L.A. prosecutors have charged 19-year-old R&B singer with beating his girlfriend, fellow artist Rihanna. He could get almost five years in jail if convicted of the two felonies.

After reportedly beating his girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown hired crisis flacks and went into spin mode: The singer apologized, took anger-management classes and spread word Rihanna was culpable. But his reputation needed more help.

Chris Burden, the controversial performance artist, has become a high-profile victim of Ponzi schemer Allen Stanford. Stanford never delivered the artist's precious, artistic pile of gold bars.

Deputy Mayor Ed Skyler isn't just one of Michael Bloomberg's most loyal aides. Or the youngest member of the mayor's inner circle. Or even one the city's most eligible bachelors, an award the Post bestowed on him a few years ago. He's also battling the city's growing crime wave single-handedly! City Room has all the details on what went down in Midtown on Tuesday night:

Here you see a photo of swindler Bernie Madoff partying down on a recent New Year' eve. Partying down to hell, ha. In non-party hat Madoff news: is his wife delusional, or just greedy?

Zut alors, Michael Kors! Make sure your pockets are empty, Monica Lewinsky! Transvestite teenagers are jacking up residents of a fancy Greenwich Village building, for wig money. This is an important window into sociocultural relations:

While America's new president is totally cool with you smoking weed, other countries are not so lucky. Did you know Japan is like a dark ages bizarro world that is shocked by ganja? It's true!

Police finally make an arrest for Chandra Levy's murder

Imprisoned former press mogul Conrad Black, Baron Black of Crossharbour, spends his time in the penitentiary munching granola, answering email, and practicing piano. Rather like a resort for like-minded intellectuals, is it not?

"Lawyers for accused swindler Bernard Madoff say a Manhattan apartment and $62 million in accounts held by his wife are unrelated to the investment manager's purported fraud, according to court documents." [NYP]

Barack Obama is widely expected to appoint as drug czar Gil Kerlikowske, who as Seattle police chief focused on intervention and treatment over arrests for drug possession.

We don't want to over-excite anyone out there on the West Coast who may currently be engaged in wake-and-bake, but marijuana is now, for all practical purposes, legal in 13 states. Thanks to Obama!

Ooo, the SEC has finally released the good stuff on Stanford Financial, the mini-Madoff Ponzi scheme that made $8 billion disappear. Incredibly, the company's Southern Christian leaders were big hypocritical frauds! Jesus hated money-lenders:

Elie Wiesel, author, survivor, voice of morality, expert on evil, has found someone he'd like locked up and tortured for crimes against humanity: Bernie Madoff, who took all his money.

Hey, the racist email mayor resigned! Though he still won't admit to, you know, racism. AND: there is news on Ol' B-Face!

It was bad enough when a Fox News producer was fired for possessing child pornography. But now a former NPR correspondent has been charged in a child porn case. The problem is media-wide!

You know how when all the water finally evaporates from your dirty, clogged sink, you get to see how many roaches were really drowned in there? That's how Wall Street is now, with frauds!

So you stop off at your money manager's office atop some gleaming Midtown office building and you find him in a vast office filled with priceless art work, sitting behind an antique desk dressed in a $10,000 custom-made suit, and fingering photos of a new beachfront estate in East Hampton he's had his eye on. Should that be a warning sign you've invested your money with the next Bernie Madoff? That's what the Wall Street Journal's Wealth Report wonders today, pointing out that the recent crop of fraudsters all seemed to very much enjoy parading around their riches:

Aaron Bruns, the Fox News producer arrested on child porn charges earlier this month, had a softcore side gig. He posed naked for The Complete Idiot's Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated.

The latest issue of New York has taken a look inside the mind of Bernie Madoff and come up empty. What launched him on the path to a $50 billion Ponzi scheme remains a puzzle.