got off both times, and had seemed to be poised for a quiet retirement in his Long Island home. Junior's only previous stint in prison-from 1999 to 2005-came after he was convicted of shaking down Scores, the favorite strip club of New York's celebrity and media elite:

"With the stroke of a pen, the appeals court has opened the door to a massive increase in the penetration of DVR capabilities." [Hollywood Reporter]

The Associated Press now has its own law-enforcement source stating that Mary-Kate Olsen is demanding immunity before she will talk with federal agents investigating the January death of actor Heath Ledger, as the Post reported this morning. The immunity request is now all but confirmed. Olsen's attorney didn't bother to deny it in a statement addressing a number of other questions raised by the Post story, such as whether Olsen helped Ledger procure OxyContin:

Bangkok police arrested a Thai teenager "after he was found trying to steer a cab backwards out of a Bangkok street with the severely wounded driver in the back seat," reports Reuters. The kid told police he didn't mean to kill the driver and only stabbed him to death after he fought back. In Take-Two Interactive's Grand Theft Auto IV, the game that the kid later said inspired his attack, players don't always have to kill drivers to steal their cars. "He said he wanted to find out if it was as easy in real life to rob a taxi as it was in the game," said chief police investigator Veeravit Pipattanasak. New Era Interactive Media, which distributes Grand Theft Auto in Thailand, has asked retailers to remove the game from their shelves.

Hasn't Anne Hathaway been through enough, you fiends? The pixie-ish actress is just getting a break from the nonstop tabloid coverage of her breakup with her ex, Italian playboy and scam artist Raffaello Follieri, and his subsequent arrest for fraud. But even though Follieri's in jail, the relationship is still haunting Hathaway: the rumor is that he had a stash of nude photos of the actress, which are now in the hands of the FBI and...maybe somewhere else?

In the heated days of confusion and mourning immediately following the January death of Heath Ledger, many of the actor's admirers loudly proclaimed it absurd to raise questions about the role played by the actor's friend Mary-Kate Olsen in his death and aftermath. New York police concluded their investigation into Ledger's death without even interviewing the elfish young actress, even though, as the Post repeatedly pointed out, she was told of Ledger's death before emergency responders and even though her bodyguards may have arrived at his apartment just before paramedics, who Olsen did not bother to call. Having stayed on the story, the Post today reports that federal drug agents are pressing Olsen hard to cooperate in their investigation into how Ledger obtained the powerful painkiller OxyContin without a prescription — and into what happened to the bottle:

Remember Anthony Pellicano, the thuggish Hollywood private eye recently convicted of racketeering and wiretapping? He worked frequently with attorney Bert Fields, Fields' celebrity clients and other lawyers at Fields' firm. And he reportedly worked for Tom Cruise. But now that Pellicano is lost to the justice system, Cruise, still represented by Fields, has a private investigator named Paul Barresi defending his interests. And Barresi just did a strange thing: He provided to the Daily News federal court papers accusing Cruise of helping lead misdeeds by the Church Of Scientology, including harassment of this lovely sort:

If you're a fugitive from justice, probably one of the last things you want to do is start a video blog like Patric Ian Henn's "Boy About Town." Although he allegedly skipped out on a 12-year probation sentence, Henn peppered his Los Angeles-focused blog with videos of himself interviewing various minor celebrities at local events. After just 52 posts, including many with pictures of himself, Henn is now apparently headed back to prison, adding to the two years he already served for conning $68,000 from the Red Cross by posing as the lover of someone killed in the 9/11 attacks. Between that scam and the blog, it's clear Henn craves attention, even if it means exploiting the suffering of others. Unlike, say, the rest of us bloggers! After the jump, Henn's cringey interview with (very patient!) comedian Margaret Cho.

Richard Quest, the most British man currently allowed on US television (he's a regular contributor to CNN and CNN International) has laid pretty low since he was arrested in Central Park with meth, sex toys, and rope. But now he's finished rehab and snuck back on television! Jossip has the most important screen grab of the week: Richard Quest exploring the shower of the new Airbus A380. Soon to be a familiar sight to wealthy international travelers, no doubt.

"The justice stopped a line of questioning into whether a form of group problem solving known as 'feedback learning' could drive its participants insane through invasive examinations of their personal affairs before a group... The commune condones some nontraditional arrangements, like wife-swapping and the pooling of material resources." [Times]

The Fed love a good porn investigation. Allegedly, John Gray, CEO of the strip-club-industrial complex Spearmint Rhino, has been illegally taking control of domains owned by his former business partner, Michael Ninn, best known for the kind of arty, high-gloss hardcore films that almost take themselves too seriously to be porn. The FBI is rumored to be investigating. On the one hand, it's good that the naked-lady biz has its corporate-level disputes treated fairlly by the cops. On the less-lubed hand? The tipster alerting us to this case offers a better remedy: Perhaps Mr. Gray could focus on his actual naked-lady biz and drop the overpriced drinks and cover charges. (Photo via AVN)

Bobo British Conservative leader David Cameron had his bike stolen in London last Wednesday. Today it was returned to him courtesy, writes the Sunday Mirror, of "Ernest Theophile and his Rasta friend 'KJ', who used their street contacts to trace the bike." Gone are the days of disappearing women of ill repute from jowly gentlemen's clubs. Everyone's home by 6 and shaking bottles of balsamic vinagrette in this new, smiling Tory party. Although it was Cameron who "joked" about implementing sharia law to hunt down and punish the dirty git what stole his precious bike.

Outrage: people are making porn films at WWI monuments! At the Canadian National Vimy Memorial (pictured), a couple "stripped naked and performed sex acts beside the soaring stone structure," taped it, and put it on an online pay site. A police spokesman said, "It is a problem which appears to be getting worse -people appear to get a perverse pleasure out of this behaviour." Strange! Only a freak could believe that this noble structure's design connotes sexual organs somehow. But you have to think: if the spirits of all those deceased young guys really do rest in that monument, they wouldn't mind a little action once in a while. [Telegraph UK]

The British knife crime epidemic has gone virtual! Are your kids safe when they go online-safe from knives? No! Not while Facebook was condoning the existence of a "SuperPoke" application that allowed thuggish social networkers to "Shank" their friends. Thank god the UK tabloids have hollered enough to ensure that none of our children will be virtually shanked again! The Sun is outraged. In London there have been 21 teen knife murders this year! That's the average total from a single LA house party gone wrong, but no matter. The manufacturer of SuperPoke, Slide, has pulled the application, and these digital knife-pokings have been stopped. Should everyone now go to jail?